Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Am I Alive? Am I For Real?


OR AM I A SPAMMING AUTOMATON? That's what Blogger appear to believe about me...?!? For real! Their message said:

This blog has been locked due to possible Blogger Terms of Service violations. You may not publish new posts until your blog is reviewed and unlocked.

This blog will be deleted within 20 days unless you request a review.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone know what's happening?

I buy time weekly at an internet caff, in blocks e.g. of 10 hours. When I know time's running down I prepost for the weekend, hence my "meme" Furry Friday on Saturday which recently has always been preposted. I dig around for interesting "tid"bits in advance. Yesterday's "rainbows" theme was along similar lines but evidently too much for Blogger, who closed down my blog with the above message and refused to publish until I'd clicked terms of service and review.

It's weird this happens just as life hits another turning point signposted, you might say, with bleak warnings in ancient Middle-Earthy Hobbitron tongues: "ROCK BOTTOM". So aye; yer not wrong there...

SOPHIE ELLIS BEXTOR
Murder on the Dancefloor
Luuurve the English accent ...



MIKA
Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)
The tune thing on this is really funky...

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16 comments:

Syd said...

It could have been the size of the post with the photos. Not sure as I've not run into that one. the following thing seems to be hit and miss with mostly misses. Hope that you are able to stay "real".

23 March 2009 at 17:56
Baino said...

Very strange. Maybe a random security check? Hope you were reviewed and deemed OK?

23 March 2009 at 18:46
Akelamalu said...

I've never experienced that thank goodness but on Saturday blogger wouldn't let me comment anywhere for a couple of hours saying I was a robot! WTF is all that about???

23 March 2009 at 19:20
Reeny's Ramblin' said...

I can vouch for the fact that you aren't spam ;)

23 March 2009 at 19:44
David Tellez said...

Okay, that's kinda scary. Wow. I've never experienced anything like that and I hope not too. I couldn't imagine life without blogs. Especially your blog. But if you do somehow get blocked, keep me in touch, I wanna know what's going on!

23 March 2009 at 20:34
Jeannie said...

I think I've heard of others having the problem but can't say that I have.

23 March 2009 at 20:34
none said...

Sometimes someone with an axe to grind will report a blog for terms of service violations or for spamming.

23 March 2009 at 21:28
Crushed said...

You're lucky, I didn't even get that box, just the first bit...

Still, it didn't keep me down :)

23 March 2009 at 23:04
Lou said...

I thought that was for objectionable content--too much profanity (how much is too much??) or drug stuff. I don't think your blog would quality, unless they have a filter that picked up "heroin".
Hope they don't banish you to a deserted island!

23 March 2009 at 23:36
kellylebelly said...

hey Gleds,

hope they're not censoring you like they did Naomi.

I'll be really pissed off if they are.

xK

24 March 2009 at 10:34
Gledwood said...

I don't understand how a blog with 54 followers can possibly be spam.

I think it must have something to do with my posting Away Weekends posts full of pictures. But surely they could look at other parameters, e.g. that I FOLLOW about 100 blogs and blah blah I don't get it...

Kelly: Who censored Naomi? Blogger or Junkylife?

24 March 2009 at 10:44
kellylebelly said...

Kelly: Who censored Naomi? Blogger or Junkylife?
------------------------------------
I don't know. I thought she said her Junkylife site was taken down and it was cos of the content and you said something about having blogs vigilated by someone???!!??

Maybe I misunderstood
;->
xK

24 March 2009 at 13:19
Gledwood said...

I think Junkylife has ceased to exist. I had just assumed the person who oversaw it didn't want to do it anymore....

24 March 2009 at 20:55
Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Whatever are blogger on about? Crushed should be able to advise you if it does happen. I feel like you do about my own blog, btw. MEanwhile, have you done a back-up?

27 March 2009 at 21:59
Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

i bet they have some filter to check for evil drug references or something. i read your most recent posts, and it sounds like all is well, but probably some security-bot made them review it. so fucking lame.

31 March 2009 at 01:19
WAT said...

I do love me some MIKA!

YEEHA!

6 April 2009 at 17:35

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood