SATURDAY A.M. - 04:52hrs.
WITH MY WINDOW AJAR - as ever - and the world lit cyan-grey, birds a-chirping, the dawn of a new day seems friendly. And not despairing ("more of the same, same for ever"). I can hear the cars at the crossroads by the big park by my local tube station. Is it the sound of tyres on road? They are swooshing straight across the far horizon of my soundscape.
The alarm clock bird, here yesterday, is silent this morning. Or gone. Or dead.
But what an irony. For what I said above "more of the same - same for ever" shall indeed be true today. And true for the forseeable future.
But this no change no change same all the same. Such sameness! So much the same for me. This era has to end...
The only query is: when?
Of course I can't answer that. If making changes to my life were as easy as all that rest assured - I'd have made them long ago. I can be lilly-livered, shrinking violet and so on; but I'm not that bad ..!
One day, when I've decided, it shall all change indeed. It will probably be difficult to communicate, to stay in touch. I may have to move quickly. Decisive action can't always be intricately planned.
But if and when it happens, be assured: it will be a "happening".
I will rock my own world ...
And then, well and truly, all around me will know that a new day truly has dawned ...
***
I'm sorry. What else can I say about that? Eeewgghhkkhhkkttpkk! I wrote that, as I said, in the very early hours. Those were my thoughts. I know More than Just Thinking is Required for a Future.
I know that.
Don't even need to say Gimme Time
I just gotta make the right enquiries and
Go Ahead ...
Know what I mean ..?
awww! birdies! & btw, yaaay, i am first :D hehe. so those were ur thoughts. good to know. sometimes mine are soooo alike. i think with ager i dont become wiser, i just degradate demote or relegate. u name it!
ReplyDeleteps. i have nominated the other five ages ago. well... yesterday morning :D
Gleds!
ReplyDeleteI WAS at Kao's blog & RUDELY STALKED u! No, not really, i somehow saw ur comment that u r going to REHAB.
I definitely support this decision.
I thought i'd let u know.
I'm ur comment box spammer! For sure!
You can do it Gled!
ReplyDeleteWatch me be a crazy codependent:
ReplyDeleteIf you go to rehab, I'll click on your ads. I have taken to clicking on the ads of blog friends, but I hesitated on yours because I don't want to help "pay" for using...
So you've been bribed by a crazy electronic codependent! Watch me save the world with Google ads!
here's to the dawning of your new day Gledwood *!*
ReplyDeleteYou express your thoughts so well Gledwood, and dead right your not 'that'bad, you have an inner strength that comes across through your words as well..
ReplyDeleteWas it T.S.Elliot who wrote 'what we call the end is often the beginning, for the end is where we start from.'
Find a facility with Web access. If there isn't one, there needs to be one. Maybe we can make that happen. Harder things have been more easily done.
ReplyDeleteWS
Hey, just though I'd check on you, it's been a while !
ReplyDeleteYour whole blog is so honest... really you deserve better than addiction. You're NOT that bad as you put it...
i know you only through your writing. i can see the strength and determination in you Gleds.
ReplyDeleteif you're gone, we'll just wait, no worries. And we'll know you're taking a step forward. Whenever and whatever...good luck.
ReplyDeleteyou're too good too just waste away and you deserve a good life. You have so much to offer. Blah, blah, blah.
:)
Gled, glad you stopped by the other day. been having a rough time and this I believe? inadvertent poetry post of yours is absolutely beautiful.
ReplyDeleteIf you go try to get word too all of us in blog world, good luck and god speed my son.
i think i put tooooo many oooo's in some toooooo's. It's one of those kinds of nights.
ReplyDeletejunky...we're pretty tricky, huh?
ReplyDeletewas it good for you?
ReplyDeleteand are we supposed to go have a cigarette now or something?
ReplyDeletebored...going to work out now.
bye gleds.
xo
I like that..."I will rock my own world". Good for you, Gleds. Take the world by the throat, give it a good shaking and see what happens.
ReplyDeleteI think that underneath it all, you are a strong person, Gleds. You will come into your own when the time is right.
Keep on keeping on.
No I've not gone away... generally you have to give weeks' notice. (For state funding.)
ReplyDeleteNo, if I'm going to rehab you'll all know in advance ... or to put it another way ... I've to sort funding first, which I have not done. So no surpise disappearances YET!
Thanxx for the msgs everyone... Edyta: yeah, birdies ROCK!
ReplyDeleteNicole: I know I can do it... if I WANTED TO enough. Know what I mean..?
Junkyswife: would you. Oh ta! Nobody bloody clicks 'em at the moment!!
Bimbi: o! thanxx!
Audrey: thanks, I'm glad I can do SOMETHING properly anyway!
ReplyDeleteWayward: yeah you're right there does have to be computers at the rehab. Tho this is considered way less of a priority than it would be e.g. in the States I'm sure
Zhu: aw, thanks darlin'! Glad someone appreciates me
Rauf: do you really think it shows in my WRITING? but writing is just words. actions speak SO MUCH LOUDER - know what i mean..?
ReplyDeleteDeb: I know that. It's chronic, innit?
Junky: I think you've been having a worse time tho, seriously. Grasping load of bastards honestly. Family. Who'd have 'em??
Debs: I have a cigarette before after and during everything I do a/nyhow!!
ReplyDeletePiB: "I think that underneath it all, you are a strong person, Gleds. You will come into your own when the time is right.
Keep on keeping on. .."
that is hopefully all true. many thanxx
I do indeed know what you mean.
ReplyDeleteIn one of my many Buddhist books, someone talked about the "monotony of life." At the time I read it, I didn't understand. Now I do.
Have a lovely day, Gled. Take care of yourself.
GGirl: thanxx! ps did you read my reply to the coming back from the brink mental comment?
ReplyDelete