MY MOTHER MADE ME CRY last night: what is new? She asked me did I want to meet up today? It's all right if I can't... Of course I wanted to, but I had to say no. I was totally ill-prepared. Didn't even know if I had an entire outfit of presentable (& more to the point clean clothes. And I was totally unshaven. Only a few days ago I bought a new plug for our bath. Because someone has broken/taken/eaten the old one. And now people are reduced to stuffing up the plughole with toilet paper and not bothering to remove the pink flecks from all over the bath afterwards. So I had to say no, knowing really I longed to say yes, because I knew that if I hadn't, something would go wrong. Something would not be ready. And like the time I went to see her not having bothered to shave, I would get moved on by the railway station police for "loitering" ...
Big boo-hoo about that ...
I think it's important if your mom is reaching out to see you for you to follow through.
ReplyDeleteShe's probably less interested in the clothes you'll be wearing than she is in seeing you.
tc
What TC said. Man, I really believe that's true. Keep well. Next time just say yes and have a good visit with your mom.
ReplyDeleteLook, you git. I understand your predicament of the clothes thing and all that, but Mum wants to see YOU however bad you think that you look. I understand that you have your own pride, much as myself. But I have my own pride insomuch that I know that I am ill and I cannot fit in to my own personal vision of what I should look like. I look like a tramp. But that is how my condition makes me. I don't have the luxury of being able to choose which shirts to wear as most days I don't have the energy to bother what I look like. Most days I have to look myself in the mirror and think " shall I have the energy to shave or what" and most times I say "what the hell".
ReplyDeleteModes and fashion escape me. I tend to go with the "Farmer" look. (dirt an' all)
My mother still embraces me like her baby of three months... it makes me cry. I know you have your pride but you are still and always will be your mum's baby... don't make her miss out out on that beautful moment of letting her give you a hug just because you are too proud to let you see her as you are. You are a beautiful git no matter what.
Don't listen to the demons. Fuck them and all that sail in them. We love you.
Ron the Knee. XXXX
these bright people all have it covered...your mom probably doesn't care about the presentation at all.
ReplyDeleteSeveral years ago, I let a friend change her baby’s diaper in my bathroom and later in the evening discovered she had dumped a full load of her little one’s shit in my bathtub. She was kind enough to leave my plug unmolested though. Enough with the crap stories, I recommend you give your mother the opportunity to do what mothers do. You risk throwing the order of the universe into disarray otherwise.
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone; those are really thoughtful comments.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately it's too late (I pretty much had to make my mind up on the phone) ... I will see her but after three weeks. It would have been nice to have done it earlier though.
As for the clothes, I take your point-s however I don't want to push it by looking too much like a vagrant. She likes to think I'm doing better than I was when she paid a surprise visit about 2 years ago to Mother Hubbard's house at Xmas and found me there looking bedraggled, asked Mother H What is wrong with my son?? And Mother H told her I was "on methadone" ... also it's a marriage thing: her husband (my stepfather) believes I'm a useless junkie so I have to prove in as many little ways as I can that I am NOT ...
thanks for going into a bit more detail.
ReplyDeleteI can understand your hesitency.
I'll be back tomorrow to read your new posts, I'm running late.
tc