I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I'm fed up of complaining about myself as if I'm somebody else. I suppose this is the point. I'm trying to grab the controls to my life with both hands and steer in the right direction.
For so long nobody has been steering at all. The only way I've gone forward is in time, because time marches on. But in every other sense I'm going nowhere.
I think I'm going to go back to NA again. At least NA meetings are full of addicts who (somehow) cleaned themselves up and got lives back. I haven't a clue how any of them managed to do it, but somehow they did. I know NA works. I've seen it work. I just hope it might work for me!
Awesomly Awesom, do it. Write yourself reminders and post them all over the flat to guilt yourself into going when you're feeling less positive.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good idea. There's a meeting once a week that's quite close, and I really have no excuse for not going. Still haven't been for weeks on end. Of course. Gotta start going again :-)
ReplyDeleteMaybe that's a good idea! Perhaps just being around those who have done it will be inspiration enough. Go for it!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I was hoping. I am too trapped by my own thoughts of hopelessness and helplessness. That is called "learned halplessness" - apparently
ReplyDeleteGood for you. I am rooting for you. Go back to NA and put your heart and soul into staying clean, working the steps, and living a good life.
ReplyDeleteExcelent, go for it! One of my dearest friends was an addict. She got off the heroin in the late 80s and has been clean ever since. It hsas not been easy for her but she's done it
ReplyDeleteI wish you the very best
Syd: thank you. You know you're not traditionally considered "clean" by NA until you're off methadone and ALL drugs including alcohol, so it's going to be quite difficult to go "clean" in NA-terms.
ReplyDeleteI also decided though that I will concoct my OWN system of sobriety. One that includes the NA system, but is not limited to it.
I am never going to get myself into the dangerous situation where someone with so many months or years clean pops a prescribed sleeping pill, then says "I've used!" And a day later is back on heroin and crack! All for the sake of a sleeping pill.
That's why I am doing clean on my own terms and if I need meds off the dr I will take them and I will always remember I am a heroin addict and to me clean is about not taking heroin. Other people can keep their ideas to themselves. I've had trouble enough and it is all down to heroin. I was never an addict until I took and got addicted to heroin. Once I finally chuck heroin out of my life I know I will not want crack - gave that up 18 months ago - crack is only any good with heroin to go with it. Drink I have to stop for at least a year. When I went on Subutex-buprenorphine I couldn't face alcohol. So I can't see any problems. Without heroin I can't see that I'd want any drugs at all. Akh. Goodbye heroin!
Jams: the late 80s?... Wow. That makes over 20 years clean. Wish I could say that one day :-)
It would be nice if you could stop drinking ! aren't drugs enough to get a view of a beautiful world ? Usually drinkers are not druggies and vice versa. You must be an exception.
ReplyDeleteNo I never learned steno, I never needed it either because I was told what to write in what language and I did the texts myself. I have no idea about steno.
good luck and best wishes for your step to become clean, it's probably not easy, i still do drugs but more now very rarely and i made a decision to quit coke forever, such a expensive useless drug, im not ready to give up the pills yet though lol
ReplyDeleteand im cutting down drastically alcohol, i may drink 4 times a month now if that.
I hope all goes well for you, and that you can finally kick the habit in the butt!!!! xoxox
It's a great decision Gleds, i'm hoping it works for you.
Good for you, Gled. Been waiting to hear this for a long time...
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