"HUMAN FLESH IS REALLY SWEET," said the Brazillian tillgirl to the Turkish one (in plain English at my local cornershop, which is such a novelty for round here - believe!) I said: "ugh! human flesh is supposed to taste like pork" - which put the Turkish girl off (not halal, darling) though the Brazilian was licking her lips!!
... such is the bizarre talk at my local shop...
I did see my Mummy yesterday!
Tutankhamun will have to wait till the new year. It is totally booked out. Instead we went to the Tate Britain gallery on Millbank (the one with the Victorian paintings, not the Tate Modern. That is the one with the famous crack in the floor...)
We had a 2-hour dinner in a really posh restaurant. I felt really out of place. Imagine if someone spread diarrhoea on your face and transformed your hair into old flannels. Then gave you a few distinctly visible boils for good measure. Well that's about how comfortable I felt in there. It was the sort of place where meat isn't covered in gravy but a sticky sauce that somehow rolls to geometrical limits on the plate... even the carrots were sticky (but no black bits like the carrots I buy!) The Brussels sprouts had roasted conkers in them (chestnuts if you want to be posh). To be honest I thought they were fried up walnuts but what do I know..?
We went round 2 exhibitions and never once round the main gallery.
Exhibition one was called "Turner Prize - blah years of the bull**** prize and runners up."
(The Turner Prize has nothing at all to do with the great myopic painter Turner except that it is named after him. It is a current prize, awarded every year (usually on Channel 4) since the early 80s...)
Literally nothing impressed us in all innumerable rooms of this.
E.g. a 2x1 metre nugget shaped pan of iron with evaporated seasalt or something on top. Not good.
A man bending over with bum on display at various angles. (About 4 of him.) He was made of iron. I only marvelled that they managed to attach him 20 ft high without bringing the roof down..
A room with a light coming on and off at about 3 degrees of illumination. I vaguely remembered this one from bbc2 circa 2000. The gallery called it "robust". I pointed out to my Mum it was like her flickery old kitchen light when I used to come visiting alternate weekends aged 12. This caused her to laugh her head off - right within the sterility of the gallery! (My interpretation.)
Damien Hurst's formaldehyde cows were in there.
These were the highpoint of the exhibition.
Not just because they're pickled cows.
But because they're in two tanks with a humanly-spaced walkthrough. Then the cow is sheared in half (2 cows, adult for adults and baby for young children)... you can see the spine, guts, kidneys, everything.
I profoundly disagree that this is "not art". It was beautiful. The art of God Almighty. And really fascinating. Far more so than the warped bits of iron on the floors and coloured dots that decorated the rest of this exhibition!
At many points we honestly couldn't tell what was e.g. a pile of leaflets of a "work of art"...
To be quite frank everybody I eyed got tired of this.
Then we went into the David Hockney Turner exhibition. What Hockney the acid-bright oilpainter had to do with Turner the misty watercolourist I have no idea. Except his quotes all over the high walls. My Mum's husband Brian said about 4 times that one particular Turner (one of smugglers rowing to shore off Folkestone coast) meant more to him than the entire bull****ting Turner Prize exhibition!
And outside to cigarettes (for me) and the MI6 building (Britain's counterintelligence bombproof network nervecentre thing) why on EARTH they chose such an ostentatious building for such a cruical part of our intelligence gathering "network" I shall never know.
What I will note was the million pound loking yuppie flats right opposite in repetitious style and colouring (click the above MI6 link to get an idea.) Christmas trees and HD widescreen tellies glinted through the multimillion pound glass making me feel even colder and more streetbound than I actually was...
Itchy escaped 2 nights ago! And to cut a story short I found her within the hour rambling under my giant electric fan. Flashing white belly as she went... Then I threw various towels and teatowels at her yet she still managed to elude them. Then I happened to glance in the robotank (which was just round the corner) only to see a pigchain of three robos gliding into the biggest night tube... I slightly impatiently tipped these out to see that - yes! - miraculously all three hamsters were back home. HOW ON EARTH Itchy who is 2" long max managed to jump a 10" high glass wall I shall never figure out... but that's what seemed to happen..!
Also I cleaned them out thoroughly today. As Evilstein's threatening to henchman round tomorrow morning...
(old *******).
Right I gotta go now...
... and how was YOUR weekend?
*
Videos of the Day
Queen of the Night Aria:
Boy Treble Version
Elena Mosuc Female Coloratura Soprano Version...
***
Amazing Malaysian Thumb-Mountain Trek!
http://guynextdoor84.blogspot.com
Great Spanish-speaking travels... I'd love to go rambling in a campervan like that..!
http://brujulavic.blogspot.com
Amazing Pink Floyd The Wall -like Art Things
http://underwatterlove.blogspot.com
Rebecca Art Dog Blog
These modern art cats are Warholesque... also remind me of the Gilbert and George who took up by far the best wall of the modernest art in the Tate exhibition yesterday..!
http://underwatterlove.blogspot.com
Limited for time Gleds so just a quick comment, found what I was looking for YES!!!! Itchy is back...so happy to read that...and that you gave her a good scolding for her disappearing act..lol. Glad your feeling better too. Back soon x Auds
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThat was me deleting there... due to ridiculous spelling mistakes..!
