AT LONG LAST I've formulated another plan. Found an opening. That might get me a little more attention. But I cannot post my plans half-baked or actions undone. Just to let you know I am live and thinking...Still I am feeling depressed. Every time I stop and have nothing imminent to happen or to do, I'm left feeling the great black hole inside forcing its gravitational force against my extremities... sucking me up... imagine I'm wailing into the reverbational echoes of hyperspace now as I yell: aaarrrrggghhhh!!!
And still I don't feel I'm sleeping long enough or properly. Still that light dazzling the brain behind the eyes and blinding me to whatever rich tapestries the world has woven round me...
Well that's what little me is supposed to say. I'm not supposed to say my world is bleak and harrowing because I've made it that way. I'm meant to see merely a dazzling multiplicity of eventualities that I might make my own through consistent striving...
As if!
VIDEO:
Record-breaker. These are highlights of Britain's highest-ever rated soap episode, Christmas 1986 and an audience of 30.15 million... as I said that's over half the nation so imagine 150 million + watching Stateside and you have some grasp of this tellyshow's magnitude at it's very peak...
EastEnders ~ a telly prog that in its heyday attracted a massive following both male and female from across the nation. You couldn't score drugs when it was on. Probably could now because many many folks, including me, have dropped it from their "must watch" and now merely catch it while they can...
If you're unfamiliar with the drama, the episdoe has been pared down to just the central characters: Den and Angie Watts, landlord and lady of the Queen Vic boozer and their daughter Sharon. In a desperate effort to save their long-failing marriage, boozing and Valium-popping Angie has lied to Dennis that she has "only 6 months to live"... unluckily he overheard her confessing this to a stranger on a train...
Now the do-dos are about to hit the fan:~
(... and in the very last scene we see Pauline Fowler, spotting her dreary daughter Michelle (never liked her) conversing with Den and Den handing her money... now Pauline realizes at long last who actually IS mysteriously absent Daddy to her granddaughter...)
*
Photoblog:
Me and My Puppies: Life Through A Lens
Blog:
My Journey Through Life (Malaysia)
I think alot of people can relate to the way that you are feeling. Sorry to hear that you are down at the moment. The only way that I was ever able to overcome severe depression was to stop beating myself over the head with the guilt stick. You have made some choices that you simply can't undo, it doesn't mean that you are bound to them. I don't presume to know what a drugs addiction is like to contend with, so please don't take this the wrong way. Take care.
ReplyDeleteYou know that sleeping a lot is a symptom of depression don't you honey? Have you been to the docs? If not perhaps you should think about it.x
ReplyDeleteI have not heard of that television show before now. I myself only just heard of and purchased all 3 seasons of BOTTOM. Now THAT is some funny shite! I love the Britt humour!
ReplyDeleteI have not heard of that television show before now. I myself only just heard of and purchased all 3 seasons of BOTTOM. Now THAT is some funny shite! I love the Britt humour!
ReplyDeleteEastenders and Coronation Street was shown on free tv here for a while in the 80's. Not sure if they are on pay tv now? But I found Eastenders a wee bit gloomy.
ReplyDeleteJust a thought, but when I feel anxious about anything it always seems heightened with the dark of the moon. It's at that phase at the moment. And I'm sure I heard about some research into moonlight and how it's just as important to our well being (if not more?) than sunlight *!*
Hey, you put the clips -below- the story now. I like! :-)
ReplyDelete@ Jim: Bottom is fantastic. Most of Rick Mayal's stuff is though.
I agree. Many more people than you imagine can understand how you are feeling, Gleds. You are NOT as alone as you think. Love from Sicily xx
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way sometimes when there isn't anything I feel like I have to do. Those are the times it's easy for me to slip under the covers.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'll look forward to reading about this plan of your as it unfolds or begins to get traction...which ever comes first.
ReplyDeleteHi Gleds ~~ I nver watched Baywatch, or East-Enders, did see some CoroEation Street many many years ago. Can you make yourself unpack one box or half of it and then do the same the next time you have some energy. A little at a time and it soon gets done. and you do feel so much better by achieving something. Some jobs seem too big, but by doing a little at a time, it's not so bad. It's the getting started that is hard. Take care of
ReplyDeleteyourself, are you eating OK?
Very best wishes, Merle.
Hope you feel better Gleds. Down is an awful state to feel.
ReplyDeleteAs for that woman you were asking about and what she may hve meant...I haven`t the slightest idea. She sounds a bit "one brick short" somehow LOL
tea
xo
Hi Gleds, Sorry to hear your feeling so down and depressed, you must seek help from a Doctor,
ReplyDeleteBut please get up do a little cleaning, unpacking a box or go for a walk every day.It helps to achieve something everyday..
Eileen: I hear what you're saying. That guilt stick is pretty intrinsic to the depressed state. Which is no excuse to stop hitting self on head with it :->...
ReplyDeleteAkelamalu: yeah maybe I SHOULD go I've not been to my gp for over 2 yrs in fact cannot remember when I last DID go...
Jim: Bottom that finished ages ago it is very ... actually that I would say is an outgrowth of the pantomime/music-hall stage tradition. Big difference between British and American comedy and drama even British derives far more from the stage, American (TV) looks to the movies for its cues
Bimbimbie: o I can find out what channel for you it was on the EastEnders wikipedia link let me clickit...
:
ReplyDeleteBimbimbie: EastEnders is on UKTV in Australia the link is:~
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UK.TV
Vincent: yeah even I got fed up of fighting through 10 decades worth of mamas and papas vids haha
Welshcakes: cheers, i hope they do
Carver: thing is i keep trying to conjure new things up. usually they turn into doggie-doings...
MFiler: only reason I can't say is that if I publish before putting it to someone then they read my blog it will be really cart b4 horse...
ReplyDeleteMerle: I'm eating OK because I bought stuffed pasta and frozen fish in sauce... I had to actually clear up my mess from boxes all over the place then I can start unpacking I have 3 enormous suitcases to put stuff into that are presently empty and making the place look extremely cluttered when actually it's not QUITE so cluttered....
TeaMargaritas: one brick short of a brick shithouse? or of what haha. I'm one skewer short of a BBQ.... could do with a nice smokey bbq actually...
Jan: VERY slowly the room's getting done though I realized it's not really getting much improved any quicker than its getting dirty so i better put some more welly in it. really better had go dr. as not been in AGES and need to go. being drug clinic customer confuses this all
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