ALL I WAS THINKING about this morning was what a strong, fixating hold this heroin drug has over me. I can't think of anything else that comes close.When I used to smoke crack I always saw it as rubbish and couldn't care whether it was good or bad. It took the dealers a while to pick up that I was extremely discriminating about the one drug (heroin) and could barely care less about the other.
Basically I used crack to jazz up the heroin hit. This is a so-called snowball or speedball. The combination is extremely addictive. When I tried to stop it, heroin alone seemed extremely boring, like a dry old bit of stale bread without butter. Or tea without sugar.
The leaflet I read the other day said that heroin doubles the amount of dopamine in the brain; crack quadrouples it; but heroin and crack together makes a x10 high. THAT explains why it was so hard to give up ~ even though I was still using heroin.
A stupid girl from South London is awaiting trial in a Lao prison for attempting to smuggle a 700g packet into Thailand (and presumably on to the West). If found guilty she faces the firing squad. Good for her! Anything's gotta be better than doing life in a South-East Asian prison...
PS: there are no old junkies? Not at all true. I know loads. Though not a single one would inject in the crook of the arm: that vein is always first to go. These characters have legs like porridge from repeated skinpopping abscesses...
Hey Gled, just dropping by to say hello. I just read your last few posts, and it sounds like you're living in a new place! Happy housewarming, and I hope it goes alright for you.
ReplyDeleteI could use some dopamine in my brain but I'm glad I'm too chicken to try this stuff. Frankly, I'm always amazed that anyone starts now with the knowledge of what's in store for them - even just teens smoking. On the other hand, I've watched myself get fatter knowing it can't lead anywhere good so I'm no better - pot calling the kettle black. But I wonder what it is with us that we choose to do things we know aren't good.
ReplyDeleteEw, 'skin popping legs like porridge' doesn't sound like a good time to me.
ReplyDeleteIt gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine anything giving enough pleasure to make sticking a needle in myself worthwhile. :(
ReplyDeleteI have the horrible feeling you're going even further downhill Gled and that is really, really sad. :(
Hey Gled ... u forgot to mention that the young woman in Laos is also pregnant and was impregnated SINCE entering the prison there. If everybody got shot for trying to smuggle heroin, I would have been shot in Turkey!!! Glad I am alive though ;) K x
ReplyDeleteOooops ... I just noticed that u mentioned that in an earlier post. Lucky those who look before they speak. Blame it on red wine tonight :D
ReplyDeleteAww stop it! You have given up the crack tho haven't you? Anyone . .and I mean anyone . . who tries to smuggle drugs gets what they deserve. We're still waiting to hear the fate of the Bali nine caught 2 years ago and still in prison in Bali. Stupid kids.
ReplyDeleteI dunno, Gleds. You seem to be more obsessed that ever with the drugs...is because of the depression you've had that's caused this? Whatever, I think it's terribly sad.
ReplyDeleteCatvibe: it's lovely thanks. But a bit suburban...
ReplyDeleteJeannie: I had seen up close what heroin did, so I was terrified of becoming an addict. Yet I loved the effects of the DRUG. (Not any image or "trendy" thing.) If any other factor came into play it was sheer rebelliousness: against my anti-heroin (yet pro-ecstasy/coke) peers. Also I was deceived by how easy it seemed to be to stop... at first. But not later...
Reeny: it's horrible!! Women persist more with skinpopping as they've more blubbersome thighs. Men give up and smoke...
Syd: I know what you mean. I used to hate injections at school. Whatever possessed to me hold out my arm I'll never know (well I do: I'd already smoked it...)
Akelamalu: I was reading a heroin memoir "beautiful needle" came up and I suddenly saw it from a nonaddict point of view and that sounded so sick...
Fishwiskas: I was looking at the one photo in the papers thinking "poor cow". Then I saw another with a v different look in her eye and I thought "she thinks she can get away with anything". To be honest I'm quite sure she got pregnant deliberately and good on her. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do...
Baino: I have fantasized about bringing back a kilo or two but purely for personal use (never in a million years would I sell on an endless supply of cheap gear and make it less endless!!) I know someone who nearly got made "patsy" in Turkey. Ie the decoy while larger amounts passed by unnoticed... She found out when her little boy was taught the Turkish phrase "I fuck my mother" and realized their smiles were false ...
Pussinboots: I don't think any more so... I'm just mentioning it more (aren't I?)... I don't know