No Sleeping Pills: A Non-Drug Tale

VALIUM MARILYN (think Marilyn Monroe with a 40-year drug habit) who is (normally) my friend is in my severe bad books. I don't normally ask her for pills (she takes so many that when she once fell over on the bus she rattled ~ but not having slept at night all week I was tempted enough to call her two days ago and ask. She was incommunicado all day Friday (which means she was off her head) but I got a call at 09:30 hours yesterday (when I was ~ at last ~ asleep!) saying as soon as she gives her over-protective son the slip she will serve up. It took her eight hours to hobble out of her house. Then she rang me again saying she was sat on the doorstep of a Greek crackhead witch I know of old who unfortunately lives round the corner ~ and will I get there NOW. Well I couldn't do NOW because I wasn't round the corner and when I did get to the vicinity of said doorstep, the wobbling Marilyn was nowhere to be seen.

I knew exactly what was going on. Not having bothered to wait TEN MINUTES she was indoors piping with Androulla, the Greek crackhead witch, who would have bought my pills with coke. And of course Marilyn was ignoring her phone.

So five failed calls and a text later I rang Androulla's irritable Russian boyfriend who had been stupid enough to give me the number (must've been high because he doesn't like me very much more than I like Androulla). The witch answered herself. I could hear Marilyn's shrill cockney tones in the background. I said: "Can you tell Mal to stop ignoring her phone."

"How do you know she's here? She's not here!" (Very logical.)

But I'd made my point. So it's no pills for me after I'd disturbed the sanctuary of Marilyn's sacred crack. I don't touch "white" at all nowdays so I wasn't interested in that. (The mere thought of piping fills me with nausea.) But I could have done with some pills. I didn't sleep at all last night. It's now 08:17am and the broad light of day floods in through my thin curtains, torturing the back of my eyes. How am I ever going to reset my sleep pattern? I would do it without pills if I thought I could. That's one reason I keep my place so cold. Low body temp sends you off to bubbies: how many freezing nights have you lain wide awake? See what I mean...
BENZODIAZEPINES* PLEASE.

PS: Benzodiazepines are prescribed sleeping aids like Valium/diazepam, temazepam, lorazepam, oxazepam, flurazepam, nitrazepam, flunitrazempam... and just about anything else ending in "-azepam"...

PPS: On the subject of drugs, that mysterious nameless "designer" substance I sampled a few weeks ago is called mepherdrone ... not an opiate, apparently vaguely related to the North African chewing-leaf khat ...