tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post4367932298916982310..comments2023-11-05T12:22:53.660+00:00Comments on Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog): Self-Deception and Excuses, Excuses...Gledwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-19694918865178133402009-01-01T19:14:00.000+00:002009-01-01T19:14:00.000+00:00thanks people. i think the CRUX is I don't want it...thanks people. i think the CRUX is I don't want it enough as (again an NA phrase) would I cut off my arm to go clean? no. have I tolerated mild withdrawal to go clean? never when drugs were on hand which says it allGledwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-57337483915814979122009-01-01T18:25:00.000+00:002009-01-01T18:25:00.000+00:00I think the feeling of "life itself running into m...I think the feeling of "life itself running into my veins" would be next to impossible to want to give up on my own. If I weren't such a chickenshit (prudent as it may be) you might have halfway talked me into trying it myself.<BR/><BR/>You know the pros. You know the cons. You know your weaknesses. But you are in love with a very dangerous mistress. Having OCD and suffering depression compound the issue (although perhaps you are self-medicating). <BR/><BR/>You already know that you must one day beat this or you will die from it. You want to escape. Escape what? It is more than just withdrawal you don't wish to face. I think you could handle withdrawal fine. You are strong willed or you wouldn't go through what it takes to get what you want. It's that demon that chased and cornered you into taking it the first time you need to exorcise. <BR/><BR/>Because whatever it was before, you did not want to live like that any more. And maybe now you don't have to. Maybe you are only in the habit of running from something that stopped chasing you a long time ago. <BR/><BR/>I could be full of shit too.<BR/><BR/>But I think you need some real world support. Hope you get it.Jeanniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15320507412459242451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-14358495670917101822009-01-01T00:39:00.000+00:002009-01-01T00:39:00.000+00:00admitting is fine and dandy, how about accepting i...admitting is fine and dandy, how about accepting it now?Queenneeneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-28594270391878203542008-12-31T23:38:00.000+00:002008-12-31T23:38:00.000+00:00Heroin addict you may be, junkie you may be, talen...Heroin addict you may be, junkie you may be, talented writer you are without a doubt. That was an incredibly powerful post, Gleds, and I literally felt what you were feeling. If one can write like that, it's a gift and I really really hope you use that gift to give the world your writings.<BR/><BR/>All the very best for 2009, my friend, and may the addictions gremlins die a horrible death and leave you alone.Puss-in-Bootshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02313418336654760327noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-87539467768588097942008-12-31T22:20:00.000+00:002008-12-31T22:20:00.000+00:00You are so honest, Gleds. As I've said before, I'...You are so honest, Gleds. As I've said before, I'm sure this blog is helping many.<BR/><BR/>Happy New Year to you. You can be all the things you want to be.Welshcakes Limoncellohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17209759237794290941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-19751058466837392752008-12-31T20:47:00.000+00:002008-12-31T20:47:00.000+00:00David has put things very succinctly Gleds. You wr...David has put things very succinctly Gleds. You write with such eloquence, such intelligence, it's so sad to see you in Emergency housing, scrimping and scraping and slave to this awful addiction. There's been a more 'positive' side to you over the past couple of weeks, in thought if not in action, even though you've remained using . . .the only way to beat this is to remove yourself from your current situation, ask for help and make the decision and that takes an enormous amount of resourcefulness and courage . . .I wish you both for the new year.Bainohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14156193098088048637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-35246867091621500732008-12-31T19:58:00.000+00:002008-12-31T19:58:00.000+00:00I do believe that awareness is the foundation for ...I do believe that awareness is the foundation for building any kind of change or moving forward.<BR/><BR/>One day the pieces will fall into place for you...I really feel that each bit of investigating you do is part of the process. Like you're open to looking at it all and that those doors are open for you. Time and patience love. Keep plodding along/trying. I have lifelong "things" that I continually try and conquer and feel defeated when I'm unsuccessful. We're not perfect, but as long as we understand that and are willing to at least look at things that might help us, we're still moving in the right direction.<BR/><BR/>It must be frustrating to read books when YOU KNOW, firsthand, what the deal is. You should write a book ;)<BR/><BR/>Keep trudging Gled. We're with you and praying that one day this demon lets go of you and you can, once again, live life the way you really want to. Feel that "beauty" without any additional "help". xoDebhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05808620628947160505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-56045836397587900252008-12-31T18:10:00.000+00:002008-12-31T18:10:00.000+00:00Wow, Gledwood. That's some powerful posting right ...Wow, Gledwood. That's some powerful posting right there. I just came by way of a comment you left me and...honestly, I did not expect to read what I just read. <BR/><BR/>I would say that the first step to resolving your problem is to admit you have a problem. But you've done that already. And the problem still exists.<BR/><BR/>I wonder...do you even want to get off the drug? Because I think, admitting is very much different than wanting to actually stop. When you admit something and put it out there in the universe, it's just a form of recognizing the metaphorical pink suede elephant in the room. But it doesn't necessarily mean you want to quit.<BR/><BR/>You talked about the harsh reality of scoring heroin; waiting out in the bitter cold, the mental anguish, the need to get it any way you could, the infectious sickness and even the loss of a liver. <BR/><BR/>But not once did you say, I want to stop. I want to stop waiting in the cold. I want to stop meeting people off the street and stop relying on the kindness of strangers. I want to stop feeling life in my veins and want to start feeling adrenaline and live life. <BR/><BR/>So, I'm just curious, do you even want to stop? <BR/><BR/>BTW...LOVE the blog! Very James Frey.David Tellezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16044641039808586792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-70324397229947575622008-12-31T17:29:00.000+00:002008-12-31T17:29:00.000+00:00A new year. The same old addiction. It would seem ...A new year. The same old addiction. It would seem this is weighing heavily on you at the moment. Is it normally worse for you at the new year or is this new year particularly difficult? I know for myself, nothing I did in 2008 worked. It's not looking any better for the new year either. At least I am not fighting addiction. Here's hoping we all catch a break and soon, but I am not going to dwell on the bad. Instead, I am going to wish you a Happy New Year Gledwood. Same goes to all who visit this blog. Happy New Year!molsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08483375097397433633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-22834201277253424532008-12-31T17:16:00.000+00:002008-12-31T17:16:00.000+00:00You seem pretty aware of how you are acting. I don...You seem pretty aware of how you are acting. I don't think you have a very obvious blind spot, or at least, nothing I've seen.<BR/><BR/>BTW, I love your blog. Even though, I think I've already said that before. = )<BR/><BR/>Happy New Year's Eve, Gledwood!Lucindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09710426634777477761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-41132497350419552422008-12-31T13:20:00.000+00:002008-12-31T13:20:00.000+00:00but I admitted that years ago! it's impossible to ...but I admitted that years ago! it's impossible to be addicted to heroin for very long without realizing it. the physical pull of it is too magnetic NOT to know...Gledwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-29991131557436624812008-12-31T13:15:00.000+00:002008-12-31T13:15:00.000+00:00Isn't the first step admitting that you are an add...Isn't the first step admitting that you are an addict? Move on from there. xAkelamaluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11234268568845148285noreply@blogger.com