ReplyDeleteHi Auds...
.. yes Itchy did go missing TWICE.
1st time for 24 hours, more recently for 1, 2 hours... then eventually (I've no idea how...) ... jumped back into her tank ie a near 70ft/14metres high over-the-wall leap back into her enclosure... I've NEVER seen anything quite like that... utterly REMARKABLE!!!
;->...
:->...
;¬+...
..................yes!
I think itchy is on the escape committee!
ReplyDeleteWhat a shame you couldn't get in to see King Tut yet. I'm dying to hear all about that!.
Wait a minute Gled we might drug screen for jobs, but you are on camera damn near all the time on the street :)
ReplyDeletewe are at war with East Asia, we have always been at war with East Asia...
Akelamalu: I'm still going to King Tut! We just have to book in advance more ahead. For next time!!
ReplyDeleteItchy on escape cttee... she's a SWINE whatever she is... a tunky junky JUMPY ole TELETUBBY SWINE!¬!!!
Junky: we get prejobs drugscreening here as well. It's just not that common. Possibly a breach of European Constitution on Human Rights Right for Privacy...(??)
Always at war... I know... I just don't get "illegal combattants"... that is just called "making the law an arse" which Americans are even better at doing than us Brits ~ which is most certainly saying something~::~har HAR!!
Thannxx 4 getting back in touch ha-hAARGH!!"!
Gleds,
ReplyDeleteI'd like to be a fly on the wall at that local shop - but I guess I wouldn't last too long. If they eat human flesh, they would surely eat my fy flesh. Ha ha.
It felt like I was at the museum with you. The MI6 building sounds interesting. Is it like that building Prince Charles called a carbuncle?
okay, I'm not an expert not being form this country, but I'm told conkers and chestnuts are NOT the same thing! And you call your self a food expert! ;P
ReplyDeleteThat Itchy is a regular escape artist, isn't he/she?
ReplyDeleteI love your description of your visit to the Museum of Modern Art...very original and straight to the point.
Have a good weeks, Gleds.
We saw Tut earlier this year (valentine gift from hubby) in Philly before it came your way. It was fabulous! Hope you do get to see it in the New Year. It's on my blog... Egyptian Splendor.. King Tut.
ReplyDeleteso glad you got to spend a day with Mum.
ReplyDeleteI hate fancy places...I feel very uncomfortable in them too. Your description's about right.
That Itchy...what an adventurer he is. I'd like to read HIS memoirs.
You Hampster sounds like it should be named Hudinii.
ReplyDeleteHi Gleds ~~ I hope you enjoyed seeing your Mother, even at that posh restaurant ~ bad choice. Something simpler would have been more comfortable. Itchy is getting to be a problem and one day probably won't make it back. It was a coincidence you asking your Mum how to spell like
ReplyDeletethe boy in my story, and then you see her. BTW your spelling is pretty good now. Take care, and look after yourself. Regards, Merle.
Alexys: Prince Charles has called a lot of buildings carbunkles!
ReplyDeleteActually isn't a carbuncle a precious stone? As well as being a pustulating multi-headed boil?!?
Vi Vi: no you're quite right
Pussinboots: too bloody quick for her own good. (She's a she. I tried to sex her and thought she was a boy once but no definitely all 3 are girls. How on earth someone managed to keep them still enough to tell I'll never fathom...)
Crystalchick: yeah I'd really like to see King Tut's marvels!!
ReplyDeleteDebs: the memoirs of Itchy... dread to think what they'd say about me ...
Janice: as I say she is TOO FAST
Merle: thanks... but did you know when I first had to learn reading/writing at primary school I had shocking difficulties with English spelling. I couldn't get my head round how a word pronounced "hed" could be spelt "head" and that be called sensible!
So much to read .... I've missed a few days!! Your description of the horrid posh restaurant brought to mind that wonderful scene from French/Saunders "Abfab" show where some snooty gal at an art studio gets told to drop her attitude darling - your just a glorified shop assistant *!*
ReplyDeleteYeah I remember that.
ReplyDeleteThe restaurant wasn't horrible at all I just FELT horrible I really felt everyone was staring at me in there!
I don't get modern art on the whole. I try to and some of it is quite pretty - but that's my problem - I want it to be pretty! I haven't seen the cows and don't know if I'd like them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you entirely about modern art. I don't mind kind of shadowy figures representing people in shades of blue. Or psychedelically bright autumn trees... that type of thing. But just panes full of evenly spaced dots. Not really. The cows: I don't think you'd really like. Though because each one is sawn in half (hence in two evenly spaced tanks with a walkthrough) seeing the spine and organs is fascinating. Also the fact that the calf's brain was no smaller than the adult cow's (who was nearly 6ft tall)... pretty scarey!!
ReplyDelete