RIGHT, SO I FINALLY had this nutnut test. I was in there an hour and a half and STILL no conclusion. The operative who took it (not a dr. I hasten to add) congregated questions round moods, thought process and childhood trauma. I googled the key words and the horror of dissociative identity saddo syndrome came up. Yes, I admit I do (sometimes, under stress especially) hear thoughts from other sides of my head filtering through, like a radio in the brain. No I was not sexually abused (which seemed to be the crux suspicion). Another dissociative thing that happens to me is, I can convince myself that anything, no matter how patently real it is, is not happening to ME. So all in all I went home feeling paranoid that the Operative was playing mind-games and laughing behind my back at my sad failure to even be a coherent person, let alone live one even mediocrely happy life. AND THAT'S THAT.To add insult to confusion, in the midst of all this my New Drugs Worker (remember I said I thought she was working for her own ego and not for me) burst into the room three times in a row, demanding (the 1st time) "What are you doing talking to my client like this!?!" See ~ living in a madhouse is it any wonder I flip?
Then she busied in in the end with a doctor's appointment. I was far too exhaustedly compliant by this time to question what exactly FOR. Then she had a go at me for not attending groups and demanded what on earth is this interview here about. I said well I DID have depressive "experiences" since childhood... Oh but you're on heroin. Yes but childhood occurred EIGHTEEN YEARS EARLIER. I'm talking about depressed enough to obsess about death enough to nearly convince myself I WAS dying. That's fairly extreme. Hey! And another string to my psycho bow.
Well I'll update you next week for full entertainment!!
Cheerio~~
O AND BY THE WAY, TALKING OF CHILDHOOD MONSTERS: MICHAEL JACKSON YESTERDAY ANNOUNCED "RETIREMENT" (though he "loves you all" (his fans) CONCERTS AT LONDON O2 (mobile phone) arena...
Official "teaser"...
II: DOES MICHAEL JACKSON THINK HE'S GOD?
See this and see for yourself...
Also he hasn't done 750m albums. More like 100million solo. (Liar!) + Have you ever seen a line of 30-year-old grown men (probably) pee their pants like that??!?... Even if they ARE "Michael Jackson fans" (hey at least I'm not THAT mental...)
PS SOMEONE please reply to my horrid post and assure me this psyo-psyching isn't really real. Surely not!!
O COME ON ~~ SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING, PLEASE!!
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't think the post was horrid. You've gone to get tested so maybe there will be some results forthcoming. If you have felt depressed for years, then perhaps you have depression (not a brilliant deduction I admit). Anyway, talking heroin isn't going to help anything much in the psycho department. Hang in there until more results are forthcoming.
ReplyDeleteHi, Gleds. No, I don't think you're a nutter but the people assessing you may be! They like to suggest in-vogue disturbances. Now, if you believe you are going mad you will, so don't! You seem a perfectly normal, nice young man to me. Ok, you gotta weakness but who hasn't? At least you are open about it and are trying to overcome it. Don't beat yourself up, Gleds - there are plenty of self-righteous hypocrites out there willing to do that for you.
ReplyDeleteMost people who become therapists have issues themselves - that's why they are interested in the field - and they likely identify their own problems in other people. Don't worry or second guess or self-diagnose. While understanding why you might be using could help you in some ways, you will have to get over it anyway and do the hard bit of going without. I just hope they can give you support in ways that actually help.
ReplyDeleteI won't even try to dispense psychological advice on this one.
ReplyDeleteBut I am going to comment on Michael Jackson. What happened?! WHAT HAPPENED TO SUCH AN AMAZING TERRIFIC GENIUS? HE WAS THA MAN BACK IN MY CHILDHOOD! THERE WAS NO ONE COOLER THAN HIM!
And then came the facial transformation, the odd skin, the child abuse allegations, the interview with Martin Bashir, and OH MY GOD.
It's so sad.
Persevere with it Gleds, you never know . . .very unprofessional of your drug worker to intervene like that, talk about professional jealousy. You stick to your own agenda and don't be swayed . . .they're trying to find answers to some impossible questions I'll bet.
ReplyDeleteAs for Mr Jackson, there was some speculation as to whether that was actually him at the press conference . . dunno he looked a little more odd than usual to me and his teeth weren't 'straight'.
Your case worker sounds like a TWAT! I feel sorry for you having to go through all this mate.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother heard voices until they were able to get her on the right drugs. She came to live with us. I was a young aspiring psychiatrist and told her that I heard them, too-- but that i was hearing them tell her to bake cookies with Tea. I thought that I could help her by convincing her that they were saying other things that remarkably went. . . my way!
ReplyDeleteMy parents only heard part of her and my conversation and they took me to her doctor who could barely succeed in keeping a straight face as I explained how I was helping him. I was asked to please wait until I was out of college to help anyone and that while my intentions were good to let him work on his own. He did tell my parents to let me have ans many journals as they could get to me because I WAS understanding them.
I wish you the best of everything in this, Gled. It was heartbreaking to see my grandmother with her condition, but you have a sense of irony that I think makes you better able to ride this monster.
Syd: aye but well put nonetheless. Did you know headshrinkers, though, (ever the cautiositarians...) call it "low mood" and I was never told I had anything but for over 2 years of psychiatric knitting-needling prodding... aye!
ReplyDeleteWelshcakes: merci beaucoup! thank you for that I've decided to fake sanity from now on, so perhaps I SHALL become inherently, 1 0 0 % SANE by "OSMOSIS"...(!!!?!?!?!?!?**!!)
Jeannie: hmmm, how interesting my psycho new drugs worker said "which of the group session workers do you like the most!!"
probably "strongly implying" the lady who did my latest assessment was not to be trusted. I know when something's wrong around me. t'was all over the place
Wat: aye you're not wrong but why the High Security??!?
(@wHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT MEANT TO SAY??!?)
Martin Bashir says a lot about how NAIVE Michael Jackson can be.
So taken in by the legacy of Princess Diana. It did so much for Diana, look how much it'll do for me! I'd have thought Jacko would know better than to think any journalist was in the palm of his hand unless the guy was explicitly taking BRIBES~!!!
Baino: aye I'll perservere, you have to make the best of a thoroughly to back up doncha... stick to my own agenda, I would do, if only I properly had one..!!
ReplyDeleteVincent: aye you're idle! ! what's you doing turning up suddenly like that outta tha blue??!!!! come on do tell me!!!!!
Tea N Crumpet: what does the N mean in your name...??