REPOSING HOME ALONE of a weary Wednesday afternoon... white-grey skies slowly shifting, stark light floods my double-glazed top window (bottom section blanked), the radio prattles on subdued volume; every now and then the front door goes banging, letting some busybody personnage in. Busy body: I am all but busy. I feel like those clouds: ever so distant, drear and insubstantial. Just like the weather, my heart feels chilled."Time goes by so slowly for those who wait," says Madonna.
But what about me, waiting for nothing? Time goes terminally slow.
Of course I must fabricate my own future. And that's what's new, I realized in my despair. I'm one of the people who's forever waiting for my boat to come in.
In lifetime past I was, of course, accustomed to sending out many little boats. All the time, on a frequent basis. Even though they usually were the tiniest of boats, out they got sent; and many did come back in...
For instance, I used to send off my answers on a postcard (remember those competitions? Before the blanket predominance of email and premium phone numbers?) By selecting prize draws with care (e.g. from trendy magazines whose readers mostly considered themselves above such trivia) I won all manner of nicknacks: guides to snowboarding, manga anime videos and so on...
And I had an endless stack of eyecatchingly funky specimens from the "please take a postcard" racks in trendy bars. I collected hundreds. These eyecatching postcards definitely helped me win...
I also applied myself to writing (unpublished) fiction, poems and other "works" I don't feel I wasted any time in so doing: firstly, writing is way more satisfying than timewasting old crosswords, sodoku and so on... and second, you actually have something to show for your efforts. As the only worthwhile author of writers' how-to guides, Dianne Doubtfire, pointed out; nobody expects to perform other acts of craftsmanship such as banging together furniture, or etching glass vases without first completing a rigorous apprenticeship. And so it is with writing. So none of my time or efforts have been wasted. I try to approach my memoirs etc with a sense of mellowness... Well I do try...
I was watching Trotters TV last night (ie handfeeding bits of bread etc: and they were so funny. I only gave one blob of wholemeal bread roll and Spherical grabbed it, who is top peck. Bashful immediately took up nibbling the other side, but Spherical reared up into wrestling position. Then Itchy's ears went up as she finally realized food was in the offing and it was right beside her... She stuck her nose out... till she realized Spherical was playing top peck, and didn't even attempt to have a nibble. Off she slunk to the wheel and let Spherical, now alone and relaxed, finish her top peck meal in peace...
Watching them I realized suddenly how very tiny they actually are. And why I gravitated towards such tiny trotters in the first place. They're just like kittens or puppies at two to three weeks; yet you know they will never pass the "tiny enough to sit on your palm" phase. Plus they do trot round and round like a furry horse race at times of tubby excitement.
(And I'd promised myself no robo-rants today. Sorry!)
And last but not least MORE legal news:
The Express Newspaper Group has reached a $1.1 million out-of-court settlement with the parents of missing toddler Madeleine McCann, who was apparently snatched from a holiday apartment in Praia de Luz in the Algarve, Southern Portugal, last September.
The Daily Express and Star newspapers had libellously suggested that the little girl's parents had something to do with her disappearance, which I'm sure most reasonable people consider to be absolute rubbish just as I do.
As part of the settlement the Express newspapers' legal team made an apology before the judge in open court, and more to the point were compelled to publish grovelling FRONT PAGE apologies in both national titles this morning. The Daily Express and the Star have a combined daily circulation of 1,400,000 and a readership of over three million.
Click here for the Independent newspaper's report on the matter... (The Daily Express and Star are mysteriously not googlable this evening...) I got the article from the Express online via msn; but on further clicking "the article ... may have been deleted"...
OK post over. I'm off to SLEEP... I've not slept properly since Sunday...
