When I go in the post office I don't get why the woman behind the counter wants to live. I don't get why people on the streets laugh. I don't get why anybody wants to be alive.
HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.
Monday, March 07, 2011
Sleep Deprivation
I MUST HAVE HAD IT because I slept all day then all night. Waking at midday. If I told you I had 3 Valiums (1 by day; 2 at night) you'd think "ah! It was the Valium!" but that doesn't normally happen on Valium. I only bought them for nutter club later in the week to stop me having panic in there. I nearly had panic attacks that is I did have bad anxiety 2 days last week and I AM NOT going into anxiety territory. I really will kill myself if I get anxiety it is worse than depression. It is like a mild mania without the fun. I have to watch what I say here else fate will get me then I'll have to die. If I have anxiety I can never go in a nuthouse as they never treat anxiety in there. Violence, suicidal ideation, yes. Paranoid ideation they make a game out of.
When I go in the post office I don't get why the woman behind the counter wants to live. I don't get why people on the streets laugh. I don't get why anybody wants to be alive.
When I go in the post office I don't get why the woman behind the counter wants to live. I don't get why people on the streets laugh. I don't get why anybody wants to be alive.
A little self-pity goes a long way, doesn't it? It's because there are people who do enjoy life--real life and laugh deeply. If you haven't seen the Bucket List, get the movie. It is good.
ReplyDeleteI think life feels better for some people than for others. That's not to say they have a better life, it's just their chemistry isn't screwed up. Anxiety can really mess you up. You look for a reason for the butterflies and adrenalin and will jump on anything - causing paranoia. It's very uncomfortable. Try GABA from the health store. Seriously. It won't work as quickly as valium - or as dramatically at first - but it works wonders. You have to take it every day though. It's an amino acid that evidently some of us need more than others do. Alcohol uses the same receptors so I'm convinced that alcoholics may be trying to self-medicate and find this little gem. Given that alcoholism runs in families - and that various ethnicities have a propensity for it, I'm thinking it's a genetic trait as well. Do something good for yourself and try it. Unless you take too much, there are no side effects I've noticed. Only normality. Highly under rated normality.
ReplyDeleteYou must have needed the sleep to have slept for so long.
ReplyDeleteAKELAMALU; I must have needed that sleep I just cannot sleeep a long time naturally even on valium without "needing" it. I was "somnolent" for hours afterwards but Feel Better for the sleep!
ReplyDeleteJEANNIE: I'm going to try that stuff. I was eating MSG on food that I found out has precursors of GABA in it! No wonder the craving!
SYD: you're right. I think self-pity is healthy. At least it's not self-loathing, see what I mean? Usually I do the loathing not the pity so if I can do pity I'm in a better place. Well that's how I see it...!!!