I'VE JUST HAD TO LOOK AFTER A FRIEND who nearly overdosed in front of me... had to watch on her, check on her, keep squeezing the hand (nicer than waking them up saying "are you OK? are you OK?" which is just annoying for the other person) making sure I get squeezes back... yes all due to lovely heroin.Heroin the "love" of my life. And that's the saddest thing... it's like a bad relationship where you're consistently abused, battered, let down and cheated upon and yet still you turn back and back again and again because it's the only thing in the world that makes you feel better...
... like that Bob Dylan song:
I'm on the pavement
thinking about the government;
he's in the basement
mixing up the medicine...
heroin is like the ultimate balm...
imagine a medicine that soothes every ill within seconds of ingestion, the ultimate easing balm... that's what it does. Sad as may be, I have loved heroin like nothing and nobody else because no matter how I have otherwise felt, it always made me feel better than before.
And apart from that I don't know what else to say.
I had a long talk at the drug service. My worker, whom I've clicked with, said "you seem to be drowning in this moroseness"...
Drowning? That's exactly it.
The day before I'd spent entertaining the repetitive thought of curling up under a hot shower, digging nail scissors deep into the pulse at each wrist and lying there bleeding...
morose?
Then I told her I was learning Japanese, and she said "what do you want to do for the future?" and I said the only thing I could think of that I could easily get qualified for (something that does not require a degree or long training course) was the TEFL Teaching English as a Foreign Language certificate. It costs about £1000 to aquire and once you have it you can travel just about anywhere in the world and get a nicely paying job, as I say, teaching your own language. And because I have troubled to pick up two more languages approaching fluently and another three more basically I do feel qualified to do that job well...
... so as for the future...
... let's see ...
;->...
It was Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday last week...
VIDEO: SPECIALS AKA ~ FREE NELSON MANDELA
VIDEO II:
MOBY: Go
This tune incorporates the dreamlike theme from Twin Peaks...
VIDEO III:
NUCLEAR TESTS
I found a really poetic compilation of nuclear test fireworks, it was absolutely beautiful... Nuclear fusion is the very power of God Almighty in action and this video is the nearest thing I could find to it today...
PS:
This may be old news to some of you, but I heard it on BBC Radio 4 this morning... my blogging acquantance, Olive, from Sydney, Australia, "the world's oldest blogger" died last week aged 108... RIP Olive...
You would be good at teaching. My friend Gianna lived in Japan for a few years doing the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI agree about you being a good teacher Gledwood! My son did the course and can speak a bit of Japanese especially after visiting Japan! It's a good skill to have anyway, for many occupations that can take you somewhere ;)
ReplyDeleteIt´s a good sign that you are thinking about the future.
ReplyDeleteOh dear, that's sad about your friend, Gleds. Hope she's out of the woods now.
ReplyDeleteI so envy you being multilingual. I love languages and high on my list is learning Italian. My granddaughter, who is 16, can speak and write Japanese. She's done it at school since about grade 5. Should stand her in good stead in life.
Gleds . . DO IT . .the language course that is, not the scissor thing. You need the distraction. I hate hearing of suicidal thoughts when you clearly have a brain.
ReplyDeleteI mentioned Olive in a comment last week. Very sad but an amazing life. I'll miss her blog. Japanese seems to be the language of choice, especially in OZ.
Hi Gleds ~~ Nice to hear from you, I haven't got round to visiting much lately. Thanks for the news of Olive. She died early Saturday 12th July and her blog is still there. I think Mike will post more of her stories. Her death made the US news also. I guess living to 108 is newsworthy. You take care of yourself my friend. Glad you were able to help a friend. But please take care of you. The English teaching sounds like a great idea
ReplyDeleteand gives you something to work
towards. Take care, Love, Merle.
Hi! I haven't popped by in a while, so just now catching up on your posts.
