tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post9015645892654388246..comments2023-11-05T12:22:53.660+00:00Comments on Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog): Voices to ChoicesGledwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-15482777130096276942011-02-11T01:26:25.618+00:002011-02-11T01:26:25.618+00:00Syd: I find NA way better than AA because at AA th...<strong>Syd:</strong> I find NA way better than AA because at AA there are people who drank WAY heavier than me, and everyone there says they couldn't just have one drink. Well I CAN have one drink. Drugs are a different matter. I was severely addicted to heroin, no question. So I'm focusing on NA.<br /><br />I know a woman I want to ask to be my Special Sponsor. Meaning she will stand by me until I can be completely substance clean ie off methadone. Then I'll get a male heroin addict to sponsor me because they do say your sponsor should be the same sex as you. But I want to keep her if she'll have me at the same time. I can't see why I shouldn't have 2 sponsors!<br /><br />I'm willing Syd but I'm unwilling to be patronized or misunderstood for very much longer.<br /><br />E.g. repeatedly being told I want to detox. If you want to see someone who's having problems as I outlined go TOTALLY FUCKING BONKERS then put me through a 10 day methadone detox.<br /><br />No fucking way am I detoxing in a house full of junkies. Nutters I can handle junkies I am sick to death of.<br /><br />Yeah I have a lot of willingness but I'm hacked off and losing my patience with BULLSHIT coming from NA members who do not know me don't know my issues and assume my issues are the same as theirs when they patently are not the same. Know what i mean sorry to rant Syd you always seem to get the ranty answers it's 1am and i'm having a Celebration Night ie not sleeping at all. Fucking waste of time sleep I'm going as long as humanly possible on none, then maybe I'll sleep like a baby when I do finally conk out!<br /><br />thanks for your support you always have something constructive to sayGledwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-17537601563102171812011-02-08T14:22:58.200+00:002011-02-08T14:22:58.200+00:00Gleds, I don't have experience with NA but hav...Gleds, I don't have experience with NA but have been to quite a few open AA meetings. I think that you are on the right path by going to meetings. Taking street pills though isn't part of the program. I hope that you will talk to some of the folks at NA, get to know them. Reach out a hand to them. Isolating, even in a meeting, is based on fear. Getting a sponsor would help you to work the steps that will lead to serenity, if you are willing.Sydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642843245634635843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-81375616339466422112011-02-07T20:37:24.398+00:002011-02-07T20:37:24.398+00:00Anon: I am incredibly sane. I know I go mental but...<strong>Anon:</strong> I am incredibly sane. I know I go mental but I'm inherently sane. I sometimes wonder what someone else would have done in the situations I ended up in re mental madness stuff. I think a lot of people would have done something really fucking stupid on a whim. I had enough whims, I wasn't together enough to follow them and I had this Inner Parent telling me not to do them!<br /><br />Yeah maybe it is something like you say. It's definitely a source of Power. Lots of Power! A Higher Power. And a very strong one!<br /><br /><strong>Kevin:</strong> I only used it to sleep. I did drink a bit on top of it but I don't want to turn into a long term benzo head. Benzos are hell to get off if you really get on them, I know it takes years but still I don't wanna play with fire. Done enough of that for one lifetime!<br /><br /><strong>Bugerlugz:</strong> I'm fed up of heroin. I was so head over heels into it it was unreal. You'd have to look hard for some of the best posts as it did go furry animals for months on end. My friends are normal people with cats and family homes probably got pissed off with endless drugs so I gave 'em more of what they wanted: HAMSTERS!!<br /><br /><strong>Akelamalu:</strong> I've had my plan for ages I just never thought I could stick to it<br /><br /><strong>Jeannie:</strong> yeah I'm not being heard it is a bit frustrating as I love NA I don't like feeling judged that I'm using when I'm not. They go on about mood swings. Surely a mood swing means UP as well as DOWN. Otherwise it's just depression. So if they DO understand mood swings they should grasp that you can feel high without fucking DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS they obsess about!<br /><br />That drugs obsession is the only thing that pees me off about NA.<br /><br /><strong>Bugerlugz:</strong> you need a dual diagnosis clinic if you have lots of issues and a psych history don't bother with normal clinics they see everything as drugs drugs drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs <br />drugs !!!