I DON'T KNOW WHY IT IS, and I wish I could change my attitude, but every day on methadone is a miserable day. Nothing ever seems to fit, nothing sticks. Nothing's ever right. The only way I manage it is by keeping self and money strictly separate and avoiding venturing anywhere non-essential till after 5:30, by which time the Post Office is closed. I don't keep any money in a cashcard account.One of the Operatives who run the antidruggie Groups and Workshops and the Operative who interviewed me about my Mental Health History both seem to feel this is some sort of underlying depression manifesting as soon as heroin's not there screening it off.
I used to think it was just that I wanted an excuse to use, that my heart wasn't in the right place and that my attitude was wrong. But now I'm starting to believe perhaps these people have a point ...It's not like I have nothing to do, but the last 3 days nothing could engage me, nothing distracted me. I was doing "really well". Though I got highly annoyed waking up feeling rattled and slightly nauseous every morning until the methadone came on gradually, like a high tide, hiding the wasteland beach of my despair~(!!)
Heroin's far more efficient. It hits like a tsunami. No messing about there.
Even professional drugs services ~ detox units and the like hate methadone. They advise on the record to avoid methadone as far as possible in the week before Rapid Detox because methadone stays in the body an inordinate length of time and drags out withdrawal symptoms horrifically.I know one particular individual who was forced to come off methadone in prison some years ago and refuses to touch it to this day, it was such a harrowing experience.
I don't know what I'm going to achieve by saying this but just wanted my say ~ moan moan moan moan moan.
Cheerio now!
Illustration: top right, a model African Pygmy Hedgehog. I just thought I'd distract yous all with something more exciting to you than the predictable methadone-bottle post-illustration ...
Centre: sorry. Methadone clinic, Germany.
Bottom right, for those who missed it in Furry Friday on Saturday, a New Zealand hedgehog. Aren't they the cutest..?!?
MUSIC!
THE CARPENTERS ~ RAINY DAYS AND MONDAYS
~ and here's another!! ~
CARPENTERS ~ WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN
Those hedgehogs are adorable. I've never seen a photo of one. Really neat. My greyhound has a toy one that she likes to squeak.
ReplyDeleteGled ... after years of coming off heroin, I still get the same empty feelings as you describe. However, that should NOT stop you to carry on with detox. Mind you, it is disputable that Methadone is actually detox. How much are you on now, how fast do you have to reduce? If there is anyway I can help you, let me know. After all, I am not that far away and I do have a phone! If you want to email me, let me know and an I gladly give you my addy. Good luck with it all for now .... I will be thinking of you. K x
ReplyDeleteSounds hard Gleds but it's better than the alternative. Try to stay with it and Fishwhiskers is offering real life support there, you should take her up on it. A problem shared is a problem halved, I really believe that.
ReplyDeleteHello from across the pond. First time here and I shall return. I am very pro methadone. Whatever works to make you have a better quality of life, in the states we call it harm reduction. Certain feelings pass if you wait them out. BTW, The Carpenters? Wow, you took me waaayyyy back...Peace!
ReplyDeleteWhew, Gleds! It seems that methadone is just as bad in its own way as heroin. But, depression can be resolved if you're willing to try it so why not give it a try? It may make withdrawal easier for you...
ReplyDeleteI used to love the Carpenters...Karen's voice is like velvet honey...
I haven't seen a hedgehog for years...we don't have them here only echidnas or spiny anteaters as they can be referred to.
Take care, Gleds.
SYD: hey and here we get them in our gardens for FREE! I wonder how much an African Pygmy costs in a NYC pet "store"..?
ReplyDeleteFISHWISKAS: thank you very much. I will give you my email
BAINO: absolutely
LORRI: yes I think I should just stick with it
PUSSINBOOTS: I think I just have to learn to stick with the methadone, surely ... it's a lot better than nothing
Hey! One day at a time right!! Yeah.....:0(
ReplyDeleteI admire what you're doing,your post made me sad too. My husband is an addict...yet he denies it. We're getting divorced, have 5 children.Everything is falling apart etc....
I like reading your blog- sorry, don't know what else to say...:0)
That hedgehog is the cutest thang EVER.
ReplyDeleteLove you, Gleddy.
SB
Ok Gled ... but email me at karina.stoitzner@btinternet.com ... the one i use for google acc is redundant ... x
ReplyDelete