HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Furry Entertainers

I SAW A GIANT TUBBY SEWER RAT AMBLING UP THE STREET AT 5 in the morning when I was out on a chocolate-sugar and milk hunt... the perky eared swine crossed the road at his own, extraordinarily slow, pace right in front of me, so I went to the kerb, knelt down and said "hello you great fatty!" in the stupid voice I reserve for furry animals. He gave me the most disappointed glance, then pinged back across the street and back to the bushes, where he'd been gathering birds' eggs or something...

Because it's the weekend I'm up to furry animal posting. To the left you see Reggie Rat's lookey-likey. To the right my namesake creature. If I had to be a rodent, I would be a harvest mouse. These are even tinier than roborovskis. Slightly longer in body-length they can be, but they're of far more slight a built, and hence designed for mousey-mountaineering. And it's definitely the climbing thing that appeals. I have seen these close up in a wildlife park. They were given a large indoor enclosure with wheat stalks and shrubbery they can climb with ease... Somehow I find the idea of abseiling among the blackberry bushes whose berries are bigger than me extremely entertaining ..!

If I had to choose any animal of course I'd be a bird (how imaginative: yes)... namely a seagull. I know the watery view's relatively boring, but you do get to wheel and glide over land (and that's half the fun of being a seagull: the effortless style of flight)... also you get to travel, plus I just luuurve fish anyway... so nary a lifestyle adaptation to be made, eh?!?

Last but not least we have pictured here the English water vole (better known as a water rat to you Wind in the Willows readers...) He's a tubby squeaking aquatic type of mega-mouse with the best doggie-paddle I've ever seen (and I have seen one doggie-paddle right past me down a fast-flowing stream when I was a kiddie...) Water voles are endangered species... and being that hamsters and voles share a genus/phylum/darwinian species compartment and I was born in the year of the water hamster or water rat... so here below, without a doubt is the embodiment of my Chinese star-sign. Ta-daaaa!!




LILY ALLEN: THE FEAR
This is sposed to be about the illusory nature of modern mores and existence... It's very Lily...


10 comments:

Jeannie said...

I think we have mice in our attic. I have no clue what kind they are. If I have to kill them, will you hate me?

Gledwood said...

They will be mus musculus (however you spell it) common house mice definitely not harvest mice who are tiny, ginger and only live in fields of cereals or hedgerows and will not come inside even in winter... you could always use humane traps if you don't want to kill any ;->...

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

You've written some lovely descriptions here, Gleds. If I could choose to be an animal I'd be a pampered dog! Buona domenica.

Puss-in-Boots said...

You obviously have an affinity with rodents, Gleds, and that is meant in the nicest possible way. My favourites are the little field mice with their tiny round bodies and loooooong tails. I think they're so cute.

Being in the country and having chooks, we get rats here, not the native rat unfortunately, but those sinister looking grey things which infest every country, ship, shop and attic...even car engines, as happened hear last winter. Nasty things...

Although I do have a very funny rat story which concerns McDonalds...I must post about it sometime.

Cheers...

Baino said...

I get rats in the rafters when it's raining and they sound like they're playing six a side soccer! Hate them. We've tried poisonning them but they just come back. Fortunately it's too hot up there in summer so they're back in the hedgerows and feed shed where they belong. Like the little field mice . . our native mice don't ping, they jump!

Anonymous said...

Norwegian brown rats are rather inconvenient... like Ronnie piectured they resemble a nuclear-generated mouse don't they... jumping mice? I like that. Bashful once jumped about 10ft up in robo feet... Itchy passed harmlessly unsquashed underneath.

Aren't those monkeys about the size of a hammy??

Anonymous said...

i usually cant stand lily allen but i really like this song, got it on my ipod already. meaningful lyrics, but i suppose they are pretty easy to say for someone in her shoes.

Gledwood said...

i didn't like lily allen for ages. specially considering her nonclever "attitude" thing she appeared to cultivate. but i've seen her interviewed by t4's miquita & taking off sheryl cole on the x-factor ~ she was hilarious

Gledwood said...

if i cuold be a perpetual puppydog like a young simi, Welshcakes, that would be pukka
;->...

Gledwood said...

hey I was hoping it was you from Junkylife, Naomo ~ thanks for getting in touch. C'mon when're you posting again..???

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood