HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!
Showing posts with label australia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label australia. Show all posts

Friday, January 21, 2011

From one international narcotics trafficker to another

VALERIE: "RESPECTIBLE" BOUFFANTED FRENCH MANICURED HOUSEWIFE SUPERSTAR DRUG SUPPLIER has been in touch with Anna Grace, her "international narcotics smuggling" friend. Here's the highly confidential prison email:


Valerie said...
CONGRATULATIONS on being back on drugs baby!

Anna my darling, I know you pull this piss-poor act so we all don't know your heiress lifestyle you actually pay for by international heroin importation (she supplies NYC with Colombian White Heroin the cow! Anna and I have come to blows. Rather gunshots between rapidly driving past cars) once or twice. Now we're best buddies.

Anna Baby could you see it in your heart to send us a coupla keys BEST QUALITY.

Thanks darling. I'll pay ya soon as this prison thing's sorted out.

Brucie's dealing dealing dealing away China White to Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Darwin, Wellington and Christchurch and everywhere in between. In other words that's all of Australia and New Zealand.

But we fell out big time over a little genital warts issue. As you might know.

That FUCKING BITCH DOWN THE MILK BAR.
That scummy cow. Now they're popping out here there everywhere!

Ho Ling seems to like them; something to nibble on. But that's her thing.

Me, I want them GONE!

See ya later baby. High on crack, me! Off me tits on China White!!!!

Out of the punishment block BACK TO REALITY

yeah baby!!!

PS explain how i can be on china white yet need your best colombian later. it has to do with me getting one up on that Bastard Bruce

take it EZ and don't wait too long to do something about rehab (if you're into that SHIT!!!!!)

January 20, 2011 11:39 PM

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Bowerbirds

If they were human they might collect beer mugs or stamps


There are 20 types of bowerbird


They collect anything that catches their eye: beetles' wing cases, bottle-tops, even deer dung


They arrange these outside the bower to attract a mate


Some even "borrow" clothes pegs (colour-co-ordinated, of course)


Bowerbirds come from Northern Australia and New Guinea


Some more traditionally minded birds prefer flower petals and blossom to plastic implements

DAVID ATTENBOROUGH:





Monday, March 16, 2009

Parrot in Past Life

I'M SERIOUSLY STARTING TO SUSPECT I was a Brazilnut-cracketteering plumage-be-ruffling parrot of some sort in a past life. Not only have I the capacity to eat entire tubs full of Just Brazils, hazelnuts, walnuts, assorted nuts, mixed nuts with- or without raisins, not to mention should-not-mention parrot mixes of all descriptions but I'm plagued by constant urges to shout randomized phrases in accents far north of my person parsonagges homelinesses. E.g. those from Ooop North. I.e. I'm rolling down't street and overwhelming urge seizes me to shout AYE YER NOT WRONG! I was in a shop just now and instead of prating "thank you" for 39p change I so very nearly exclamatorioed "YER IDLE! AND YER BLOODY BONE IDLE AT THAT!!" tut buzz-eyed shopworker!

This is a peculiar eccentricity that's plagued me my entire life through and I'm desperately wondering: does any of yers think it means I might have been a parrakeet in a past life?

I often get flying dreams and the urge to seize wooden furniture peck it wi' me sharp end and woodcracklingly wrench it apart with my humungous nutcracking beak.

And then the urge to talk vaguely comprehensible rubbish seizes me over and over. And please don't tell me I could have been a Minor Bird. Mynah birds are glorified linguistically fluent soft-fruit bingeing diarrhoea-full logorrhoeaic übervociferous GARDEN CROWS! Take my word for it; I've seen 'em wimme own eyes and there's nowt special about 'em. Parrots rule! Parrots rule roost! As yer've all seen in't Feathery Fridays, I do love Rainbow Lorikeets and Aussie King Parrots, but the intellibird I love most of all, as illustrated above is the HYACINTH MACAW!

ENJOY YER MC-CONTEMPLATIONISTISHONS...



http://hyacinthmacaw.org

THIS is such a shame: one of their best songs, yet already we see poor emaciated Freddie on the way out...



AND LAST BUT SO VERY DEFINITELY NOT LEAST LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

PETER KAY, KEN AND DEIDRE AND STARS! AMARILLO!!

THIS WERE ONE O'T BIGGEST HITS O'T 21ST CENTURI. I saw't documentary onnit yesterdi naarght and bloodi Northern Accent went raaght insaad mi hed agairn. This is track wot put bloodi parrot parroting inside me head again!


