I USED TO HAVE A FRIEND CALLED CHARLOTTE who was a real woman (far as I know or else she just bought tampons for show) and wore bright red hotpants nearly all the time. Filling out a graduate job application which required one to specify:
Sex: male, female or "other"
she appeared tipsy and cackling her head off the following evening, telling us all she had ticked the "other" box! (Good on her. Serves them right for putting it there!)
Strangely, however, she was never called in for interview...
Now I'm having my doubts about poor Baby Itchy. After more hapless rambling atop a CD case (Sarah Vaughan sqeaked so shrilly on opening that Itchy went into a kind of fight-flight-playdead shock and appeared utterly paralysed for a minute before making a jump for freedom on the carpet.)
Well I am now totally confused, I don't know about Itchy. Whether it is a he/she only time and babies will tell I'm afraid ... very confusing indeed....
OH WHAT A DRAB LIFE IT IS BEING A CAT!
There's an incredibly bushy tabby on the next road from me. Who not only rather unhelpfully (for their owners) sits on the front step telling burglars of the world "my house is empty!" (aparently where I live has the highest break-in rate for miles around... we've only got "done" once though my room was such a pigsty at the time I wouldn't know wether anyone had rifled it. I certainly had nothing worth nicking and so nothing went...)
Anyway this poor cat sits there all day long waiting forlornly for its owners to return. And if it thinks you may be someone who will come out with a saucer of milk, or if you smell of rodents (not that I do, ahem) it pirouettes round miaowing. And I started miaowing back and we took up a duet and several black girls with fancy nails looked at me as if I was a lunatic...
I WAS SWEATING SO SEVERELY THIS AFTERNOON I was more than damp... practically soggy from head to foot. I felt like a human amphibian. Took off clothes. Entire body was running like a melting glacier. Took some heroin. That stopped it. I don't know why, but opiate withdrawal causes sweating but also taking methadone makes it happen too. This is frightfully inconvenient as Ruth would believe I talk. (She was most shocked to discover I have actually 50% Worzel Gummidge turnip blood! Said she still believes to this day that I hail from an ancient aristocratic lineage. But my housemaster at Eaton told me never to admit this to any common people as they would come and break my windows. And our ancestral home has a lot of windows!
I WANTED to buy an icecream from this cybercaff but was too shy. You know when you gaze into the freezer. And when you're as fussy as me. And they have just plain flavour Cornettos and something else you don't want and no tropical fruit flavour Soleros... I've never been the type to compromise out of the politeness of being stared at in a capitalist "buy my wares or stop examining them!" fashion. I don't know why I'm telling you this.... aoh! Except I had a real scandalous experience with the local halal frankfurters. Those labelled "beef" varied so much in actual beef content... some being as low as 9% of that meat and mostly chicken. (One variety were 25% beef, 25% chicken (but labelled "beef"... what the rest of the bulk constituted I shudder to imagine. Probably dead farm animal's eyelashes and toenails picked out of the plughole after they swoosh down the corpses... Well that's what "mechanically reconstituted" meat's supposed to be made of... Ukk!
Eventually I found some 79% beef, the rest soya protein. I know frankfurters are traditionally pork but it says in the Bible you should not eat pork. And pigs are disgusting. When I was in India they had a thing called the "pig toilet"... and these pigs ate my amoebic diarrhoea. (I'm tempted to exaggerage and say they also licked you clean because Indians don't use toilet paper but you had to use a carefully aimed jug of water to perform that function.) Well whatever, nothing is going to have me eating a dead whiskery, grunting swine. Ugh!
Can I ask you a question because there are never cooking instructions on these things. Do you need to cook frankfurters? Or are they "ready to eat hot or cold" type of things? I honestly have no idea I've just been boiling them up as much as I can then dropping into baked beans and hoping for the best...
Well I've totally lost my thread so I'd better go. Got to get back: I'm spring cleaning. I mean Autumn cleaning.
The abscess is going down btw... I'd had it for days and days when I finally realized what it was (I mean, I noticed it hurt but thought it was just a "lump" (that happened to be bright red. Yes I know I can be quite thick. No wonder I have been feeling ill and sleeping over 12 hours a day!
