THIS is what my very good friend Welshcakes Limoncello (in Sicily) said to me, and I happen to have agreed with her over the course of the weekend, before, I got to peruse her pearldrops...Hi, Gleds. No, I don't think you're a nutter but the people assessing you may be! They like to suggest in-vogue disturbances. Now, if you believe you are going mad you will, so don't! You seem a perfectly normal, nice young man to me. Ok, you gotta weakness but who hasn't? At least you are open about it and are trying to overcome it. Don't beat yourself up, Gleds - there are plenty of self-righteous hypocrites out there willing to do that for you.
From what little I know about "dissociation", those liable to it (and that appeared to be the accusation implicitly levelled at me) are the most highly suggestible of all people. So if I am a sexually abused false-memory-therapy type, then any madness suggested to me shall be picked up.
Which is why I'm turning my attention rather irritatedly to my forthcoming book. I know this sounds hopelessly naive, but
I'm SO hoping it will bring in the funds to supply a full year's (or hopefully several years') full living. NOT just so I can be a "millionaire" but more to the point so I can at long last finally escape from the relentlessly pressuring thumb of the State Benefits Welfare system, get well and truly away from it, pay myself through the luxury rehab where they put you to sleep then blockade you against heroin ever working again for months on end, leave the country and, then if "mental-ness" is a continuing "issue" pay for a private psychiatrist myself, wallowing in the luxuriant assurance that me and state benefits are long since parted, that I'm no longer paid for being ill (that's essentially what sickness and disability benefits do). How I would love to cut a permanent divide between the reality of my own unhappiness and it qualifying me for state welfare handouts. Surely that connexion is the very unhealthiest, unhappiest of all...
No, as Freddie Mercury sang, I want to break free...I yearn to do it after my own manner and fashion, NOT IN THIS DESPISED COUNTRY OF MINE which I'm growing truly to loathe, thanks to the petty-minded petty-bureaucratic attitude of our tiredly-outdated "New Labour" government... Oh please let me go free!
Do you know where I'd really like to go? Apart from Berlin and various of the Canary Islands (I'm not put off for a moment by dark-grey volcanic sandy beaches: how funky is that~!) I'd really like an extended stay on Sardinia and/or Corsica...
PS: 17:22hrs GMT I just ran away fromt telly half hour ago cos I were watching't' Deal or No Deal wit Noel Edmunds ~ aye! ~ and jer know what twonk playing't' game said? Now bear in mind 'e'd come tut end ot game near enough wi' £250,000 still intact int' box, another £5000 in another box, plus two blues: 50p and summut like £25. Now if yer've never seen't pror-gramme b4 then bear in mind at beginning o't show, yer aves 16 boxes wi' 16 randomly assigned amounts of money int boxes. O'course nor-body knowes what moonnies in where. 'Cept Banker an' e's bloodi born idle, aye 'e is an' that I'll tell yer fer nowt!
Highest one's £250,000, second highest is £100,000, then £75,000, £50,000 and so on down. These are colour-corded red. Blue amounts under £1000 go down tut 1p. Sore randomly opening't boxes and taking whatever's int box left ont table wi' you is summut o't risk ~ aye, I'll tell yer that for nowt!
Any road, this feller's got summut like 50p, £25, £5000 and £250,000 and Banker phornes wit deal sayin' Aye! Yer not wrong! I'll give yer £15,141.30 (that is 15-14-13) so no more running't risk of 4-1 odds against you pickin' oop quarter million. And look on't guy's face o' such pain: I were thinkin' TAKE DEAL, LAD! TAKE £15,000 and forgerrabout quarter mil cos I've seen't show enough ter see 'ardly anyone wins it.
And what did 'e do? But look like 'e were about to be sick in't shoes and carri on. And first box 'e chose to eliminairte were't £250,000 ~ aye, so e's lost mooney now. Instead o shoutin' at screen I just turned off, aye. I were well wound oop, aye, that's why I'm sittin' in 'ere...What would yous lot 'ave done, yer mytherin' load o' mardies? And jer like me Northern Accent..?!?
RIGHT: YER BONE IDLE! I've got ter gor, it's 7 passt 6 at naaat, Simpsons is on, 'ollyoarks'll be on in 20 minutes. Sor righty-hor then, gubbye!
Get cracking on that book m'dear and hopefully it will bring the rewards to fulfil your dreams. I didn't travel abroad until I was 38 and I desperately wanted to go to Corsica, unfortunately it was too expensive at the time. I did, however, spend a day there when I was on a Med cruise and it docked there. :)
ReplyDeleteAye! Jer know I never realized Corsica and Sardinia were meant to be well posh, I just thought they were places everyone went to (apart from us!!) int late 70s, because that's where't social climbing petty bourgeoisie kids in me social climbers' petty boureoisie primary school went. Except for't poor kids int class who went ter Margate.
