I SHAT, SHOWERED AND SHAVED THIS MORNING. I look a hundred times better clean-shaven than my ordinary homeless look. I'm one of those folks who scrub up really well. Formal clothes really suit me. See I should have been born a 1920s aristocrat. I've got that "don't care" attitude down to pat already. When something goes utterly tits up distraught I call it a "mild inconvenience". I ought to be living in Brideshead Revisited. Unfortunately I don't.
And I know I shouldn't be negative, but I don't really feel any better for having cleaned myself up. (Should I?) I need to get some of that fake perfume from the pound shop. Their best one was called something like Code Green. It was pretty pukka. Unfortunately those cheap scents omit a crucial ingredient (I've no idea what it's called) but this missing ingredient makes the aroma wear off about ten times faster than proper perfume does.
When it comes to proper designer scent my favourites are Opium pour homme. Our local Boots pharmacy used to have this on tester. I showered in it free every day. Mother Hubbs used to say I smelled "like a French tart's boudoir". But it's better than reeking of BO. Opium Homme is the only male fragrance available in eau de parfum, that is ultra-strong formulation. I loved this stuff. And no it wasn't JUST the "druggie" name that appealed. (Incidentally Opium smells nothing at all like actual opium, which is highly acrid.
The other drug-oriented fragrance I like is Dior Higher. I love incense-flavoured perfume and Higher smells just like joss-sticks.
My favourite perfume of all time is Antaeus by Chanel. Several people have described this as "edible". It's absolutely sublime and like most of the best men's fragrance there's no female version.Another one I like is Givenchy π Pi (the gold version; the blue one has a missing ingredient, it's just not as good) once the horrible aniseed top note wears off this stuff is really really nice.
If you're into something mellower the best stuff's made by Davidoff. Cool Water is like a vastly superior version of Joop.If you're wondering how an inactive junkie like me knows all this stuff, it's because I did used to work and when I worked I wore proper perfume (as I call it, if you've masculinity "issues" or a tiny wonga you might want to call it aftershave). The designer stuff really is far better than cheapo alternatives.
My top tip for men's fragrance is NEVER EVER BUY AFTERSHAVE. Aftershave means marginally cheaper and VERY much weaker. It's a ripoff. It has nothing to do with shaving (you don't splash aftershave on your face unless you're a masochist). The best place for perfume is the neck. Or just spray it all over. Gift packs are good with the shower gel, soaps and lotions. If you shop about you can get these for the same price as the perfume alone.The music of my youth is now labelled "old skool"... how ancient does that make me feel! Here's three classics:~
WE ARE IE
CLOSE YOUR EYES (FORGET YOUR NAME, FORGET THE WORLD, FORGET THE PEOPLE)
DEAD DRED (WHAT'S THE TIME DRED)
The difference between cheap and expensive is 1. the essential oils - cheap uses chemicals - the good stuff uses the real thing & 2. the dilution with alcohol gives you the various strengths with toilet water/after shave as most diluted and perfume as least. We used to sell the real colognes but they were diluted in a cheaper alcohol - they were not knock-offs - they were identical to the designers but had to be left unnamed due to copyrights. Some people preferred them because they were stronger than the designer colognes. I think they turned faster than the real thing - because of the cheaper alcohol.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most sexy in men's fragrances I have ever smelt is Fahrenheit...can't remember who makes it. But, oh...is it divine? My new favourite is Chanel's Allure Sensual. Coming through Duty Free I found a tester and just had to use it!
ReplyDeleteOne of my everyday perfumes is White Musk oil from the Body Shop...I love that and have been wearing it for years.
My youngest daughter would not dream of leaving the house without perfume on. She's been like that since her early teens...she is now 40. She just adores perfume.
But I agree the knock offs are a waste of money...give me the real product!
my favourite is addict by dior,wonder why they give perfume names like addict and opium??fave mens one is farenheit also.
ReplyDeletegoon show us a picture of your dapper new look!
I like bay rum or cool lime. Something subtle but hardly ever wear any.
ReplyDeletereplying to your comment...
ReplyDeleteI'm not "on" anything, except cigarettes and pot. And I don't think I'm crazy. Maybe I'm just paranoid? actually... being paranoid might make me crazy hah.
And who is this Anna you speak of?
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ReplyDeleteJeannie: yeah you're right. I'd love to know the missing fixative lacking from pound shop perfumes... surely it can't be THAT expensive..! But the lack of it makes their crap wear off ever so quickly. So quick in fact it isn't worth spending £1 on a bottle when you can get stuff that will last and last for £20, £30 or so... stingy bastards!
ReplyDeleteOne of the most fascinating books I ever had was on perfume, wine and cola. In other words the intricacies of taste and smell... Well this guy explained that Chanel No 5 was the first commercially released perfume ever to contain synthetic aldehydes (which would have a fruity flavour or scent)... Chanel Number 5 is my all time favourite women's perfume. That and Giorgio Beverly Hills. When I win the lottery I'll spray Beverly Hills on my curtains, I love the smell so much ha ha ha. I'm thinking of getting a bottle of Opium EDP with the money I've saved not taking REAL opiates ha ha har!
Boots: Fahrenheit is Dior isn't it? I like that one too. I got a knockoff version from the Pound Shop that wasn't too bad but like all pound shop stuff, barely lasted an hour before you had to reapply. And I had to put on 12 squirts at a time. With proper perfume I only put on one or 2 and that lasts all day. I'd consider 3 squirts really heavy. Actually I might get that Opium. I LOVE the way it smells all vanilla and Christmas pudding the next day... wondrous stuff. Even if it DOES smell like a French tart's boudoir. And the women's version is nowhere near as good as the men's. I like my smellies ultra-heavy, unless I'm going for Davidoff style in which case they just need to be ultra cool. I'm not into those modern blue ones, or ones you can barely smell. I want my money's worth, I'm afraid!!
Lizzie: Thanks I'll post that one up tomorrow. Are you an old raver too then?!?
Don't you think a lot of the old hardcore was full of psychotic voices (ie spoken word samples)? Most extraordinary ha ha har!
Syd: aren't they drinks??!? I've never seen fragrances by those names. Are they Jo Malone type stuff? Are they exclusive to the United States?
When I get snobby bitches at the perfume counter, especially in midmarket chain stores I always ask for Amouage. It was concocted for an Arabian prince for his lover. I know they won't stock it and it used to be £1000 a bottle ha ha ha ha har!
Vivienne: I didn't really think you were crazy or "on" anything... but I DID find you from a comment on Anna's blog. Anna as in Anna Grace "I hate this place, I'm strung out again"...
ppfaceannagrace.blogspot.com
she's the one who revealed the glories of cold remedy re sensitivity "below stairs"...!
hi gleds,yes i am an old raver - only 37 and burnt out from weekends spent at free parties and european teknivals completely off my box, loved stimulants now the very thought of them brings me out in a cold sweat, did you like the tune?
ReplyDeletebig lovE to you x
My favourite mens' fragrance is Acqua Di Gio by Armani, so woody and manly, lush! The ones you mentioned are good too, though. Especially cool water. Where did you work before you stopped working? What did you do? Intriguing. Reading about your daily life it's easy to forget there was another life almost that came before all this. I sometimes entertain the thought that you might be a best-selling writer going incognito and this whole blog is just a project... I hope you don't take that as being malicious, what I mean is you write very well and don't strike me as the usual junky type at all (sorry to generalise). Maybe you're Will Self in disguise... I've been reading your blog for well over a year now and I'd like to know more about your past if you feel comfortable sharing it.
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