NO I HAVEN'T LITERALLY GOT NITS OR ANYTHING... (not this year. Though I did catch them REPEATEDLY several years ago from the local bedredlocked, caravan-dwelling tattooed and pierced "new age travelling" "crusties".... They might even have been body lice then, only I washed my clothes far to frequently (like every single DAY!! ever to find out...)NO I AM MISERABLE. Because I HATE METHADONE. Spent all day experiencing flashes of fever. It was a horribly clammy day but most of the time I felt like I was outside in thickest fog in shirtsleeves. When actually I was indoors with the heater on full blast. Then suddenly I'd break into the most perverse overheated sweats, so bad I had to strip off nearly naked. Then I was freezing again...
I'd done well over 100mg of methadone which is supposedly more than enough. Until I found an extra 20mg in the back of my fridge I thought I was going to go nuts...
Now suddenly the weather, from being so unbearably horrible I couldn't face going outside, feels remarkably clement. And all because of this magic methadone inside me...
My keys are NOWHERE to be found. Yes I've checked fridge, freezer, toilet, shower, behind, inside everything including shoes, clothes everything (as I said they were deliberately bulked out to MAKE THEM EASY TO FIND... yet to no avail...) I don't have spares as the landlord insists on frequently changing the locks. Which is a good thing really. But not in a situation like this.
No I am NOT IN A GOOD MOOD TODAY. The junkie life is one coated in Teflon. There's so little to hang on to, the drugs become everything.
Being on heroin is like being a poor man shut out in the rain gazing longingly in to a posh restaurant. All that separates you is one thin plate glass. And yet that glass is everything. As soon as you take the heroin you're on the other side of that window and so smug you feel you'll never be rained on again (though you know it you can barely ever feel it)... and so it goes on.
Oh roll on tomorrow. I really want to get some gear.
THESE ARE MY 2 FAVOURITE BOND THEMES
~ From Russia with Love (film intro without vocal)
~ From Russia with Love (stills montage with vocal)
~ Goldfinger (film intro with vocal)
C'mon Gleds, nobody said it would be easy. Keep with the program, we're all rooting for you. I empathise with the hot flushes! Only there's nothing in the back of my fridge to keep me sane. Please try and stick with it. Hope your keys turn up, they usually do, when you least expect it.
ReplyDeleteI used to get hot flushes, but my doctor gave me some hormone tablets. Fixed the flushes...however, somehow I don't think it would work in your case. You've been very down lately, Gleds. Not like your usual sharp self at all...
ReplyDeleteKeep on, it will get better as long as you keep with it...
Methadone is supposedly more addictive than heroin.
ReplyDeleteThere are some concerns over its use as a substitute to wean people off heroin.
It also causes more fatalities than heroin, proportonally.
Don't give up Gleds, keep with it you have a chance to break the habit. I'm rooting for you and sending Reiki to your situation. x
ReplyDeleteGleds, your cheering squad is coming out in full force to encourage you to stay the course! It's good you can tell us how you are feeling especially when you feel down. Use the positive thoughts and energy coming your way and you will get through this day too. Those darn keys have got to be somewhere!
ReplyDeleteHang in there gleds...it WILL pass (eventually).
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your keys...like you need THAT right now, huh? You know what will happen, right?....when you give up looking you'll find them right in front of you.
That's a very good description of heroin use...I can feel what it must feel like through reading that.
Be strong my friend.
hope you held on to the day.
ReplyDeletehot sweats are just bloody vile, I get them as a side effect of my drugs to,I also get endless thrush!! price for keeping cancer away I guess.
hang in there in time it will get better so iam told..... do it for yourself you deserve better x
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to be strong. Thanks folks
ReplyDeleteCrusties are international apparently, because we have them here too. Usually they're homeless punks, or they're nature loving punks. You see them a lot out in Tompkins Square Park.
ReplyDeleteI'm sharing your shitty mood all the way across the pond. = )