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>LoneGreySquirrel:</strong> I had 2 breakdowns in 2 months they were kind of manic-depressive but mostly manic and the natural high of that just turned me off drugs even more as I felt high enough without them!<br /><br /><strong>Jams:</strong> I feel OK at this moment but I'm avoiding antipsychotics for a couple of days. I want to know if I can feel any difference, and I'm going to have to switch types and can't see the dr until about 3 weeks' timeGledwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-89046643770267163822011-02-07T20:01:25.358+00:002011-02-07T20:01:25.358+00:00It is so hard to imagine what you are going throug...It is so hard to imagine what you are going through Gled but hang on in there and you will be out of the woods soon.jams o donnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17315325008175184363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-14392386643163720182011-02-07T14:56:01.367+00:002011-02-07T14:56:01.367+00:00I don't fully understand what you are going th...I don't fully understand what you are going through, Gleds, but if this gives you a real choice to kick drug addiction, then I am in your cheerleading squad. Get clean. Yah for Gleds!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-72082201391439490612011-02-07T13:23:16.112+00:002011-02-07T13:23:16.112+00:00sorry 2 go on but can i just share something;
i tr...sorry 2 go on but can i just share something;<br />i try and be concise.<br />i have an enormous,debilitating, well established (46 yrs) phobia.<br />it is my personal hell.<br />it has and still does prevent me from doing heaps of stuff.<br />including going out of house some days.<br />it was used against me for years during childhood (do this/that or else . . )<br />i can not say the name of thisobject and dare not say what it is.<br />my mental health records at dr r over a foot high.<br />i tried (and boy did i try) to rid my life of this hell.<br />everything from exposure therapy, regression therapy, cbt,exorcism (my parents choice not mine) etc etc but not ect<br />although it was suggested.<br />a psychiatrist once told me, if u do get rid of this do u realise a whole load of other probs might arise. i.e. i was focusing all my shit(and theres plenty of it) onto the fear of this one object.<br />it is a common object, as in if i was 2 take 15 min walk 2 town i might encounter it ten times or not at all.<br />i was prepared to take risk of consequences of getting rid, but it dint happen and i still live with it.<br />its not comfortable and has almost led 2 agraphobia at its severist.i have given up seeking help with it. im afraid 2 stop gear as gear helps.<br />its not that i got no faith in head drs but there is no way they can understand what goes on in your or any other head let alone fix it. its all 2 generalised.<br />i reckon 4 me until i find a bit of peace, a bit of personal heaven,<br />the personal hell will over ride.<br />i know i wont find that with gear its just a plaster covering the wound for now.<br />i dont know how or why <br />and though they can tell me possibly how i got like this they cant stop me being like this.<br />ive not told anybody in years about this, as it can and has been used as a weapon. that truly terryfies me. i dont know how 2 let go of it.<br />a life ruled by fear of an inanimate object is not a full life.<br />but im sure there is worse . <br /><br />i hpe u feeling better today<br />xbugerlugs63https://www.blogger.com/profile/08598249255143939365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-73593034733536981232011-02-07T12:44:49.888+00:002011-02-07T12:44:49.888+00:00I think your frustration with NA is communication ...I think your frustration with NA is communication - when you try to describe your experience, the others try to put it in a form they can relate to, when in fact, it is quite different. If you try to insist, they probably think you are just trying to be a drama queen about it. But at least now you have doctors looking at your situation. Hopefully they can find something that will work for you.Jeanniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15320507412459242451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-69964259779697687802011-02-07T11:37:13.021+00:002011-02-07T11:37:13.021+00:00I have implemented Stage One: stick to Methadone. ...<i>I have implemented Stage One: stick to Methadone. Stage Two is cut down methadone. Stage Three: cut OUT methadone. Stage Four: opiate CLEAN.<br /><br />Please God, let me be Clean. It's all I want in the short term. No more drug addiction. Ever.</i><br /><br />Well you've made a start Gleds and you do seem resolute in your mission. I have everything crossed that you succeed. xAkelamaluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11234268568845148285noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-1793086867476244702011-02-07T10:31:57.409+00:002011-02-07T10:31:57.409+00:00woooooo la la,la la,la la, la la!!!