ReplyDeleteI've taught in Japan for two years and have been teaching ESL in Canada for about eight years now. It's great that you are learning Japanese, because when I went to Japan, I had NO knowledge of the Japanese language. BIG MISTAKE!! I learned Japanese while I was living in Japan, but wish I had studied the language BEFORE I went abroad!
I speak English, French, Spanish and Japanese...which really help when traveling!
Wishing you the best :) If you ever have questions or want to know about TEFL and life in Japan, feel free to send me a message :)
It's very very difficult to pull yourself on the hairs and out of the sh..t. You are in a constant fight with your brain and yourself. This language thing would be very nice I know that English teaching people are very much wanted ! Also only for conversations.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless Olive. I had only visited her blog a couple times after you first mentioned her. OR maybe I saw it on your sidebar.
ReplyDeleteAlways keep your hopes and dreams alive! I think you would be a good teacher.
Continue learning and go for it!
Teaching is a great option... especially you can easily travel. I teach French as a foreign language as you may know ;)
ReplyDeleteBut you need to get better, clean up, move on. You're strong and you're so lucid about drugs it shows you're smart.
I assume heroin feels great, users aren't stupid. Yet...
Gleds I am glad you were able to be there for your friend, and see another evil of heroin.
ReplyDeleteHey Gled, greetings from San Franciso...
ReplyDeleteKeep going to NA, dude. It's going to click.
Nicole: that sounds cool
ReplyDelete:Anon I'd want to go to Japan too...
Eileen: definitely
Pussinboots: My friend is fine thanks it wasn't so terribly bad an ambulance was needed or anything. Not at all nice though, really...
I envy your granddaughter getting the opportunity to do Japanese at school... I'd have done Chinese and Japanese if I had the choice, not French and German... (or why not all 4? + I've always wanted to learn Spanish it's one language I do not speak & yet keep coming across it and not understanding it wrankles...
The choice of languages in schools here is: French, German, Spanish, Italian if you're really lucky. One highschool that IS teaching kids Mandarin Chinese won't do it for the GCSE (lower school leaving certificate)... the headmaster couldn't even explain why...
Baino: I'm definitely up for doing it. Have to find out how to get that TEFL cert and how £££ive it will be... Japanese is the big language not Chinese? I suppose Chinese is more recent... I keep getting people telling me I ought to be doing Chinese instead... imagine learning Italian and everyone saying NO you should be doing Spanish instead because of South America when you want to go Sicily...?
ReplyDeleteMerle: thanks for that lovely message...
how weird to hear about the death of an acquantance from the mass-media like that? I still find that weird having "spoken" to her via Mike and her comments boxes...
on the American news? wow!!
C: I really am looking for a good Japanese textbook that teaches how to WRITE the language as you go... ALL the ones I've come across here are dreadfully patronizing, assuming it's just too difficult which I find ridiculous. In fact the kanji are about x10 EASIER than I expected... soon as I got to realize there are only so many radicals (which are, after all supposed to be an aide-memoire) suddenly it's WAY easier than expected...
Re European languages: I got a bit bored with how very much variations on the same theme they all are: Germanic, Romance, Slavonic and so on...
Gattina: how odd you should get in touch I was going to drop by TODAY in fact..!!
You're right about the English... when I went to France aged 18/19 so many people only wanted to use me as a free English lesson..!!
Crystal: I will do. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteZhu: Hey how are you?
Drugs: you're right of course. No way could I leave the country, let alone go/or do anything interesting without first getting self clean... otherwise I'd put myself in such great danger!
My greatest regret was not following my heart towards Japanese when I was still 18 and had not made the crucial mistakes I have...
Japanese are such a "straight" society... knowing myself I'd be to terrified not to just go along with the flow there...
MQ: I've seen that before. It's always horrible and the person it happens to (unless they really are in such a bad way they need IV Narcan) really has very little idea of the stress they've caused
:-<..
Whitenoise: Re the message: cheers
+:~
I've just realized why you call yourself that name; you must get a hellovalotta whitenoise up there... isn't it supposed to be awfully "entrancing"..??