habits and excusese and making you a better person than when you went On Drugs. I said I came to NA for serenity. And I said I had been taking heroin as self-medication, that crack made me a mess, that I was very reluctantly taking methadone (and nothing else) and that taking illegal drugs is putting your happiness in the hands of a cunt on a mountain bike. I hope they get my point.I don't do group hugs. Done them before, they do my head in. Eeeee was the "hug drug" so "hugs not drugs" means... confusion for me.
Gotta go wash again. Twice a day. With a bowl of hot water. I'm allergic to showers when the stupid showerhead won't stay where it's meant to be so you can't just Walk Under Hot Rain you gotta hold the stupid thing doing a bowl of water instead. Yeah I'm a living breathing 38 year old 3 year old. Got that bad. Least I'm attempting to take care of myself now. Someone has to, that someone has to be me.
Right I'm off, take care everyone ;-)
ALAN HULL PIPEDREAM (1973)
you have to let this one get going.... THANKS BUGGALUGZ!!
... reminds me of this one...
PINK FLOYD SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND... Syd Barrat tribute. Syd Barrett who blew his brains out on LSD... bloody hell this is slow. In drugs terms, spliff-tokers' music ;-)
this one's bigger because the pictures change slide-show style... it's the original album version
Hang in there Gelds. We're all reading about our successes and are behind you.
ReplyDeletebledy hell i dont know where 2 start.
ReplyDeletejust listened 2 few tracks alan hull and crazy diamond - classic innit?
and yeah defo "tokers' sounds man"
i went on mad clean up today, proper manic
took me few hours to accelerate
teenage son started it.
at home on 2 day exclusion from school(yes thats punishment! for who? me?) because he called some bitch of a teacher a"bitch of a teacher"
would not wanna b fifteen again.
he dont like that fact that i have got to a point where i dont care what anyone in this white, miidle class, market town, where for some reason i stalled i few years back.
says or thinks about me.(tory BASTARDS!)
he knows i am right (not 2 care)
and he likes it really
what he dont like is those that judge this book by its cover.
but they r the majority.
so he struggles.
he is torn. bless him. phenominal mood swings.
he likes (as do his mates)that his mum the only one mad enuf 2 let him + 10? mates take over downstairs 4 new year eve
an smoke and drink.
but then wants me 2 have a normal front room like his mates' mums.
he knows this dont add up. but still wants it.
well want dont get HA!
u sound good today
2 washes. steady on
i'll let it thunder, let it whistle,
let it blow like hell, i'm not really caring.
and my state of mind needs no repairing
not sure y u seeing psychiatric dr (or similar) on wed. (have i missed something?)
i know u far 2 intelligent 2 let them persuade u that there r things going on, that aren't or vice-versa
but you r still recovering
u not in any rush
u not gonna b like this forever
not that i think ote wrong
(going by what i read)
but they can only c what u r on weds. not yesterday.
i hope they dont set u back at all.
they cant know any more about u than u.
so much of what i think or write or read on here seems to echo itself into the real world during the day. its weird.
i just heard a noise so gonna lock up. para eeby geebies
i b back
Mom and Dad: hi it's always nice to hear from you, I hope all is good from your side I wouldn't change places with you for all the tea in China... all the worry/despair/heartearing re a wayward child probably with good intentions and and a good heart but a terrible nasty problem leading him into trouble. I couldn't watch my kid go on drugs. It would do my head in.
ReplyDeleteBuggalugz: they used to send kids home I think the idea was they get hell of the parents ~ that was then this was now.
Adolescent hormones play havoc with ya mood.
Then there's the Genetic Thing. They asked me about that one time. My Mum has depression. Still has it now all these years later. Not mental hospital bad but antidepressants bad. She says she knows by the season by the warning signs when it's coming. I reckon I inherited a lot of temperament from her side: her parents were both gamblers, her brother was a huge gambler and drinker, my cousins on that side love their drugs! That's my family!! High on E with my cousin was fantastic as well. My Australian Cousin here in London about 3 years.
It took us about 2 years to understand each other. E.g. if I made a joke she took me at face value. Her friends were cool as shit. Not "I'm cool" people just people who are THE VERY BEST fucking hell ~ never met a bunch like her bunch "a man is known by his friends" the proverb goes, so he/she is
her boyfriend was fantastic he and i were chalk and cheese "he doesn't like me" "trust me if he didn't like you you'd know about it" i get on with cheese quite a lot. i'm chalk.
i make pretty patterns on a pavement, like chalk does
(psychedelia)
yeah the dr is weds i have to see this one he's senior to the last weds one
he's treating me far as i can tell
they probably will want my next negative drugs screen on weds which will be piss easy. piss and they see it. really simple
no fakery my end
i was only paranoid some person had interfered with my head, my system, put drugs in my food, that stuff, as i was higher than ever been yet without drugs
yet people telling me i'm hypochondriac for worrying about a problem that was real enough for him to listen last time. he looked shocked when he saw me last time
everything has its parallel and its echo out there
is it an exchange of energy
is it coincidence
i never got that one
i know what you mean though
i have to ping off it's 3 past 2am and i'm only up bc i woke up!! i should be behaving and sleeping!!
I am always wishing you the best. Always.
ReplyDeleteGood that you went to NA. I hope that it will help. Listen and learn is what I heard when I went to my first meetings. It takes a lot to go and to keep going back. But in the long run, I believe it will be the way to serenity. Thanks for sharing the Crazy Diamond. My favorite.
ReplyDeleteMs Moon: thanks :-)
ReplyDeleteSyd: I told you about it yeah? I remember reading about your tiny boat on the roaring high seas last night so I must have told you... that is the proper version of crazy diamond. the others are live and probably only performed to top up the bastards' pension plans!