I TOOK THE WONDERFUL SLEEPER as I said zopiclone WORKS no dreams like somebody said dreamless lovely sleep I was out for the count in not much longer than 35, 45 mins. It came on 17 mins after midnight by MOUTH that is quick you can tell zopiclone is coming on your mouth goes bitter.
Its now 0504 I've been up for half an hour with Nightscreen playing that piano track they used to that went for years now its back I want that one at my funeral that is me my life that tune.
Went NA last night for the higher power not that I HAVE THE HIGHER POWER I WANTED THEIR SERENITY. Power I have. Serenity I don't have. Togetherniess i need.
My Higherpower has done for me whatSid spent a lot of money on Ibogaine the miracle AFrican root IBOGA that trips you flips you not in psychonaut terms they call it something more specific a deliriant rather than a trip? Yeah it's meant to be a kind of waking dream where your issues come. Then you're clucking but only a bit. Most of the clucking is taken away. You are in no fit state to use. The igobaine works its magic and gear and the compulsion to use go awsy. Sid has money to do this because he WORKS.
How anyone holds down a job on gear.... you have my admiration.
How anyone holds down a job on methadone... that is alice in wonderland stuff so out of my league it mystifies me if I could have a job now I would love it. Supermarket lots of things with wheels on to move about an dgo in and lots of pots and pans and ings and ongs and pings and pongs and hello hello hello hello how are you how are you??! cutomer service?
why does everybody look at me like i'm deranged? HA DON'T ANSWER THAT ONE. RHETORICAL ONE THAT ONE
hey i got down the meeting i took a tube, i heard 2 shares 3 shares in this dark rooom the rest of the building was wonderful i had a good explore
i want to find a little old lady having a cup of tea in a cupboard
i want to find a magic bunny in the wall
i want to find a million pounds cash in the wall with my name and bank details attached MY MONEY
i need a pickaxe, a toothbrush, a teaspoon, something that if you scrape at it long enough i get into this wall and have a real good look i need something ha ha ha ha
sorry sorry osrry osryy round and round and in and out that is weaving could we weave together some light please and knit me a sweater made in stardust
that is what i want for xmas
summink good. summink cool. summink BRIGHT, SHINY, TRANSPARENT. BLUE WITH OTHER COLOURS PI-P-POPPING PSYCHEDELICALLY ALL OVER IT
lovely psychedelia those youtube rave vids are amazing that is my head
my head is a party
a part of a party
the party is in my head
i see the fireworks eyes closed
ha ha! i got a good one about furniture and buttons tell ya that one later!
gotta run have fun see ya WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WORLD
HELLO HELLO HELLO HI HI HI HI HI EVERYONE
someone please tell me how you are why all me me me this is boring i want to know how you are keep it nice and sweet "I am fine I went to x today" is enough for me please somebody leavea a message or has the universe gone empty? all the fireworks will go then
o man i need a wee i need what do i need?
WHAT DO I NEED?
now there's a sensible question. what do i need?
hi gleds
ReplyDeletei'm fine today but a little bit cold
off to work soon
(you did ask)
big love you
are doing fine
Lizzy :)
Gleds mate,
ReplyDeleteSorry I haven't been around for awhile. I hope you are getting the help you need. NA is there to help, at least they are trying. If they are not helping, then tell them why they aren't and how they can be. Be honest, what is there to lose. They say they are there for you - put them to the test. I want to tell you that God is there for you too. Take a step of faith and test and experience his faithfulness for yourself. If you need to talk more, send me an email. Lots of love, brother.
Hi Lizzie. Is it warm or cold today? I don't know and more to the point some to think of it have i taken my methadone
ReplyDeletewell fuck that one it's a toxin anyhow
Squirrel: erm....
what is there to lose from honesty?
them thinking i'm a complete nutter.
that's what
to be frank
they don't seem to get it, all think i'm using, don't understand the high is me high high hyper proper high not crappy drugs
WHY THE FUCKING HELL WOULD I NEED DRUGS TO GET HIGHER WHEN I'M ALREADY HIGHER THAN ... than most people who work in shoe shops.
know what i mean??
sorry to rant. the NA thing is becoming a bit of an issue but i'm coming back tomorrow night
actually hearing the chair might have been nice
Akk sorry Lizzie that all sounds a bit rude.
ReplyDeleteHI HI HI
I'm not going to say "good morning" more than once i'll turn into drum-banging woman...!!!
good earlier part of the day to you.
there said it again without losing identity
better leave it there
have a nice day :-)
:)
ReplyDeletedidn't think you were being rude just pre-occupied,
speak later perhaps
real pleased u slept good. i dint mean they gave everyone those dreams(soz if came across that way). that was my experience, i have strange dreams without them,but i was talking and acting them out on zoppis(according to partner at time)woke up 2 find either reginald or laddio has killed jak. (our robos) i cant beleive it they got on good 4 eight weeks. just been on several sites 2 find out y this might occur but it has and its v upsetting. bledy full moon. i need abag to numb that one and i aint gonna get one. meth and citalopram are not doing it 4 me at all. i cant get upset cus the kids r upset (off school) sorry i know this is not a help line. i used 2 ramble on thimking it prob dint get read or taken in, but after comment on dreams i realise maybe some of it does. u sounding a lot more "normal" those ears again. but like u say; comfort in madness. coming down is like any come down. anyway kids need me, what do i need?, who do i need? gotta go
ReplyDeletebuggalugz
ReplyDeletea hamster?
they can squabble robos can squabble
if they bite snd draw blood that's probably bad sign innit
todeath? that's bad
those dreams i used to get them off temazapam but only at the end after the benzoation wore off
yep lizzie preoccupied is a good word for it, hmm im a bit preoccupied. you know in shops its easier to point than talk much easier
i hope i got this right i have to come back later typical me to utterly miss a point
Hi Gleds, hope you're good. I'm fine, been busy at work and went to Manchester to see some old friends last night. Tonight has been nice and lazy, tomorrow I'll go to the gym. How're you feeling? xx
ReplyDeleteMan, something is really up with you, your entries have become really rambling and hard to understand, nearly incoherent. I do not say this to be insulting, I know it can be hard to be self-aware whilst in a manic state, be advised you really do sound a bit insane lately
ReplyDelete