ReplyDeleteOnly places we went abroad on 'olidays were Malta (which were lovely) and Holland (which were like magical version o' Britain wi' stoof like cartoned grape juice int supermarket what yer couldn't get fer loove nor mooni in them days... aye. Yer not wrong about book I'm dashin' home wi't new pen as wi speak!
I will come back later and read what you've written but I just wanted to say that if you like my wellies you would love the wallpaper I saw yesterday in B&Q. Totally japanese schoolgirl.
ReplyDeleteOff to execise now. I hope I live.
Myself, I'm not sure these psychologist types really know what they're on about always. Sometimes, yes, but in a lot of this repression/memory stuff, they have been proved wrong so many times. It's still such a new subject and so much of it is educated guesswork still.
ReplyDeleteYou can bring almost anything up through regression hypnosis. Alien abductions, past lives, anything the psychotherapist THINKS is the issue.
Personally, I think psychology has it's uses, but more in a generic sense. On an individual level, only genuine empathy can aid to understanding someone, I think.
Liz: Best Japanese schoolgirl thing I ever had was a light blue tiny before-its-time cordless phone by Binatone. Gorrit from Argos and was so oopset when that one broke OUTSIDE the one year "gerranoother one free" oonofficial warranti period...
ReplyDeleteaye and yer never said nowt about Northern accent. Dooz it coom out alright in print? Coom on tell us what!
Crushed: Aye, I looked oop false memory therapy ont internet and coom back wi' all manner o stoof about dodgy counsellors bringing on "iatrogenic" psychological inconvenience... The wikipedia article on "dissociative identity disorder" (ie multiple personality disorder to me and you) points out vehemently (and somehow these distinctions seem all the more telling in the shrunken-world age of the internet) that multiple personality is an American phenomenon... as for alien abduction and the more bizarre constellations of psychoberkism they only EVER occur in "Western Hemisphere" (as one might politely deign to call that particular madhouse...)
Not to dishearten you but did you know that psychiatrists have yet to "cure" anybody? They just really have a bunch of theories and patients are guinea pigs. So don't take anything they say too seriously unless it's something that happens to help you.
ReplyDeleteDeal or no Deal...I'd be so nervous that I'd crap myself but being the conservative I am - a bird in the hand etc. - I would take the money and run.
I am well flattered, Gleds! What's with t'accent?
ReplyDeleteGo Gleds. You have the write (sorry) attitude and so your book will get written. I agree with your summing up of the welfare system. You are paid for being sick but, and here's the difference, you want out of that neverending circle. So believe that you'll get there and you will.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Welshcakes said, too. I don't think you're a nutter but a very articulate and intelligent person. No psychobabblist can make you otherwise.
You have a lot of blog friends behind you, encouraging and supporting as much as we can through cyberspace. I hope it helps...I'm sure it will.
All the best. Hugs.
The second part about Deal or No Deal was really great to read. It felt like I was reading an Irvine Welsh novel. I can't watch shows like that, it effects me in the same manner. I get too easily upset by people doing dumb shit and losing all of their money.
ReplyDelete= )
The best thing I can wish you that you write a "Harry Potter" and become as rich as this woman I forgot her name ! Your country is not as bad as you think although you write the same things as my friend Doug in Eastbourne tells me when I am there. Many people always want to live in another country and when they live there they realize after a while that it is even worse ! Once I had to write in a post in which country I would like to live. you know what I wrote ? In England at the coast ! Cornwall would be nice for me !
ReplyDeletejeannie: you're right on 2 counts. psychiatrists are frauds?/freuds?/whatever~ aye
ReplyDeleteI'd definitely have taken t' money last night it were ridiculous I were so angry I couldn't watch telly nummore!
welshcakes: I dornt nor!
puss-in-boots: thank you, I hope to get out never ever ever to return!!
lucinda: isn't it v modern to have shows where at one point they've "won" then they gamble and lose what they never came with... but hey I'd have taken that £15000 and run outta there. Irvine Welsh was Scottish but aye I get yer point ;->...
gattina: do you know what you put in a nutshell my attitude towards travelling (or migrating) abroad. My thing is I just want, for once, to live with someone else's system, someone else's mistakes and to be able to think "however good or bad this is, I never grew up with it, loving or infuriated. So it's nothing to do with me and I don't care ~ whoopee!!!!!
" close quote %-/...
ReplyDeleteLUCINDA: aye yer not wrong ~ I'm ont way cher blog in a morment, aye!
ReplyDelete