Tonkie Ears Returns!

TONKIE EARS MY MANIC HOUSEMOUSE has returned. Scuttling amongst my possessions most of last night and rustling merrily away... Somewhere, deep under my bed, he found something particularly crinkly and loud to amuse him. Then he found something to eat and was nibbling voraciously away until well past sunrise. At last I saw him emerge, perky-eared and beady-eyed at dawn. He pinged off in the direction of the kitchen and hasn't been seen since. Probably he took his mousey anti-manic pills and has been luxuriating in a deep furry sleep ...

I've discovered some lookeylikey pictures of the tiny Tonkie Ears. Isn't he tiny and cute?

I've had enough of posting my confused feelings surrounding not using drugs, at least for now. I've only used gear once in the past week. It barely does anything when I do use it. While I cannot convince myself that using opiates is inherently "wrong" I do think it's wrong for me. For all the "medicating" I may (arguably) have done to myself, it's my belief that heroin puts a lid on happiness at best (hence the mood-stabilization aspect). At worst it leaves those enslaved to it in misery and squalor. And though there are treatments licensed and used for a minority in this country, and though they might have helped me a great deal if only they'd been made available, I'm more interested in getting off all opiates altogether than lobbying for better maintenance therapy which will only prolong my addiction. I don't see methadone dependency as any better than heroin addiction. I'm fretting already that my new clinic won't be willing to cut down my script steeply enough. I want a 1mg a day reduction ideally. I don't see that I'd feel a single milligram a day when I'm still on over a hundred. As my old pharmacist pointed out, you could spill one milligram and not notice it. So it's OFF OFF OFF for me.

The summer has been beautiful here in London. Sun is shining. The weather is sweet. It's high, high summer, like a Caribbean spring ... I'm thinking of investing in some of those self-tinting Reactions lenses. Only £70 for another pair of glasses. I could easily have blown that on gear, so what's the big deal..?

EastEnders' Cindy Beale is in Coronation Street (big news). I'm still at a dead loss over what to chuck out and what to keep in this Great Clearout of mine... Stuff is lying everywhere. I'm dreading moving house, yet I really want to go. Up up and AWAY as soon as humanly possible. Those are my goals. 100% drug-free and living somewhere nice. Then I can do something ... something amazing with my life. WATCH OUT CRUEL WORLD. You will pay for what you've done to me!!

(My memoirs; Valerie's memoirs... bookshops of the world will be groaning in misery wishing Gledwood was still on heroin and too mentally impaired to pen two coherent words together..!)

I hope y'all had a cheery cherry bakewell of a weekend...







Driving on drugs: methadone (with links to most other drugs).