I don't know what was eating me last night, I got really upset in an odd mentalist way (not the way I used to feel upset before). Which doesn't make me feel good. I feel whatever went wrong is still going wrong but medication is blocking some of it out. That if I wasn't on those meds I'd be totally crazy.I'm not sure that's true but that's how I felt. I was really going into one. I had drunk 2 or 3 cups of tea and the caffeine seemed to disagree with me. I think I'm going to have to switch to decaffeinated. Tea is my way of avoiding alcohol, so it doesn't feel good to be avoiding it. Also I like tea more than cigarettes and THAT is saying something!
I didn't use heroin last night. I didn't even look for a needle. I don't need heroin.
What I felt last night was a desperation I do not like to feel. I wasn't "depressed" if I was anything I was going too fast and hyper. But my body was exhausted, so I slept eventually and slept for hours. Zopiclone (sleeper) and risperidone (antipsychotic) helped.
I woke up feeling calm and clear but this is the issue. I keep telling myself I'm OK then I realize I am not.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
I am definitely going to AA; I want their Big Book.
*******
PS: £200 in free bets? I was talking about this yesterday. I think I was getting wires crossed. It was £10. I played a £200 game in Fantasy Money. Dur!
I'm so glad you didn't use yesterday or even look for a needle but I'm worried about you. You sound so desperate m'dear. When do you see the doc/psychiatrist again?
ReplyDeleteI think it's Feb 24th I feel ill today physically exhausted i don't know what's wrong!
ReplyDeleteit was uncomfortable for me too - the casualty stuff
ReplyDeleteYou know what does my head in: if that's bipolar, I was far faster than she ever was. Far ore confused. No way could I have held down any sort of job, no matter how well trained I was. Unless I was boss and allowed to sing, dance and talk shit on the job... y'know
ReplyDeleteI some parts of some days I wasn't able to follow a simple onversation!
This is what did my head in the most. Whatever the fuk was wrong with me it was worse than hers. And I know rapid mood swings doesn't mean "mild" either. The whole issue is just a headfucker for me.
My antipsyhotics are disagreeing with me. I am going to have to try taking 2 at night as in week 1, rather than 1 daily 1 at night. I don't wanna be one of those neurotic patients who keeps rejecting my meds.
Surely it's ok to just take them nights, wait for my appointment in around Feb 24th and tell him then, rather than make an emergenct appointment. He kind of said I could make appointments with him for anything including sleep meds because I asked him outright who was first point of contact he said him not my gp.
I just don't want to be abusing the service, it's v much over subscribed, as you know...
anything meaning of course anything psychiatric!!
ReplyDeletei feel concussed and horrible now, never did before i can't handle that symptom i need something else i know it's the pills it phases in with teh first 3 to 6 hours after taking them
and i'm not drowsy either, not in the true sense, i know this because i scored valium today and managed to sleep in the afternoon which felt like real luxury
Lizzy, did you see that Amnesia House footage. Now THAT is a bangin' party.
ReplyDeleteNo crowds of saucer-eyed idiots staring into space.
No! Saucer eyed idiots jumpin about & throwin shapes. Ie a proper party!