Here is documentary review link.

Here's special AYE YER NOT WRONG! link fer Akalemalu and t' other Northerners readin't blog, aye!



Saturday, March 07, 2009

Furry Friday on Saturday (#5 or something): HELLO POSSUMS!

...AS DAME EDNA WOULD SAY... Yes g'day to y'all. Today our furriness descends to the humble possum. Australia's finest. Yes I am plumbing an Australian "vein" (so to speak) because I nearly was born in Adelaide! How cool is THAT!! And if I'd been born in Adelaide, I surely would have harped on about how I "nearly was born in London". Yes the glass is greener in the Land of Gled.
Yeah man: it's a robo-possum!!
And don't you think their faces look like robos anyway?... at least a bit? I do...

PS This (do clickonit!)is why I want my bumbling fat-bum roborovskis to wear radio-controlled bumble-bee wings harnesses, to be set furrily bumbling about the great Blue Yonder... (how cute would THAT be..??!?)

Friday, November 02, 2007

Chistmas Came Already..!

CHRISTMAS HAS COME EARLY THIS YEAR! Hurrah! I have not one but two Queens' speeches for your turkey stuffin' wine-drenched argument-over-the-cranberry-saucey entertainment.

First there's the Proper Queen. Queen Elizabeth II's Xmas Message to Great Britain and the Commonwealth as watched by us limeys/poms as you call us at 3pm sharp, Xmas Day...

Second: the Queen of Wales's Speech. If you don't know that much about her, do tune in for all she can speak about is "me me me" (aren't actresses boring! To think: they're meant to spend their lives playing other people: and yet all they ever show any interest in outside that is their own over-tubby egos!)

I don't have much by way of further informations or anything so I'll leave it for now... enjoy!

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Great train news for Londoners:
Deutsche Bahn (the German trains co) is applying to run trains through the Channel Tunnel direct from London to Cologne ... (Berlin, please!)
Click for link 1
Click for link 2...

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Recipe Blog of the Day:
New House, New Kitchen, New Creations http://newhousenewkitchen.blogspot.com
Includes a shepherd's pie (cottage pie if you wanna be technical about it) recipe from America!

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Royal Protocol for Canadians

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Heartwarming news story of the day...
(Cairns, Queensland, Australia):
A doberman dog, newly acquired from an animal rescue centre only 4 days previously was in the garden with a 17 month old little girl. A king brown snake (3rd most venomous in the entire world) was slithering towards the infant. The dog obviously saw this and tried nudging the girl. Being under 2 years of age though, of course she was oblivious. When she failed to respond the dog grabbed the girl by the back of the nappy ("diaper") and threw her right over his shoulder and took the serpent's deadly strike himself.

Thanks to the wonders of modern medicine the dog was saved by antivenom.

The little girl's mother, who had witnessed this all from the house said "if I hadn't seen all this with my own eyes I'd never have believed it"!


Click here for the newslink.
Click here for newslink II plus cute picture of the little girl + dog...

Other news from Australia:
Burglar Possum Destroys Museum Exhibits.

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Gurgling green Halloween baby!

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Here are some of the most entertaining cat pictures I have ever seen in my life!

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Falling Out of Bed ...

I FELL OUT OF BED AT LEAST TWICE LAST NIGHT in a night of constant nightmares. Or, rather, one ongoing dream that was bad, bad, bad. Involving me, falsely accused of something (what? I can never remember what I was accused of afterwards.) That is my recurring dream. That and dreams about buildings that extend on and on and on with newer and more obscure rooms... Ayway, last night's "mare" encompassed all manner of strange repercussions involving a television screen. Were my supposed "crimes" flashing up on the screen? I remember being treated by everyone like I'd done something desperately wrong and been found out. I fell out of bed twice during the night - a consequence of dreaming whilst most probably "awake" to the outside world (of course I wasn't awake. I was sound asleep. But here this:) (People have very often tried talking to me in this kind of state. I remember once waking to a rant of Nutnut's: "I know you can hear me because your eyes are open!" Well I could, because that's what I woke up to hear her say! But how long I'd been lying there, eyes open blank and staring as she chatted on and on God only knows ... Even as a baby I had a strange proclivity for being able to sleep in the most "wakeful" of attitudes. My easily-panicked mother even took me to the doctor's over this. (Imagine what my earliest medical notes must say! And add that to the present ones. I was doomed from the outset!!) When Robert Palmer sang, "the lights are on; but you're not home" - in Addicted to Love, he might as well have been talking about me!!