(take it u kno...woooooo la la,la la,la la, la la!!!<br />(take it u know from being in france the more la la's = the strength of feeling (whatever that feeling may be)<br />in this case . . . i dont know what the feeling is, i just feel for you.<br />i clicked on "answers" but i aint got any<br />i wish i, or someone, had something for you.<br />it may well be an awakening?<br /><br />i did cold turkey<br />about 5 years ago (relapsed cus was still ill after 5 months and didn't want 2 b)very impatient me!<br /><br />anyway my point; as i lamented my lack of sleep each morning to my wonderful brother who was helping me with kids.<br />(soz got distracted by 2 crack heads about 2 fight on jezza!)<br /><br />my bro wud say; u been asleep for 6 years!. he suggested i read book of job (not in a religious way)<br />u have probably read it as it is listed as one of your fave books.<br />(the bible i mean ,not job)<br /><br />i feel useless 2 suggest anything as i still using 3 or 4 times a week, but u seem quite hard on yourself.<br />i get that u dont want 2 be an alkie, but maybe recover from stopping th gear a bit first.<br />its early days<br />U have done real good.<br />methadone will be holding u from rattling, u know this, no-one would suggest u cut down the meth yet.<br />or even worry about 2 drinks per night.<br />or put any pressure whatsoever on yourself.<br />i dont know, i really don't.<br />i enjoy reading u. i dont read ny others as not really got time to read yours,but since i typed in heroin drought about 3 wks ago(is that all! it feels like months)<br />and found your blog, i am hooked.<br />i looked back at some old entries the other night(06/07)<br />U must appreciate how far u have come<br />i know u do, and like u say its the madness that saved u.<br />and if it was a comfortable madness im sure u would just get on with it.<br />yes u think 2 much, but if u didn't, then we wouldn't be reading what we read, and writing what we write.<br /><br />je ne sais pas. vraiment,je ne sais pas<br />comme j'ai deja dit;<br />wooooo la la, la la, la la, la LA!<br />x <br />i hope u feelin a bit better ;-<<br />(i dont need 2 tell u thats not a mardy mouth) xbugerlugs63https://www.blogger.com/profile/08598249255143939365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-77637020660435143332011-02-07T08:09:55.946+00:002011-02-07T08:09:55.946+00:00valium only works well with aclcohol it makes you ...valium only works well with aclcohol it makes you high then use to take it years ago got mirtazapine now that makes me sleep wouldnt buy stuff of street corners you never know what you are getting there was a bloke once went threw all the tablets on the nhs form places all over the place he hanged him self in the endkevin blumerhttp://www.kbos2.co.uk/wordpress/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-63991153010036358932011-02-07T08:01:33.111+00:002011-02-07T08:01:33.111+00:00Some of the advice you give is so sane that i don&...Some of the advice you give is so sane that i don't think you are mad...i also hear when you say what you're going thru is powerful and scary...maybe its a profound awakening? my mum used to meditate and she started having very intense experiences,thought she was going mad,turns out it was just her kundalini awakening....she was the loveliest sanest person i knew and an ex alcoholic.i feel embarrassed posting this up for all to see,i just thought you could see it another way...ok thats my 2ps worth.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-12897076575556188532011-02-07T06:55:21.178+00:002011-02-07T06:55:21.178+00:00Better to be crazy than on heroin.
Also it felt WA...Better to be crazy than on heroin.<br />Also it felt WAY BETTER than boring old gear. And was FREE FREE FREE.<br />I know it's not what NA mean when they talk about a Higher Power because their one "restored us to sanity" as they say. Mine did take me away from heroin and it was VERY powerful so I'm forever grateful for the distraction. It was a very entertaining distraction too!Gledwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8092261346236962635.post-13064247653390127502011-02-07T06:09:09.174+00:002011-02-07T06:09:09.174+00:00I love your blog. I read it all the time. This las...I love your blog. I read it all the time. This last post, is sad, scary, funny, intreging and much more. You are a great writer. From the bottom of my heart I hope that you will remain free from your addiction. Hugs, ToriTorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16469486624859667837noreply@blogger.com