A really cool email

I GOT A FIRST CLASS EMAIL earlier on. From the daughter of a murdered prime minister after a coup d'état in West Africa; she has $8.5 million US inheritance and demands MY ASSISTANCE to get it. I haven't done the reply yet for African email #2, when I get hit for dosh but I'm playing along. I think I will ask HER to help me with a small investment of 2kg best China White heroin plus a token payment of $4 million from the funds she already has. Thank you very much. And I don't promise to pay anything back. This is a donation I'm asking for, not a loan. Actually make it 10kg pure white heroin (brown will be returned by first post (ha! as if!!)) 10kg should last 10 years if you went at it in moderation. I mean I could easily use 2.5g+ in a day without a 10kg stash eating at my attention. At old purities that's 1000mg diamorphine. No wonder methadone wouldn't hold me! I really need 20kgs to be all right. Or 30. Or 40. See why I never went into drug smuggling?

I would never mule for anyone else, no matter how cherry-dripping the offer. Only for my own personal lifetime use. And it must be white H4. No brown crap.

No amount I ever brought over would be enough and I'd need an industrial trolley just to get it across the airport foyer. No way would I supply another with heroin. And I'd only go through countries with guaranteed death penalty for heroin exporters. I wouldn't expect anyone to believe my true story of why I was into heroin trafficking (to feed myself with the pure white heroin I brought back from Burma) which is why I won't get involved. I don't care about dying. I couldn't live with someone taking a lifetimes supply of heroin off me. That would kill me before any firing squad got round to it. (Firing squad with every gun loaded: my favoured method of execution.) If I ever got life in a foreign prison I'd demand a legal review for death. Or just pay someone else to strangle me. (And you think I'm joking? I've read a Thailand prison memoir! I know. Singapore is much better: you get death. As in China. They hanged/shot someone with bipolar disorder so China and drug smuggling sound very attractive to me.

Now back to my email, PLEASE any suggestions for choice phrases to go in. I must be just about believable and totally credulous. PLEASE HELP ME WIND UP SOME INTERNATIONAL FRAUDSTERS.

Please help. I have a west African princess at my disposal. How much should I ask HER for? Really it must be more than one million. Shame her "inheritance" is only 8.5 million US. I could do with 50 million UK myself. Need it to buy a house. Houses in London are VERY expensive. It must be double-fronted. Ideally Knightsbridge within 5 mins walk of Harrods. Or Mayfair, walking distance of Bond Street. Knightsbridge would be far better as Harrods is the best shop in the world. No racks and racks of boring women's clothing like the worst ones. Just stuff stuff stuff, really good stuff. Their hifi dept is second to none.

Now I must off: WIND-UP EMAIL IDEAS, PLEASE!

PS I'm getting a couple of free clonazepam later in the week ~ whooooh!

PPS I'm thinking of giving my medication a miss tonight. I could do with a little mania. I need to clean my house.

Anyway I don't see why I should take a fucking pill just to be half-sane.

MAMA MIA: DON'T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTIONS
doncha love that that blue bedroom wall?



EARTH SONG
I like the musical phrase when he sings "did you ever stop to notice?..."
that's "inspiration" in the notes



MJ: BLOOD ON THE DANCEFLOOR
I love the clonk-clonk in this




Illustrated: beyond-the-pale brown; proper white heroin. And that's a miserable portion of B they're putting in the little bowl: 7g IF THAT. Ukk.