GOOD NEWS for an Australian lady in Hanoi, Vietnam. She got caught with about 3kg of heroin in her shoes (must have had a very funny walk; you imagine 3 bags of sugar in YOUR shoes...) a high court has downgraded the life sentence she was inconveniently awarded into a sentence of death... why on earth people think life is "merciful" but death "cruel" I fail to comprehend... the British prison service are especially pervy... keeping double child killer Ian Huntley alive after two (rather pathetic, it has to be said) suicide attempts... if death is so against "human rights" why not have an elective death penalty? Where anyone sentenced to life can make the decision to die at any point during their sentence and be permanently out cold within the hour? Now THAT is civilized for ya...
BEES BLOG
MOUNTAINOUS COUNTRY... lack of recent peace... taken over so many say by a country soon to have Olympics, though the country soon to have Olympics has, so I hear always thought of the mountainous land as an annexe... to see recent pixx click here
Hi Gleds, sorry I have been neglecting you. Things have been pretty bad. Thanks for your messages on my blog. They cheered me up. I have seen the shrink today and am going to try and catch up with things tomorrow.
ReplyDeletekeep yer pecker up as u r doing the best u can. thats all we can ask of ourselves.
ttfn
lostgirl x
I'm thinking you need a project to get out all that creative writing you have gleds. Are there any local charity set ups to assist kids/adults with writing/reading skills. Might help to lesson the chill in your heart to volunteer some of your skills *!*
ReplyDeleteWriting is never a waste of time. You know you can self publish your writing for free on LULU.COM? I published my grandmother's biography which my Dad wrote when he was 70 - he was thrilled to see it in print!
ReplyDeletehi there u,
ReplyDeletebtw so u have mentioned maddie, do u think she is still alive? i dont want to appear a really bad person, but i think she is dead long time ago & a lot of concerns r now abt shanon mathews, right? whats the deal with the lil cute girls beign missing? that is sooo sad & it only underlines that the world is immoral :(
& luv the pics. guess madonna was right, time does go by so slowly sometimes. but when u r having fun, it doesnt. it flies when u r on holidays.
& u should definitely definitelyyyy write. u CAN do that nicely. screw them sudokus i dont understand shit in them :D haha :D
hope u r doing well!
I agree. I think it's far more cruel to have to live out a life in prison. I'd think a death sentence is the merciful thing compared to life in prison, no parole.
ReplyDeleteLost: get that useless bastard to actually DO something for once... (if you can)
ReplyDeleteBimbimbie: I did consider doing adult literacy actually. At least I (hope I'd have)... enough patience...
Akelamalu: thanks I will save that url, but I don't think I want to selfpublish I don't know how I'd subsequently SELL the book, know what I mean..?
Edyta: Madeleine McCann: probably dead. Soduku you have a line of nine squares and grids of 3x3=9 squares. each contains numbers 1-9. each 3x3 square and each line of 9 has 123456789 each number only once
Nicole:
Nicole: THAT is why I only give 4 comments per box as computers have a habit of just doing things on their own... I never pressed return then something weird happened with the mouse... death. yeah far better than life. why should anyone have to stay alive if they're never getting out anyhow? may as well be dead + it's cheaper + a living paedo is alive to spread the spirit of his crimes to other prisoners who ARE getting out who might put his ideas into action and so his legacy lives on
ReplyDeleteWell obviously you want to get it published through a publisher if you want to make some money out of it, but if you just wanted to see what it looks like you can self publish - you don't have to put it on sale if you don't want to just buy a copy for yourself for what it costs to print.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I'd be able to do that without a lot of hassle putting it through the right book-layout program. unfortunately it's going to be hassle enough merely wordprocessing the whole gargantuan hulk onto white A4 ready for photocopying!
ReplyDeletebut many thanks for the thoughts and I WILL keep those details you gave me. I was thinking of writing a book called "The Tubby Roborovski" ... now THAT is a selfpublishing enterprise and would look so extraordinarily entertaining in print... do they do photo and/or picture books as well..??
;->...
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're going through a really tricky time, but I can tell you absolutely have the strength to change things in your life!
ReplyDelete