But how much is actually pity, empathy, love ~ the pity we might feel for relatives and partners of those killed in disasters in the news, or to the parents of young men, barely out of school, who are gunned down or stabbed in senseless disputes over nothing?
It is traditional to claim we don't want pity, as if pity were patronizing at best or a smear or slight on a person at worst. Is not pity love? A type of love, at least. To be able to pity oneself, then, one must love oneself.
How many times do we genuinely feel self-pity? Isn't it actually self-loathing and hatred and horror and distaste we are more likely to feel to ourselves?
Or plain old guilt?
I have had flashes of self-pity. Pity rather than loathing. The kind of pity you might feel for a down-and-out on the street. And it felt like a whole new world. Like I actually loved myself. That I was special enough to care and be cared for.
Those two characters in my head who never match and meet for once came briefly to a truce.
I felt that somebody loved me. And I felt worry and concern, and wondered why I do the self-destructive things I do.
And it felt good. And it hurt.
A beautifully honest post here. Thanks for sharing this. I don't think that loving myself is like pitying myself. I feel good about myself most of the time. Pity is not about love really.
ReplyDeleteI think maybe you mean compassion, not pity, when you say you experience feelings of love together with this emotion.
ReplyDeleteCompassion is good. It's almost like love. Love and compassion may bring us pain, too. So I understand why you say it felt good and it hurt. Like the song says: "Love hurts, love scars..."
If self-pity changes into compassion it's improvement, development. One doesn't wallow in it any more, but feels noble feelings. I think... I hope... :)
No Syd my theory was that pity was a type of love, or that to be able to pity, there needs to be at least some love there as well
ReplyDeleteRita: that's an interesting point. I had never drawn any difference between pity and compassion but they are probably different. Maybe it it compassion I meant, not pity
Makes me wonder - what is pity? Is it compassion or is there an element of snobbishness in it? Or is that just the connotation? Whatever. I get what you mean and perhaps it is good to see yourself from a different viewpoint - maybe there's some forgiveness in there. Some of us are just more weak and vulnerable than others. Maybe we can't help it either.
ReplyDeleteGleds,
ReplyDeleteDid it hurt because you dislike what you do to yourself or did it hurt because you realise how others might see you?
I think you feel compassion rather than loathing or pity, and that is often the beginning of new awareness...
On the other hand, it is entirely possible to feel pity for another without really respecting them.
Thought-provoking post, Gledds. Not sure how I feel about this. I need to think on it.
ReplyDeleteHope your weather is still nice and cool. It's hot over here in Ohio.
The fact that you are pondering these things and that you feel these feelings is good. Tells me that you haven't given up.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Rita, u don't need love to pity, you do need love to be compassionate.
Good post Gleds :)
Check out my blogoroo, there is a pick up that might lift your spirits a tad.
ReplyDeleteYou're thinking deep thoughts Gleds - that's good.
ReplyDeleteWow...that's out there, Gleds. But good for you for not being afraid to be honest.
ReplyDeleteAs someone once said to me...it's ok sometimes to feel self pity, because you're the only one who is feeling sorry for you.
So feel self pity occasionally and let those two parts of you come together...who knows, it could lead to a healing.
Here's a hug for you.
We can have empathy and compassion for others but with self pity it's more a wishing for things to be different at a moment when we feel least able to make a change.
ReplyDeleteJeannie: precisely
ReplyDeleteE: mostly the 1st but some of the 2nd
SB: it's getting hotter :-(
Reeny: I hope it's good
Reeny: OK
Akelamalu: again ~ I hope so!
Ozkatt: thank you. I do feel I slightly overstated the selfloathing thing. I do feel that but it's mixed in with lots of other things. I suppose I was trying to make a point succinctly, I hope I didn't muddy the waters in doing so
main point: when we "self-pity" is it really pity for the self? or something else?
Bimbimbie: yep.
there was one other thing I left out (I added the "just guilty?" paragraph afterwards ~ what about sulking.
that certainly does not involve pity in my opinion. sulking is feeling wounded and licking one's wounds
but pejoratively put