I DON'T THINK THE DREAM had anything to do with the book I'd been reading. An Enid Blyton Famous Five (that's 2 links, not 1) number "Five on Kirrin Island - Again". O! I hadn't perused Enid Blyton for many years. Oddly, reading her novel through as an adult I couldn't help thinking "what good kids these are" and "how jolly posh they are," (especially).

("Oh do let's row the boat out to Kirrin Island, Julian!" exclaimed Ann. (Old Enid adored her exclamation marks!) And just like me, she faithfully records every scrap of food and drop of ginger beer consumed throughout the long, hot days of the summer "hols"...)

That stew was indeed lovely. Angeldust asked me whether I just ate the meat! Good question. No, the reason I was so enamoured by my pie steak (apart from the fact it was such a very good cut and so very tender) was that I never "grew up" cooking meat at all in my early 20s. I was semi-vegetarian. For years I cooked with vegetables only; eating meat if someone else preapared it for me or if it came in a ready-meal or pie of some sort. It wasn't till I lived with Nutnut that "proper cooking" (after all, I did always eat meat) was ever something I properly learned ...

Last night I went on a fantasia of a blog-hop; keyed randomly that "next blog" button at the top bar. Up popped something to do with Lavendar. From Lavender's comments I hopped from one blog to the other always saying hello (you have to leave a trail, that's half the fun of it!) The game stops when you eventually come across somebody's name or face that you recognize; which happened last night about eight blogs in: Annelisa who I know from Dan's famous 325-comments blog. (You think I'm exaggerating? Click on his name and take a look!) Aparently I'd left little messages saying "hello; don't I know you from somewhere?" about four or five times previously. So I do apologize, Annelisa. I have a terrible memory!

An Aussie lady called Merle got back to me this morning after I'd remarked to her that half my family's from Sydney and yet strangely I don't get many Aussie visitors to my blog at all. Which always kind of - well, not wrankles me but it strikes me as slightly odd. Because in the English-speaking world there are nearly as many Aussies as Canadians and yet I know quite a few people in Canada. The only Aussie (apart from Merle) I can think of would be Olive who is 107 years old, has a helper called Mike who keys in all her memories for her ... into what she insists is called a "blob"!! Anyway, Merle invited me to look down her Aussie blogroll, which I will do this evening. It would be interesting to meet some bloggers from Down Under.

The stew is slowly reheating again in readiness for more intellectual dumplings going in. And last night's lot certainly were. When I opened the lid the whole lot of them greeted me in a mosaic of Mon-Khmer languages!!

Righty-ho then, I'll be off

Gleds ...

I'd be most interested to hear of people's Enid Blyton opinions, childhood memories and so on. Were the "Five" ever "famous" the world over? Or any of her other works ... e.g. Malory Towers, Noddy, The Secret of Spiggy Holes... and so on ... (e.g. was she known in the United States and Canada?) I love Enid Blyton because she harks back to a more innocent era. One of her favourite words was queer. But she wasn't inferring anything about anyone's sexuality!! When I was a child many children's libraries claimed to have "banned" her books (which only inflated sales as parents obviously had to go out and buy 'em!) Enid Blyton was often labelled (though the term wasn't actually used back in the day) politically incorrect. Well I don't know what to say to that. What? Because all the children are white and upper-middle class? Are we meant to feel somehow guilty for still enjoying the stories. Personally, I think not.

I believe that her books have been re-edited for the modern age but that spoils half the fun ... Memories? Views, anyone? Please...

I'm most fascinated to know how her most English of books have been viewed and enjoyed (or otherwise!!) by the rest of the world ...


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DID YOU KNOW that microwaving water and feeding it to plants can KILL THEM STONE DEAD?
CLICK HERE if you don't believe me ...

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AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT I'm rambling on about Enid Blyton? Famuos Five? Etc etc. (There was also, incidentally a Secret Seven but compared to the Famous Five they were crap.) Click on my Secret of Spiggy Holes link. This is an early novel and one of her best. The review manages to encompass at least some of the atmosphere of Enid's dusty old smugglers' caves, secret passageways, cooks and butlers and mysterious foreign princeling-filled novels ...

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood