NOT TODAY, YOU UNDERSTAND; BUT ON THURSDAY. I was so bored bored bored I had been forgotten by the dealer so I drank drank drank between wending my way back and forth to the phonebox to complain about the time this was taking. Passed out on the hall stairs ~ Laundretta-style ~ for two hours slumped over the Sun newspaper. It was all a mixup between the bossman who answers the phone and the gofer who actually delivers and my brains were done in. Well they were after all that cyder I pickled them in. This all happened between one and four-thirty in the afternoon but I was still unsteady on my feet at nine pm... and to think I'm supposedly stopping drinking!
I'm going back to Cup-a-Soup and tea again, definitely. In fact I was so repentant that at 5am instead of getting alcohol from the cornershop I got Yazoo chocolate shake... I so often stare at that and the Coca Cola longingly as I trot to the tills with my boring beers. I don't actually like the taste of cyder that much you see... well whatever. Being breathalysed (by the drugs clinic) really does not help. Because they're treating me like a child (I know most children don't drink... but you see what I mean...)
When I briefly did psychology some years ago I came across a thing called intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is something like my teadrinking technique. Ie I'm cutting out booze because I really want to and have motivated myself. Extrinsic motivation is something like the clinic putting threats on me. And that sort of motivation really doesn't work on me.
The only funny thing I did after all that drinking was to take my hamsters for a ramble in the (dry) bath and they were especially pingy. Zipping all over the place in true furry Scalectrix fashion! Though I know I mentioned this yesterday...
Righto: it's dark and it's here already so have a cheery weekend folks!
Gxx
Tune of the Day
Madonna: Live to Tell
Well I'm wishing you plenty of intrinsic motivation Gleds. You might want to swap the Sun newspaper too if it's having you slumping like Laundretta over it's breaking news ;)
ReplyDeleteWell I'm wishing you plenty of intrinsic motivation Gleds. You might want to swap the Sun newspaper too if it's having you slumping like Laundretta over it's breaking news ;)
ReplyDeleteOh for God's sake! All that drinking son! I'd be soooooooo sick to mee stomach by now! Yes, please keep the intrinsic side on at all times. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteGreat Madge tune by the way, Live to Tell. A #1 hit for her here in the States.
Intrinsic motivation is difficult to maintain sometimes, despite wanting to achieve a goal. Perhaps the purpose of extrinsic motivation is to help you over the times when your faith in yourself waivers ... I hope you can keep your faith through your journey towards your new life. There seems to be a large cheering section for you here!!
ReplyDeleteBoy boy... you're smart and you seem to know yourself pretty well - and you know drinking that much won't do any good, don't ya ?!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I won't moralize you... ;)
I remember that lecture many years ago when I had a brief foray into psychology, too, Gleds. Extrinsic motivation...read threats...cause me to dig my toes in...as it does most people, I suspect.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Cup-a-Soup sounds nice, especially if the weather is getting colder. However, I guess it's what it takes, isn't it, Gleds
Take care and I wish you plenty of intrinsic motivation.
Oh, poor Gleds! At least the hammies had fun! How are you today?
ReplyDeleteWhat, you still use a phonebox? I didn't think those things existed anymore!
ReplyDeleteYou know you're not doing yourself any good Gleds, I do wish you'd stop. I worry about you.
ReplyDeleteDon't think extrinsic would work for me either. I hate being TOLD what to do.
ReplyDeleteRx
Oh poor Gleds
ReplyDeleteAll that booze. Do you think part of the problem is boredom? Are there any free things to do in your part of London? You have talked quite a bit about literature, do you read much still? I know there are no easy answers though. Just do your best day by day. Don't give up on life you are young.
all the best
I heard alcohol deteriorates brain cells so be careful.
ReplyDeleteIm with the intrinsic motivation Gleds, I know extrinsic wouldnt work for me either. I did do a motivational interviewing course some time ago that went throught the stages of change, by the sounds of it youve reached the most difficult stage, you recognise the problem and the impact on your life, but finding the support you need perhaps to facilitate the change you desire is not yet in front of you, but Im right behind you, willing for it to come...Hope your feeling better and yes stop reading the sun its bad for your health...lol Auds x
ReplyDeleteBimbimbie: intrinsic is good as I'm glad you realize... I only slumped due to exdesses of the old alcoholismus!!!
ReplyDeleteWat: I know that Live to Tell is one of Madge's all time GREATEST tunes... that's why I saved it till now!! haha ;->...
Kahshe: ;->... aw thankyou so very much for those kindly words of support! Many thnaxxx!!
Zhu: Sometimes I know myself TOO WELL other times I BARELY KNOW MYSELF AT ALL!!!
;->...
Pussinboots: You are damn right about digging your toes in I'm glad I'm not the only one. I would rather KILL MY ****ING SELF THAN COMPROMISE LIKE A SAPPY TWATT THEY WANT ME TO BE!!!
ReplyDeleteWelshcakes: They did have fun... I've not told you the latest greatest scandals though hahaha!!! ;->...
Vivi: I did until TODAY! When I FINALLY got a MOBILE PHONE hahaahaaahargh harrgh haaaargh hhaarararghhkkkkkccchchh!!!
;->...
Akelamalu: Thank you I'm glad someone cares... thank you so much
Ruth: good me neither I'm 100% with yuu I will die be4 being emotionally bein' black mailed by those ****s!
ReplyDeleteLostgirl:: Darling I hardly read THAT much at all... so sorry... I really wish i did it is so VULGAR not to tho... proper proportionally vulgaridades de vulgaridades... POIOSN - THEY OUHT TO HAVE REPROMENDAS !!!
Ropi: i KNOW i'M AS CAZREFUL AS CAN CBE!
Audrey:... that's a v thoughtful comment... many thanxx 4it... ;->...
HI!!!
ReplyDeleteI saw your comment in my blog, and Thank you for taking your time to see my photos and give me your opinion!!
I like your blog.
I´ll hope you like my new photos
:)
Mirella
About the motivation thing...i agree...if i really want to do something or quit something i will but others trying to force me or what not does not work! It was exactly like that when I quit drinking...people tried to get me to stop and I didn't until I was ready and I wanted to
ReplyDeleteBruxia: you're welcome I left a message at yours....
ReplyDeleteGxx
Naomi: I'm glad you're back... I can't see you as THAT heavy a drinker... ooower... well I'm glad you stopped to your own satisfaction, know what I mean...?
Evil Spock has returned. You can stop drinking now.
ReplyDeletewishing you much intrinsic motivation and a great weekend :)
ReplyDeleteThis is an exert from katarina's (sleepymaniac) ex-boyfriend's book. He was in your situation (well as close as you can get)...
ReplyDelete"I lay on my bed and quietly murdered the day. In the back of my mind was the dim awareness that outside life went on - people falling in love, being born, getting married and dying. Planes landing and taking off, traffic lights turning green, orange and red, oceans ebbing and flowing, sunset and sunrise, full moons and eclipses; the timeless dance went on and on and on as I lay there, out of it but somehow part of it, all in a skag-like synchronicity."
Does it ring a bell? Dude, I hope you can work this thing out. You seem to be bright with loads to offer - I don't know you at all but it seems like such a waste....
-Eileen
I'm worried the possibility of aspirating vomit. I worry about that happening to my step son, too. Please be careful.
ReplyDelete