WELL IT'S BEEN NOT MUCH OF A DAY. I barely slept last night I'm happy and unhappy and annoyed and not annoyed and on drugs and not on drugs (ie I haven't taken any since this morning and that was because somebody else paid). From tomorrow onwards it's no drugs for me. I can't believe I backslid so ridiculously. I'm highly annoyed with myself.So here's some birdsong to strains of drum & bass. MY LIFE KEEPS CHANGING... it certainly does.
It's Sunday night and I cannot wait till all this is over and Monday has begun. I loathe Sundays, absolutely hate them. All time pits day of the week ...
Fabio and Grooverider* played this on their jungle sets on Kiss FM in the early 90s. I spent ages seeking out this tune and found it at last:
VAN KLEEF: LIFE BEGAN CHANGING
I like the birdsong
*Idiotic DJ Grooverider was arrested with 2.16g cannabis at Dubai airport and sentenced to 4 years prison. Unfortunately no public whipping, which he wholly deserved. Considering most tokers ~ bar the most selfish type ~ pass this most noxious and evil of all drugs to their friends, and that cannabis can induce psychosis within two minutes of ingestion, that sentence is very light indeed. They say the only case of death from cannabis involved a kilo-block of hashish falling from a high window and striking an unwitting passer-by in Morocco. What they fail to mention is the living death cannabis induces in its more sensitive users. I can't believe they dealt with this guy so leniently. he even got a pardon 10 months into his sentence. Heroin addicts ~ who merely self-medicate the unbearable darkness of being ~ are treated like the scum of the earth. Just goes to show how The Rulers of the Dark object to any escape from the misery they impose on those who dwell on earth.
my mother is a nurse, has been since she went to hitchin to train aged 17 (she is now 53), she is also a qualified midwife, now working as a district nurse. i admire medical professionals beyond belief. she deals with a lot of drug addicts, alongside old people, as often their gangrenous legs mean they cant get out etc, their collapsed veins have caused them problems, heart issues etc. she and her collegues treat them with the upmost respect it makes me want to cry.
ReplyDeleteANYWAY my mum worked in pallative care next dore to a famous hospice in cambridge called arthur rank (my uncle died in here) and i often donate to their shop. i tried to volunteer here and they contacted my key worker and gp for references and they said because i had bipolar disorder etc. i was not stable enough to deal with death and i couldnt volunteer there- or rather, it wasnt advisable.
not wanting to put a downer on it or anything, you are older; i was 21, but they might see you better able to deal with it. hope so. it can be amazing.
my mums patient just went into that hospice, and she visisted him. he couldnt really talk but the way his eyes lit up and seeing her come; that she bothered, when she was just his nurse, made all teh difference in his dying days. good on you for volunteering, its wicked
YOU ARE NOT THE TYPICAL JUNKIE!
This comment has nothing to do with the post, but do you masturbate? If so how often? If not when was the last time?
ReplyDeleteDid you know that Brit woman have the largest breast per capita. Did your ex have large jugs?
Btw, sundays do suck. If my questions to private no need to approve it or answer, but you could email me, and tell me.
Whew....
ReplyDeletePut the past behind you and move on, Gleds. So you backslide...tomorrow's a new day to look forward to a new start. You'll do it...on a much lesser scale it's the same for a smoker trying to give up. (I know about that). It took me quite a while and I backslid a few times. The beauty of it is that a backslide is not the end...it's just a delay and you can start the quitting process again. The main thing is don't beat up on yourself, Gleds. You're human and allowed to make mistakes. As the song says, they're the only things you can truly call your own.
ReplyDeleteHang in there...you'll do it.
stop having Sundays.... what I mean is find a way to fill Sundays up - I know AA members who go to 2 or 3 meetings over the weekends just to "shut the head up"
ReplyDeleteanyway - hoping today and the rest of this week is a good one for you
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ReplyDeleteNaomi I'm with you there. I agree with the hospice system 100%. Leave poor dying people alone. As they say laughter is the best medicine (on top of diamorphine)... be kind, be nice, bring joy to people's last days. That's why I want to work in a hospice. I think it's an honour to be with people in their final hours. A real honour.
ReplyDeleteAnnaGrace I wish I could. At least I might get some fun. Like I said, I have no libido at all, I'm sure there's something wrong with me. It's not physical it's mental, the desire just is not there. In a way this is really good. Most of the problems in the world are caused by sex, let's face it. If there were no sex there would be no wars, no murders, no anything. No babies either, but hey. No poor little doots born into this miserable world. So it's plus points all round!!!
Now I've a question for you, how much are you into wanking or would you rather have a booty call?
When I was into sex I just did casual sex it was much more fun and I tended to be the one obsessed about rather than doing the obsessling. This meant I got loads of favours a lot of them didn't even want to repay. Male sexuality is weird though. When you HAVE to perform bc your girlf is horny and you're not it can feel like a real imposition. Of course women do the equivalent all the time but men can't lie back and think of England (or Wisconsin)... at least not in the same way. I used to have this fantasy about having a vagina installed in on the back of my lower left leg. You know how much perverts will pay for something unusual. I could stick my leg out as far as possible from the revolting hairy disgusting punter and let them fuck me while I had a nice leaf through Take A Break magazine or whatever. Also this vagine would come in really handy for drug smuggling ha ha har!
Syd whew what?
PussInBoots You know heroin and cigs are VERY similar.
It does annoy me hearing heroin addicts talking about this first time high being the ultimate and their spending years trying to recapture it. UTTER BUMKUM!
When you smoked, were you trying to recapture the feeling of that very first cigarette?
Just as with ciggies, heroin makes you nauseated and sick first time you use. You use heroin like you eat food. It makes you feel better. Simple as!
Furtheron I think I might well try some meetings. I got a bit averse as some of the members get a bit OTT (I'm talking more NA than AA...)
Over the years I've been to loads. It's definitely something I ought to do again, thanks for the idea. You know me I keep forgetting what I'm supposed to be doing so maybe I should try AA. I've only ever been to 2 AA meetings in the same place so I don't really have a good model of what really goes on there. It seemed to work for you. If it's anything like NA it'll work for the WORST cases BEST. So it should work really well for me :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg3JZJk291I
ReplyDeleteright bacK atcha !
great tune
big love :)