I HAD A HORRIBLE MEETING with my drugs worker this morning. The meeting itself was OK. I kept saying nothing was that terrible. Maybe I'm not "depressed" at all; maybe this is just how I feel and I'll never feel any better. I walked out feeling very miserable. Had a horrible paranoid bus ride. Felt nauseated and sick. Nearly had a panic attack outside Morrisons. Went and got my methadone. Then went home and to bed where I had nightmares.Tomorrow I've decided to get up early and put on talk radio like my Mum does when she does the cleaning.
Only cleaning I've done today was handwashing a bowlful of clothes.
I put in a repeat of my repeat prescription today. The old one was sent by email and it never get through. For some reason they won't take repeat prescription requests over the phone. I thought this had something to do with my signing my name. No I just had to tick a box next to the word "risperidone".
As soon as I get these pills I'm going back on them. I'm very depressed about this. Having to take pills because I'm mad.
Well I'm going out down the local shop now for some Cup-A-Soup (only the type with croutons). My favourite flavour is asparagus, because I'm posh. But only Morrisons do that. And they sell 2 packets for the same price as my local shop does one. Stingy bastards.
Well I have to go to find this soup and try and think on positive things.
O there's a really good documentary on called The Lock Up. About the detention officers in Hull Police Station. I love stuff to do with police and prisons.
The police doctor is on screen. He looks characteristically gone-out. Well I've got to go.
I love stuff to do with prisons, and jails, and police too.
ReplyDeleteAt least there are meds they can try to help you with - you are not doomed to an entire life - or a short life of uncontrolled mood swings and hallucinations. Today, you will not be ostracized as they once were and thrown into some asylum until you rotted.
ReplyDeleteWhat's Cup-A-Soup ?
ReplyDeleteIs it those powder packets you add water to?
Sounds good. I get Campbells, but they don't even add any carrots to it anymore and there's like less than a tsp of chicken pieces in it.
It's like a dollar fifty now. Ridiculous.
My nephew was on respiradol spelling?)for about 6 mos. after being detoxed from all these morphine patches,oxycontin, etc. . He's off it now. He seems to be doing well.
Glad to hear Valeries back :)
j.
j.
I lived on cup a soup in college. It has a lot of sodium though. Just watched a Frontline show on methamphetamine. The part about brain chemistry and dopamine levels being altered by drugs reminded me of what has been going on with you.
ReplyDeleteMy friend and his old lady kicked good Mexican junk a few years ago. It can be done.
ReplyDeleteI was watching "The Panic in Needle Park," got curious, and came across your blog. The stuff about a UK drought was interesting. Hate to say it, but you folks seem to love giving away your freedoms.
No drought here in the Western US, as far as I know. The mexicans realized they had the climate and desire to flood the US with "gear."
anywho:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7hTPEIHIEA