2121 I feel very manic and very calm. Don't panic not manic not knot tied up in nots not tied up in knots a lot lot of knots parking lot mot MOT MOT is a car test here in the UK. Don't panic I AM MANIC I KNEW THAT I WAS MANIC WHAT THE HELL ELSE COULD IT BE WHEN YOU GO VERY FAST AND HIGH AND FEEL HYPER AND YOU WERE DEPRESSED BEFORE? Tomblike depression entombed. Do you know I thought if I committed suicide I might stay alive for ever cold in the rain as trains rushed past? That's what I thought. When I was suicidal. Ha! Do you know that is called a "symptom"? Being suicidal. I don't feel suicidal now. I feel upwards now. I wish I could cling on to the UP forever and ever and a day no way nothing lasts for ever. In my head I feel darkness and a light shining out like the first light of the first ever dawn. AND GOD SAID LET THERE BE LIGHT AND THERE WAS LIGHT AND GOD SAW THAT THE LIGHT WAS GOOD. It's very good. That's why I believe in God. Because God is all powerful and the source of all power. I only have power because God has Energy. God is Energy and God Is Love. I wish I could sleep in God's love forever. That's all I wanted to be held in the arms of God who made me.
2131 I am dreading taking the antipsychotics hypnotics erotics support polar molar bipolar manic depressive oppressive undressive go to bed undress with the rest in a mouse's nest be the best beat the rest no less press make a money press blue diamondslight light shiny bright light blue diamond light
did you know blue light wakes you up is that why i love the colour blue?
love you love you love you blue true blue
i can hear amazing music from the deer hunter theme and a jangly gangly gamelan sound going off in my head disco frisco disco biscuit digestives
2141 everything that i think of is transcendently beautiful how come everything comes at exact5 10 minute intervals i'm not faking the time the time is exact. i'm clearing up my mess with this manic energy. because i'm less manic than the very transcendent PEAK OF ALL HUMAN BEING everything doesn't explode around me like it does then did then now then one eternal loop of time because that time went out for ever
wow it is 2142 only one minute gone (feels like a long time) 2143 for me free to be me
2155 i feel so happy i am crying all the time thinking of New Jerusalem thats where i want to be. With God. In heaven on earth. New Jerusalem is the heavenly city descended out of the sky from God where we will all live one day. If you're reading this and don't live there then you're Eternally Dead so don't worry about it.
2159 59 time on line nine white lines straight ahead don't go red red or dead
blue i love you blue you you you u U U U U U U U U U
which is the most perfect letter? S or O...? Probably 0 because that's a zero hero zero hour rush hour RUSH HOUR POWER HOUR! HOUR HOUR HOUR FOR HOURS
2201 it's ten o'clock i should take my sleeping pill i don't want to antipsychoticrisperidone zone i have to take it i'm washing down zopiclona with black coffee
then wait an hour till 2300 and 2 risperidone ok i'm baiting my breath and doing it wish me luck
2303 MICHAEL JACKSON: LEAVE ME ALONE
this is the style of things i see when i close my eyes manic
no sleep comes!
high,
ReplyDeleteyes good luck wth 11 o clock meds.
like the stuff n italics earlier on.
Also the blue stuff.
Maybe use restrictive palette on your artwork (black/white/blue)any number of blues.
Hope u gonna put one (paintng)up on your blog (hate that word, blog) well perhaps not hate, thats a bit strong. If I start on one u wont get the good luck message in time!
I'm into drawing, not so much painting but love drawing.
been busy decorating room for stroppy for the last week but have kept up with reading your writings.
loved the photo of robos in the wheel.very honest of u not 2 take the credit for all those wonderful photos ;-)
well u got your title now
so u can relax?
I hope so, u seem/sound reasonably cheerful, up, high but not 2 high.
gonna go before i cant stop.
Take care and enjoy painting,
love
x
ps. reckon the "O" must be superior as its continuous and the form occurs so much in nature, but then on the other hand, the "S" is close to infinity and . .
ReplyDeleteI'm off night night ;-)
o yeah my wonderful photographs! Otherwise we would have 3 robos' faces piled one atopo the next like a pile of fur rugs...
ReplyDelete... yeah gimme some paint man! i'm going selfridges if i can't find anything better they do paint, i know it!
i'd already taken the risperidone at 22:50 HRS
i'd love to paint up my blog's colour scheme with light blue, dark blue and white, but cannot change this template; i shall have to pick a new template to perk up and not make it look like everybody's blog on that template. which i of all people should be able to do quite easily
yes O you're definitley right
ReplyDeletehey you got a message in the comments for the gear forum saying someone would like to correspond with you; the comment came through today so have a look at comments dated 27/2/11
I think at the moment you'd make a very interesting painting, Gled.
ReplyDeleteHang in there and make that appointment.
Janice~
Janice: paint a self portrait like that. Yes!
ReplyDeleteI was too far gone to do proper writing the only writing i could was in that style without spending literally all night possibly making it more of a hash!
Hi gleds, I hope you are getting into a routine with your new medications - try not to miss taking any of them*!*
ReplyDeletei did take it in the full dose last night and i dont feel horrible now
ReplyDelete:) good to hear that*!*
ReplyDeletei've taken it again!
ReplyDeletenearly forgot. it is midnight. i wonder if i'll sleep. i could sleep my energy has gone down, having gone up all evening (mood swing due to meds wearing off) ukk what a weird world we live in..! i think i would be crazy not to be crazy to be frank. not just crazy not to use drugs. can't see how anyone lives without one of the 2 or both. being crazy or being a junkie. don't get it. just don't get it