THURSDAY: what does this mean? THOR's Day. Who was Thor? God of Thunder. Only my head is thundering today. With stress.
Matran and Laundretta bothering me: can I get any B? (Brown - heroin.) I don't know why their own man will not come. Their problem is, they've a way of losing dealers, losing friends, losing accommodation. And yet they look down on me, I know they do. Because they believe I'm too laid back, too calm. I let people walk all over me. I know they think that. But then, somehow, when situations switch around: how smart I am, they say, to stay out of trouble. You can't have it both ways. I'd rather keep hold of what little I have.
Although sometimes it all gets too much. People get too much. I've had enough of certain types of people. When I'm tired and the world outside is burning up. It's the end, again, of another superheated day. When I woke up earlier, to the Jeremy Kyle (talk) Show, blaring from TV, he was laying into a couple of guests for having had (presumably obvious and rampant) sex in one of the dressing rooms before they came on...
Man, STILL someone's at the front door rat-attatttatting. Who on earth is it? It has been a "broiling" day. And I went out, towards the end of it, to sun slicing across the roofs of cars, the tops of signs and sheens and street furniture and glaring in lakes of fire whenever sunset met the road.
Stress is all around.
One of my best friends, Debs, lost her mother at the weekend. It's all happening at her end. (Read it in her blog.) My thoughts are with you, Debs, and my prayers.
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Now to tie up some loose ends:-
Oh, and "Pat-rick": I wasn't "promoting" anything on your blog; I only said hello and gave my url. If you'd read any further than one day of mine you would see I write about everything I see and do. So I am a junkie? I don't hide the fact. Perhaps I am telling the world there is more to addiction than the man hiding in the alleyway predating your cash ...
I completely agree.. the more risks somebody takes the more they look down at you because you stay away from attracting attention from the police. i mean nobody wants to go to jail but.. Im trying to say I understand what you meant even if I'm not saying it right.
ReplyDeleteSo I went over to the Pat-Dick blog and couldn't find your comment. What did he get his knickers in a knot about? I had trouble staying on that website because of too many children.
ReplyDeleteGlewwood. Your writing on here is very alive - you have natural talent with words - I am a writer - ou should maybe do something with this and get it published - possibly for other addicts or for yourself.
ReplyDeleteOr just as a wider project or a kind of autobioraphical "novel".
I am not concerned about you being an addict as a moral/legal issue - better not to be - but I like the writing style you use on here - this is more or less what you are. (Or it is as your persona on here is!)
I am also an addict - although I am addicted only to a prescription drug valium (it is very addictve though) - before Xmas I stopped drinking and am looking to manage or reduce my valium use. (But I know how hard this is so I know something of your "problem" with addiction.) I have also lost weight - and so on - my daughter is doing a University degree in Psychology and specialisng in health and obesity problems (I was not quite obese - very overweight though) and the cognitive psychology methods maybe useful in overcoming addiction - if you want to. They involve - in the case of weight control - some relatively straight foreward methods.
In my own case I used alcohol whenever I had poetry readings so I was kind of a binge alcoholic - and I decided the negatives outweighed the positives (for me).
Valium I have been using for 40 years so to reduce that - if desirable - will be much harder.
Keep well. Richard.
Thanks Richard!
ReplyDeleteNicole I agree with you precisely. In fact I came back to his blog (where he had deleted my comment) and left another one saying I'm awfully sorry I didn't realize your blog was for children mine is for grown-ups and anyone can say what they like, which is why YOUR comment stands ... but in the end I deleted it as if someone doesn't want to engage with my reality, why should they. The comment I deleted is my second one under his on the post below this one, my "PS" if anyone wants to read it.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if his blog was for children but there were pictures of a lot of them and I can't deal with kids and even moreso his German anal retentiveness. Having lived in Germany I know his type. He probably goes to church on Sundays and got really good grades in chemistry and maths.
ReplyDeleteNo I know what you're saying. I didn't think his blog was literally for children but as you say, so many are pictured. He probably gets on better with them than with adults ...
ReplyDeleteDon't know what else to say ! !!
No I shouldn't be nasty. Maybe they are just his younger siblings ??
Each is entitled to live in his own world. That's why I removed all mention of mine from his. If he wants to live up his **** let him carry on.
We all live up our ****es to a greater or lesser extent, so what's so unusual about that ..?
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