UUUUUUUUUUUU SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT I KEEP REALIZING THINGS REALIZING THINGS THAT ARE THE SAME THINGS AS NOW FROM BEFORE WHEN I DIDN'T THINK I HAD ANYTHING WRONG WIHT ME DINT THINK IT REALY THINK IT PSYCHOTIC DEPRESSION SUICDIE TRAIN NOT DIE STAY ALIVE DEAD BY THE TRACK WITH IT RAINING ON ME I AM INVINCIBLE I WILL NEVER DIE NEV ER DIE EVEN DEPRESED NOT DEAD ALIVE ALIVE ALIVE ALIVE NOT DEAD ALIVE ALIVE WHY WHY WHY GOA GO TO GOA GO GOA GOA GO GO KNOW WHAT I MEAN ARRRY
KNOW WHAT WHERE TO GO CANNOT
FOCUS
IN
FULL
BITS
PIECES
THIS THAT WHAT THE OTHER THING FULL EMPTY HOW MUCH HERE NOW THERE THEN EVERYWEHRE SHOWER
GO IN THE SHOWER
TAKE OFF CLOTEHS
DO NOT SHOWER WITH CLOTES ON I CANNOT SHOWER HOUR FOR HOUR HOUR HOUR HOURS IN SHOWERS CLOTHES IN SHOWERS WHICH ONES WHICH WHICH PITCH ME WHICH ONES FOR HOURS AN DHOURS IN SHOWERS CLOTHES UP MY NOSE NO COCAINE HAS GONE UP MY NOSE
HI HI HI HI HI HI HI EVERYONE HI
CANNOT MODERATE COMMENTS CANNOT READ COMMENTS APRECIATE COMMENTS CANNOG FOCUS LOCUS LOCUST HOCUS POCUS FRACTURE IMPACTURE FRACTURE CLINIC INNIT
SORRY
SORRY CAN'T GOTTA GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GOING ANYWHAY UP UP UP ROUND WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
!!!!!
GOTTA GO AND DO WHAT EVER IT IS SOMETHING THINGS LOTS OF THINGS IN RINGS AND RINGS AND ROUND AND ROUND IN THE SAME BITS OF SOUND AK AKI AKA AK AKAKAKAKAKAKKAK
HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1D
1149 please nobody tell me to go to na annot cannot am not frac not cant not appropriate
it is not approparate
its not the right thig for now
smbody just foned me i cannot speak
except like this is is is is is okokk K K KKKK
cannot focus
cann am up up not bad good good good its v good it's good
i'm up it's all ok
make the stress go away
lots of shit is in the way
today
so i am going to play
NOT THINKING ABOUT HEROIN CRACK ANY DRUGS NOT OBSESSED DONT CARE SO FUCKING LIGHT YEARS PAST ANY OF THAT ITS NOT ME ME ME OUT OF TREE EE E E E EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
NOT
YES UP NO DRUGS
FUCKED UP YES FUCKED DOWN DON'T GO DOWN
THE HEROIN BLOCKED THE UPS AND DOWNS IT WAS MY MEDICATION
OH WOW WOW I CAN FOCUS A BIT I CAN KEEP NOT SLEEP IT ALL IN A LINE
WOW CALM CALM CALM DOWN I NEED TO CALM DOWN AM TRYING
I AM TRYING
I TRY
1227 SHIT A person a friend foned me i couldnt talk to them i was oinoinonioinoinoinoinoinoingingingingin
down the phone
they said
we
are
coming
round
to
look
after
you
i
don't
want
a
dcotor
i
want
a
cigarette
sorryi cannot concentrate i'm trying to calm down
bc if i don't
they'll set me off really bad
and i won't be able to sepeak proper anymore
and that's it so far
i have to write it down
while i happens
ori;lllforgetnotyetetetetetetetetetetetete
they are coming round
i will be nice
and yet get rid
fuck what are they going to do i cannot worry about anything i will not i refuse to engage to worry to stressessess stress i will not do do do it
i won't
i dont have to stress
i need to calm down
need to go chemist
no sleepers no methadone just bits of apaper prescription sleeping pills senior psych next week i can just about cope at home alone no stress i can barely do anything
i can barely go out
i do it
i washed i just washed a tenth of me
everything is very complicated
that is
that
ha ha
i gotta go now
HI HI HI HI HI
ReplyDeleteHI WOW THERE IS A CALM BLANK IN THIS ZONE
NOT LOTS OF THINGS
NOT
WOW
SORRY
I'M
ONLY JUST TALKING TO MYSELF
HOW ARE Y'ALL HOW ARE YOU TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU TELL ME HOW YOU ARE ARE ARE TELL ME HOW YOU ARE HELLO Y'ALL
KEEP IT SIMPLE AND SWEET LIKE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE IS NICE BUT HAS UPPERS IN IT DID YOU KNOW THAT I HAD A COFFEE I CANNOT DRINK ANYTHING NO ALCOHOL ACCFEINE CARFF CAFF FEIND
I'M NOT A CAFF FEIND
O MAN
I'VE GOT TO GO GO GO HELLO!!!!!!!11
I'm really worried about you Gleds, what have you been taking?:0
ReplyDeletethis doesn't last long.
ReplyDeletea few days.
get some rest.
akelamalu: black coffee, cigarettes and not enough drink probably
ReplyDeletei had none yesterday. sorry 1
2 today
it makes me FAR CALMER
but is not the root of the issue
because it doesn't start/stop doesn't even always dampen down
sometimes
seems to help so i still drink
on a declining basis
as i said i wouldn't do it
anon: thanks i have a horrible feeling this has been going on 20 years non stop basically
the way the guy was questioning me yesterday i realized there has really been either a considerable down or an up hardly any true normality for more than a single month in all that time
which is pretty depressing as if this is fucking manic depression it means it's
means its all the fucking time which is the worst type i feel really pissed off just thinking about that i am hacked off and tired and not into indulging negative thought then when i try not to especially not be anxiour i go far too fast i truly did someone's head in this morning as they phoned right in the middle of a bingbongtingtong session with a psychedelic church window in the middle i flashed right into the centre of concentric lines in my mind i was pretty UP UP UP UPUP ha ha!
laughing in ... rather trying not to laugh inappropriately. i'm not managing that one ha ha