No Wonder She's Tubby!

MY LOCAL SHOP is selling the type of McVite's digestives manufactured for overseas markets. The packaging's all in Turkish, Albanian and Arabic and you can just about find English by turning upside down and putting a microscope next to the barcode. The white chocolate-like coating is actually strawberry yoghurt "with real fruit pieces!" ~ as goes the declaration in a plethora of Middle Eastern languages.

I gave the Trotters a bit of one of these. How cute they looked craning necks as to say "what's the old dinosaur up to this time?" and eyes looking especially beady. So I lower said biscuit. Without ceremony Spherical grabbed it and scurried off to her side of the Cadbury's Chocolate Fingers box (I only buy this stuff to give them somewhere to live!).... leaving Bashful high and dry biscuitless and forlorn. She didn't even bother to follow. Probably has been on the receiving end of Carrot Nose's viciousness one too many times. When I gave her a piece of her own I noticed she scuttled off as far away from Spherical as she could trot (all of 10 inches). O it's a weary life being a dwarf Mongolian hamster. No wonder they only live an average two months in the wild...

I MET A KINDLY THUG at drugs drop-in service who informed me of the horrific Easter Weekend to come. I can't believe I was oblivious. I don't believe in the paganized brand of supposed "Christianity" propounded by the Counterfiet Church in Rome and so my eyes are shut to images of Easter bunnies and chocolate eggs. Although I love the cute carrot-gnawers and adore Easter-egg chocolate. If I were going to have a pet though I think I'd go for a chinchilla. I always think they resemble rabbits from Mars... I saw one getting its teeth clipped on Rolf Harris's Animal Hospital. It doesn't hurt. But you should have seen how the tubby little critter screwed up its cone-nose as if to say: "Where have they GONE?!?"

I got given a free 49p Cadbury's Creme Egg whilst passing a paganized Afro Carribean church en route to my dealer t'other day. I luuurve the fondant fillings, doesn't everyone agree. Though I can't imagine they'd be a success in the hotter territories of the world. Without the severest air-con you'd end up with a shelf-full of foil-squashed chocolate ooze...

NOW I'M TRYING TO LIVE HEALTHILY: putting back a £3 875g "Rocky Road" family chocolate-caramel-fudge cheesecake and scurrying off with 6x "whitefish" fillets (they mean pollack) and Iceland's own industrially crisped diddly roasting potatoes. By the way if you want to piri piri these and are not in possession of Cajun seasoning, I did 'em first time round with 90% paprika 10 or even 5% chili powder mix. To this I added MSG and salt. They crisped up really nicely and I think the flavour might better suit the average western palate. Lots of paprika's essential as it crisps up something lovely and makes a fantastic vehicle for "chili delivery" as htey might say int' indoostrial crisping factori.

Right! Yer idle!! Hey my floors are dazzlingly... well lacking in cobwebs, fagash residue, dropped frozen peas &c &c. Quite unbelievable!!

So now I'm off home with pollack fillets (twice as many (but 2/3 size: I did notice that) as cod) and a curbungction of diddly tomatoes and lemon to make fish and diddly potatoes go wonderful..!

HERE'S SOME FANTASTICATIONAL VIDEO ENTERTAINMENT FOR YOUS ALL TONIGHT, THIS MORNING, EVENING, AFTERNOON, WHATEVER:~~ ENJOY!!

Samuel L Jackson gives dramatic licence to classic song lyrics:



Here's the original. Joe Dolce, 1980. ~Anyone remember this? Shut Uppa Ya Face!
I remember it because it was on Top of the Pops the night I refused to go to Cubs because the other kids were teasing me because my hair was falling out. 8 years old and under such stress. I got taken out of classes and a kindly lady came to see me at school. I now know she was probably a kiddie psychologist or the like. All she asked me was "were things happy at home?" and I replied: Of course. What else was I meant to say with my Mum sitting there? And how was I to know what was and wasn't happy??



I love Leona. She's sweet. Here's the unknown Leona Lewis on the X Factor talent show. If you've not seen this and can even vaguely tolerate this sort of thing you want to see this because this performance is outstanding: