I'm not doing clairvoyancy by the way, as I'm afraid of getting possessed. I think the Chinese characters I see in the air from time to time are eidetic memories, not clairsentient distance-vision.
I got up after midday and wasted ages trying to get it together to take my socks off and go into the shower and go outside and up to the methadone chemist. All the time I was out I wished I was back in bed. My bed is full of rubbish so I've been sleeping on the floor. I think it's good for my back.
As well as panicking how on earth am I going to move house, I tried to fill out a government form but it was so depressing and I got a fullblow paranoia attack from doing so.
On Monday I'm buying some more huge tartan washing bags and I'm just piling my stuff into them. My Mum said she would drive me to and fro. As long as she's not in France.
I would rather move into a nutterhouse than stay where I am. But I don't want to do anything. I just want to curl up and die. Then I tell myself not to be so damn childish, that life has a purpose and I feel this sparkly light. But I have no energy whatsoever to engage with this mystical purpose in life. So that's today and here's Lady Gaga:~~~
O yeah and re heroin, I know it's bad to be a heroin addict, that's why I want to stop taking the crap. I mean "want to stop" I haven't had it for a couple of days and when I had it, it was too weak for words. THE ONLY THING THAT EVER MADE ME FEEL GOOD (APART FROM PSYCHOTIC MANIA) AND I'M GIVING IT UP! I MUST BE TRULY DERANGED..!!
Ever feel like you fell down a rabbit hole while chasing a white rabbit?This is what comes to mind when i read your blog today....i know what forms are like and what they can do to your head,especially as some us of don't live in a linear time zone,can Deshane help you fill em in?I hope it all works out for you and your new home is superduper xxxx annie
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your fairly well organised, bags lift, sorted. Maybe you could get someone to help, as Annie suggested.
ReplyDeleteYou want to stop taking the crap, but do you have an alternative 'cold turkey' will be pretty rough. I remember when Renton did it in trainspotting and boarded himself in his room.
don't worry about nothing .whatever happens happens and you gotta know whats best for you.
ReplyDeletefirst you love the idea of movin and next your scared to death.Just do what you got to do.
You need to spend way more time away from your home.I think you need a change.
stop thinking so much.its bad for you.
I hope you'll be better when you move Gleds. x
ReplyDeleteGleds,
ReplyDeleteThis move sounds positive. Change can be a real frightening thing. It's so much easier to do what we always do or have done. Pack those bags and go. Embrace the new place. It might be just what you need.
I hope it's positive. Hope
ReplyDeleteif I could go permanently into infinity I would be much happier!
Gleds,
ReplyDeleteI hope the move works out well for you.