THIS IS A SHORT POST. IT WAS CUT SHORT BY MY SLEEPING, PEN IN HAND. The writing trails off, spaghetti-like...
Anyhow:~
DECEPTION ALWAYS PLAYS A MASSIVE ROLE in drug addiction. When you're not showing false faces to the outside world, you are inevitably deceiving yourself. So as Libra's and my relationship went on (I wouldn't really say that it intensified or deepened, for as I said earlier, we just "clicked" right from the very start and that was that. It wasn't even "love" at first sight. It just felt like we were somehow meant to be together for the time that it lasted. I went fom "chasing" the heroin on tinfoil and occasionally snorting it to injecting it subcutaneously ("subcut") and skinpopping (intramuscular or I.M. injections). These were like the injections you get at aschool when the time comes for immunization against childhood nasties. Although Libra, with her long-term habit, looked down at this type of injecting: "It's just like deliberately giving yourself a miss!" the effects were more than twice as strong as smoking or snorting and came on in under ten minutes as a slow, extended trickle, like gradually pouring hot water into a cold bath. There was no specific occasion when I decided needles were for me. Becaus Libra was using them, these plus all their paraphernalia were left lying all over my room and cooking up was easy. So one thing crept on to another. Though I was undoubtedly getting a "habit", my first experience of coming off, remember, had been deceptively straightforward. This gave me the courage or excuse to go on using for months on end, always telling myself I was going to stop "tomorrow".
When I did try to stop ~ total cold turkey ~ I found this was nowhere near as easy as I might have hoped ...
(sorry it has to continue yet again ...)
just for today gled, don't pick up. please?
ReplyDeletesmiles, bee
i've never done heroin, but i must say you do make it sound appealing...
ReplyDeleteI don't think it sounds appealing at all, and fortunatly you are not describing my drug of choice--Tina--because it just might sound appealing: although to most it would sound disgusting. That's just the nature of addiction. I am happy however, that I do not stroll down memory lane too often, as the four years since my last drug has been filled with far happier memories.
ReplyDelete...and honesty plays a huge role in recovery.
ReplyDeleteAs the story winds down to the present, do you plan to talk about what lies ahead in the future?
Take care Gled.
TDA
Definitely not appealing, the thought of it makes my flesh crawl. As Bee says, don't pick up to day, please.
ReplyDeleteOK Empress I will try not to ....
ReplyDeleteJeremy: appealing? My job is not done then!
M-filer: I want to capture these memories now... for the sake of telling it as it is for me now.. know what I mean? BC I know for a fact how seriously memory plays tricks. And it really does trick you ....
Discovering: talk about the future? Of course I do!
Ake: as I said to Bee: I'll try. I never ever promise anything now. I'm too used to breaking 'em ...