Cutting through the Alcohol Obsession

20:20 DOES MY BODY ACTUALLY REMEMBER how much I drink? Why does "it" want one more now? Does "it" know I usually take 2? Is it just me? I've been drinking for 10 years between 7.5 units (75mls) and 22.5 units (225mls neat alcohol) that's 2-6 half litre 7.5% vol white cyder cans.

20:52 I'm on Smirnoff Ice vodka-cloudy lemonade 4% vol 700mls which is 2.8 units 28mls alcohol and it is much nicer than the "gutrot" I was on before. Also I can water this at will with cans of cloudy lemonade. (Huge bottles I will probably just glug through, I know me.)

I came in from the shop met the nice guy downstairs who told me he hears voices (I don't care if he's a nutter; so am I!) also it's an alliance against the people who hate me here, so it's important. We also give each other money. Both ways. I like this guy. He was on "white" (crack) running between crack houses. Doesn't even smoke a spliff now. Is still hyper and I know someone on drugs he ain't on drugs. He struck me as "mental health" the second I first saw him.)... I was in a good mood, With a rush I used to get from drugs. Hey at least this means I've not burned out my brains on all these chemicals. Otherwise I'd not be ABLE to feel good...

Gotta run: Iceland's best cauliflower cheese in oven!




22:33 NA Basic Text p294 ("What Makes Me Happy Now") Japanese woman shares about NA in Japan:
Many women shared how drugs were a good thing for them, until their using became unmanageable. I didn't understand this until the new translation. These woman also had a hard time with the word "recover". In Japanese "recover" means "to go back to the way you used to be." Surviviors of abuse don't want to go back to the way they used to be. In recovery, they want to move on and grow. People who had nothing to start with were afraid that they really had nothing to recover...

And THAT, my friends, is what put me off stopping for ever such a long time. I had nothing to come back TO.


Read Shane's post about a heroin drought (2001) for the truth on the attitude of drug clinics to the Truly Desperate ...


187 LOCKDOWN: GUNMAN
Thanks Lizzy (spelled correctly this time)
I like this



SNEAKER PIMPS: SPIN SPIN SUGAR (ARMAND'S DEEP GARAGE MIX)
for Melody



"We are E" means the same as Urban Shakedown's Some Justice "we live as one family"... we're all together, all as one, on this brilliant stuff E for Ecstasy. Which lived up to its name with me, I thought it was fantastic, more fantastic than anything before or since ...

LENNY DE ICE: WE ARE IE (GARAGED UP)
one more for garage-lovin' Melody



LENNY DE ICE: WE ARE IE (ORIGINAL 1990)




WE ARE IE (HIJACK MIX)



WE ARE IE (CASPA & RUSKO MIX)





Illustrated: bolt cutters ~ I need these to cut through my drinking obsession ....