AWW! WHAT can I talk about? My head is done in having posted about "depression" ~ just thinking about it makes it worse. I know it's for real because as well as feeling peed off all the time I've been sleeping ridiculously long amounts of time.It's not all down and doom though. The "invigilator" or whatever he calls himself ~ the guy in charge of yesterday's group ~ said I made a most profound statement when I piped up my Former Philosophy of Life (before I got sucked into junkiehood) ~ this was that you cannot change everything in life, can't necessarily avoid it, whatever you do, or defeat it. What you can change is your attitude to things ~ and THAT makes a massive difference.
If I cannot think my way out of these pits, surely I should be able to ACT my way out of them (that is by actions not pretence). Putting drugs well and truly behind me would be a good start.
But that's a massive one. So you see I'm shot in the foot before I start because my Task To Do is far too huge.I think that's why NA say "just for today" ~ ie live your life a day at a time. Sometimes the best way of not getting scared is just not to look down. Sometimes NOT seeing the bigger picture may actually help. Then perhaps afterwards we can marvel at the feats and accomplishments we might achieve.
MILES AWAY
I heard this playing over Morrisons' PA and thought "that sounds like Madonna, but it's good"...
PS: CAN ANYONE GUESS what's the famous mountain illustrated?
I think that living one day at a time is a great philosophy. It is a cornerstone for many recovery programs.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the mountain, I guess the Matterhorn.
The Reiki Precepts are
ReplyDeleteJust for today I will not worry
Just for today I will not get angry
Just for today I will count my many blessings
Just for today I will be honest in my dealings with people
Just for today I will be kind to every living thing
Just for today is a good way to live your life. There's always tomorrow to do it right if today goes wrong Gleds.
I just stopped by your blog. Thanks for stopping by mine. I responded to your comments.. I'm going to blogroll ya so I can come back when these lil things called kids are sleeping and not disturbing me..
ReplyDeleteGleds it's important to set 'achievable' goals. Start small and work your way from base camp to the K2 summit! Otherwise it all becomes to overwhelming and you don't do anything . .bit like me and yardwork. Sometimes it's all too much so I hit the couch and watch a DVD!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if I can find baby corn on K2. Probably not, but if I did, would it be the work of aliens?
ReplyDeleteYeah Gledderini, just take it one day at time. Frankly, that's how I do it!
ReplyDeleteThat mountain is not Everest, for that would be too obvious right? Is it K2?! But it also slightly resembles the Matterhorn.
That is a good Madonna song. Very catchy. I love the guitar work.
Yeah Gledderini, just take it one day at time. Frankly, that's how I do it!
ReplyDeleteThat mountain is not Everest, for that would be too obvious right? Is it K2?! But it also slightly resembles the Matterhorn.
That is a good Madonna song. Very catchy. I love the guitar work.
You're spot on Gleds. It's similar to what they say in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)... you can't control external stuff, things will happen, what you can do is work on how you deal/cope with these things, your reactions/attitude etc. In a negative situation, you can choose to react negatively (i knew this would happen, what's the point etc) or you can react positively 'ok, this has happened and it isn't good but here's what I DO have still and here's what I can do about it.'
ReplyDeleteOf course all of this is easier said than done, I think were therapy comes in is that it teaches you to recognise a negative thought (your pattern of behaviour) before it manifests itself too deeply. It makes you concsious of your thoughts. Not easy, a lot of hard work and dedication. I get resentful sometimes thinking about all the other confident, popular, attractive people from stable homes that are free of all these problems. Actually, I forget, it's those very people that I find boring and unable to relate to - in fact they run away from me if I so much hint at my crazy upbringing. So, I guess if I don't want to be friends with these people, why would i want to BE them. I suppose the answer is; easier life, straightforward, know where you came from and where you're going to.
No, I'm proud of my f@cked up family. I'm glad I've been thru things that make people uneasy when recounting the tales to them. I've stepped over many lines. I've been places most would only dream of (in their nightmares) both by force and by free will. It is mesed up but I am glad of all i've experienced. I'm glad of my 'bad' choices. They made me love and appreciate humanity better - not is some Disneyfied manner but taking in the good and bad and ugly.
I love you all
It would be great if you got over your shyness and we could meet f2f. This stuff deserves proper conversation, with refreshments.
Drugs are too abstract a thing to pin them as the cause of your trouble. When are people going to learn that in a majority of cases they are taken to enhance ones existence, to make life bearable. To prevent a more permanent prescription of suicide. My depression also long pre-dated any drug use whatsoever.
I don't care if this offends people, I am grateful to heroin. I know I wouldn't be here now otherwise.
Don't get me wrong, I also hate or rather resent her, the money - I would gladly pay the government for clean dose (contribute to helping the economy out of this recession). Wondering if every sniffle, teary eye or yawn is the start of something much much worse. Time, time spent chasing dealers who know you need them rather than vice-versa and always take the piss.
Again, I would rather go somewhere legal to get this and be able to get on with the rest of the day. Prohibition is what causes alot of the anti-social problems; arrests, thefts. Many people come out of prison more criminal than when they went in. Someone going in for possession (of drugs) will probably come out BA Hons in Burglary and Mugging. Prison is like a University/finishing school for Crime.
Anyway, enough of my rant. Glad to see your Robo still alive and well. Are you getting her a playmate or not?
take care Gleds, you're well loved by many.
xxxooo
Kelly
Sorry, Gleddy. I don't know jack shit about mountains.
ReplyDeleteI do sleep a lot when I'm depressed though. It's either sleep or drink, man.
Love you!
SB
Here's more info if you want Esperanto:
ReplyDeletehttp://bernd.wechner.info/Esperanto/grammar.html