Right better go!!
***
Today's Songs:
Mika: Relax, Take it Easy
Then 4 versions of "Somewhere"!
1. Il Divo ft Leona for Simon Cowell's "This is Your Life" episode.
2. Pet Shop Boys
3. Barbra Streisand
4. original clip from movie: West Side Story
Hello,
ReplyDeletethis is my first visit and I can say that your blog looks interesting.
You seem very intelligent, this is the most attractive feature I find in people.
And...for now,
be well!
I'll be around.
Hi, Gleds. I hope I'm not too late but for god's sake COOK THE FRANKFURTERS!! Do keep your videos on the main posts and full-size, otherwise I'd miss them at my age! Love the "tampons" aside. I know just how you feel about no tropical fruit soleros! Sorry you had to take some stuff. When were you in India?
ReplyDeleteThanks CALISTA. Just out of nosey interest: where did you find my blog by the way?
ReplyDeleteWELSHCAKES: I'm glad you told me that seriously there is NO COOKERY INFO AT ALL on ANY of the packets (and I can't buy supermarkets' ones as they're all pork, I grew up not eating pork at all so I just can't stomach it)...
talking about stomaching things... maybe that is ONE thing that has made me ill in the past... I never realized you had to cook them properly through like normal sausages, I'd always thought they were somehow precooked because they look almost the same before and after boiling/microwaving... I'm glad you told me...
(it was only this nagging intuitive doubt that got me to ASK the question!!)
In India I went to Goa and Madras which is now called Chennai. Also Bangalore for about an hour.
Be wary of the begging cat routine, if he catches you alone he may drag you inside the vacant house and feast upon your eyeballs. Then again, he may just want a saucer of milk.
ReplyDeleteEither way, cats have a way of latching onto you.
Gledwood, I read your comment @mat's blog and it appeared to be engaging. Then I read your profile and ended up here:)
ReplyDeleteGlad to meetU!
If the Frankfurters are in a jar or can filled with brine then there is no need to cook them, you can eat them hot or cold. If it's another sort, I'd cook them.
ReplyDeleteI've still got a cold and our router broke down last night so I'm online via Vincent's old laptop. I also have to go to the notary office today as we are signing for the sale of our apartment. My head still feels like I'm floating through space. That will be an interesting appointment.
Hi Gleds
ReplyDeleteRecently you said you were cutting down on the drugs. How are you getting on? Any exercise whatsoever makes me pour with perspiration because of the anti depressants I am on, so I sympathise. Just change your clothes and dry off when this happens. I say this because I didn't always and got a skin infection. I don't want you to get this when your system is probably low due to the drugs.
all the best
sad xxx
DISCOVERING: human-eating cats; that's what I secretly suspected all along!
ReplyDeleteCALISTA: oh! See I get around like a dose of the pox!!
NICOLE: they were in the plastic packaging that's got a bit of brine in it... that's what gave me the impression (don't know why) that they were cooked...
Anyway I now boil them very thoroughly just in case!
If you feel like you're flying away, just bring something to anchor you down. Something heavy. Like a bag of boltcutters, pliers and other metal tools, perhaps. And put it across your feet to make sure your hair doesn't brush against the ceiling as you speak...
That always happens to me
(in dreams!!)
SADGIRL: oh it's not going as well as I had hoped I don't know WHAT i'm going to do i'm glad you're feeling a bit better. i NEVER used to sweat before these drugs, except when I was really ill with flue type virus. interestingly these viruses always sparked off in me huge moodswings so i had a nervous breakdown followed by a few days of rather pleasant high. all WITHOUT drugs-taking!!
As Nicole said, the hot dogs are precooked and fine to eat right out of the package. I do. Cooking them just makes them seem more like food instead of a snack. hehe
ReplyDeleteI had a similar fear of tuna when I was a kid. I loved tuna sandwiches and the first time I made my own, someone asked me if I cooked the tuna first. Even after they said they were kidding, I had a problem eating it for a while.
hmmmm tuna i've seen raw; looks like a dodgy fish to me
ReplyDeleteto red, too meaty, know what i mean?
i eat sardines now instead