HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Sweet Mulberries

MYSTICAL MULBERRIES! I picked some ripe ones this afternoon from a mysterious tree I know... jazzy bloodstains ran down my hand, bright scarlet juice... well yummie. (This is not a picture of the actual tree, though it does look just like it...) If only I could get a ladder to it I could make a pie (or even better a crumble. If you don't know crumble (do they have it abroad? I've never heard foreigners talk about it;) it's pie filling in a casserole dish with sand-like floury stuff on top which is really nice. For a recipe clickonthis...

... erm~ and that's about all I have to say for today. I'm packed out with plans for the future, too excited to sleep and coasting on the (natural) high that results. Quite extraordinary!

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

all around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel...

Kahshe Cottager said...

Not only do I know how to make crumbles, I actually have two mulberry trees in my yard! Mine are the non-fruiting variety because I don't much care for the purple bird droppings, but my neighbour has two fruiting ones. I can get fruit from him ... as do the birds and squirrels! LOL

Akelamalu said...

I make the best fruit crumble this side of the pennines, usually with rhubarb from my garden!

Baino said...

Yep, even we antipodeans are partial to the slightly better remnants of that great oxymoron "English Cuisine". If you make a crumble with just berries, it's best to pad it out with a little apple to give it 'form'. Glad you're on a natural high! Makes for a change eh?

tut-tut said...

Waiting to hear what you have going . . .

Lucinda said...

Yeah, we have crumbles here... I've never had mulberries, but I'm sure they're good; almost all berries are good.

Squirrel said...

We have crumbles --an apple crisp is the american term for an apple crumble. Betties were big when I was a kid-- An Apple Betty has more fruit and a more pudding-y quality to it.

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds, can't believe a whole week has flown by since my last visit. I'm settling down with a mug of hot chocolate while I catch up with your posts. Crumble mmmmm ... forget the fruit just give me the crumble ;) but I am partial to a berry and apple combination*!*

Elaine Denning said...

Mmm. I love crumble. Apple, especially...with cream.

Gledwood said...

Hey I never knew crumble was internationally known... rhubarb: used to eat it as a kid but kind of gone off it (maybe the last time it wasn't well cooked...)... English cuisine an oxymoron? Really! Yet we were moaning about GERMAN delicacies like sauerkraut in the papers the other day... yes apple does stop the berry crumble getting too sloppy, aye!... I think vanilla ice cream (cheap or expensive variety) makes the very best accompaniment...

Nicole said...

Oooooh Mulberries are beautiful! There is a winery just outside of Adelaide, called Coreole, with the most spectacular garden and view and right in front of the old cottage building is a huge mulberry tree. Vincent and I picked some last summer. I had never tasted them before and they were one of the most delicious berries I've ever tasted.

Julie said...

Oh, the mulberry, what a nice delight! Hard to find them 'round here in a store, just have to know someone w/ a tree...it's been years since I've had any.. now I have a cravin!!
Thanks for stopping by!

Nicole said...

GLED - As bad as modern English "cuisine" may be at times, there are some really nice things. both Vincent and I love apple crumble, I've often made this. I also love the summer berry pudding and the traditional fruit cake and Christmas pudding with brandy sauce. I love pasties too and bread and butter pudding as well.

Nicole said...

Oh! And scones with jam and cream!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

No one has heard of crumble here but mulberries are popular. I love crumnle with custard!

Gledwood said...

Nicole: I had never eaten a mulberry till then (just heard them recommended: wouldn't you say they're aristocratic blackberries... sort of?...)

English cuisine: one of the funniest things I ever saw was some Belgian people trying to stomach an entire chip-shop bought fish and chips... "it's a bit stodgy" they eventually managed, though their faces said it all!

Julie: I've never EVER seen mulberries for sale... they'd be very expensive I'd expect... (though you do seem to get several crops a year off the same tree......)

Welshcakes: yes crumbles are effortlessly superior to pies!!! esp. with vanilla ice cream...

Cheesy said...

Here in the states we tend to call them "crisps" and ANY fruit is yummo! I like mine with rum sauce! I've never had a mullberry...It is a smell for airspray at Christmas time lol.

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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