Free Drinks Galore!

THE MORNING AFTER lots of other people's night before I went out a-wondering at 6am and what should I find but two full bottles of vodka-lemonade mix plus a pint glass sitting on a bollard. No urine or fag-ash to be detected; the contents proved to be vodka-ated sweet cyder. Yum-yums!

I was half-cut all through Friends and Hollyoaks on Sunday morning.

That's the problem, dwelling far out in the twee suburbs. it's not like Desperate Housewives land (London doesn't really have Wisteria Drive-style suburbs; we do have a lottery winners' equivalent or multimillionaires' row ~ far from the stately squares of Mayfair ~ Belgravia ~ Kensington & Chelsea or the Avenues of Holland Park (Holland Park: double-fronted detached houses, outsized bay windows, high ceilings. Ultra-leafy gardens... is where I'd situate my London residence if I won a multi-rollover on the Euromillions lottery...)... far from these places and round the corner from the media-centric Champagne Socialist heartland of Hampstead ~ famous for its heath, the biggest patch of uncultivated land anywhere near London "proper"... London's tasteless multimillionaires' row, Bishops Avenue is packed with the kind of Hollywood Wives style homes that look like if you stood outside and sneezed the front wall would blow in...

That's Bishops Avenue for you... Anyway: how did I get on this subject? Oh yeah you hardly ever make decent finds by way of food ~ alcohol ~ drugs on the streets where I am now ...

Where I used to live it was kebab-city. I'm very partial to a decently chargrilled shish. On Saturday nights the local rubbish bins used to be brimming with them. Newly discarded. Barely touched. And vomit-free too for the most part. Noshing down these, you could eat like a king! (Well, a homeless drug-addict King ...)

I cut my hair again, while I was still half-cut. It was looking like an unpleasant cloud of horribleness thundering round my head. Two thirds of it has come off. There it lays next to the television set, glistening in its slick chestnutness, shimmering with streaks of gold. You might think some expensive shampoos and hair products achieved this. But no! It was value frequent-wash with-conditioner (or more to the point Nature) that achieved it. Shampoo adverts are a load of Bullenscheiße, as the Germans would put it.

Glancing in the mirror this morning I was confronted by the image of an escaped mental patient staring back. But I'm keeping it this way, at least till tomorrow afternoon. Because I need to go to the council and make a good excuse why some benefits forms weren't returned a month-and-a-half ago... Wish me luck!

Cheers everyone! (Ching-ching!!) I hope yous all had a cheery weekend too!!

BIG BROTHER Classic Tasks ~ Electric Shocks!
THIS clip is hilarious.
1} The shockers you see going off here are apparently used in high-tech S&M games...
2} You'd think Rex (in gold) would have troubled to wear underwear on national television...
3} I've heard feminists telling me loads of times that women have higher pain thresholds than men. So how come two women ~ and one a lesbian at that ~ gave up totally!! "I'm not having that on my arse for two hours," said Lisa.
Noreen, the pretty one, was up for eviction this weekend but stayed in ~ huraah! Lots of people don't like her because she had two men and a lesbian after her at different times over the seven weeks and handled it badly. But I like Noreen. I don't think she has done anything else except be herself...



DUR!: AND I was wondering what made me feel sick on Saturday morning... of course... it was CELINE DION~!!