7:07 Entertainment

WOW IT'S ONLY 7 in the morning. It feels later. I slept for hours and hours because I took a whole load of methadone that was full of sugar (someone else's). It doesn't make me feel stoned at high doses, but it does make me sleep at night (not even during the day though, as heroin would).

Which is the crux of the methadone issue (because it's not like heroin) but Governments love it. (Because it gives outward signs of improvement.) Most addicts aren't willing or ready to improve that much and so methadone therapy is a waste of time. E.g. on the man who was willing to sell me £40 worth! His house is like a crackhouse. That's the place where everyone was rude. Everyone but him. He's OK. Gruff. But OK. Someone once said he was trying to intimidate me, but I don't feel intimidated by people like that. Who express how they are feeling. All they are doing is laying cards you already knew they had on the table. So dealing with them is easier.

Anyway I know a story about this one certain person that makes him out to be a Paper Tiger. I had another friend who was genuinely Hard and they came into conflict...

I don't particularly like the word Hard, when Strong and Tough describes somebody better. There's someone else I know like that and I respect him for it. Then people get to know me and call me "Hard" which annoys me. I also used to get called Cynical when I'm just normal in that respect. So people can be self-centred and nasty and I can see that. Ain't cynical: that's being realistic. It was when a heroin addict was banging on about how you "have to do stuff for your grandkids" and I was like "yeah once you've had a hit first" ~ and we all know that is the reality of heroin addiction. Once you've had your gear you're ready to Engage. Before that, no engagement can or will take place. And what little does comes with a whole slew of resentment. Forcing a heroin addict into meaningful activity before their heroin is like forcing a starving man to work before giving him any food. It won't make him like you.

Last night I put on Meet the Fockers again. My mood had fallen at about 7pm and I was pissed off. No longer manic but depressed. Manic depression. Doncha just hate it! I was particularly offended when my shrinko used those 2 words together in that phrase as if manic and depressed have to be 2 components of the same thing (but they are: I just hate it).

I was also very bothered and pissed off that I have schizophrenia. That is what schizoaffective MEANS. It means bipolar + schizophrenia and I know the schizzy bits in me. They are the bits that don't add up that I couldn't explain to another person. Like rooms in a house divided by bullet proof glass walls. Just because you can see into doesn't mean you're GETTING into or that anything gets out. What comes out is a report of that which is viewed not experienced. The experience takes place in that impregnable fortress of an experience-bubble. One day, to those of you who are interested, I will try and explain what is schizzy in me. Because I do think I grasp it. Just can't do it at 8 o'clock (as it is now) in the morning.

My roses are opening beautifully in their pint glass, especially one. The other has gone limp. I just cut the stem again. Now they look like Little and Large. Tomorrow I'm getting some Art Stuff to make my trotterdonkey Acrylic Paintings for my wall.

So this is now; that is then. I've got to go. Pizza and tea ready.


FRANTIC
i used to go to this club, it was nuts
and this is the sort of music i used to go eeeeeeing to: psychedelic hardhouse



these ones all have that unmixed compilation cd quality. a good dj would flash the next tune over the old one and dijjydit through so you're bouncing on the old one and then the E!-E!-E!-E!-E!-E!-E! energy of the new one takes you flying off....

HARDHOUSE MIX
stonkinstompin
but why the words? hardhouse = no words! CMON!!! i love the choon tho



CLASSIC HARDHOUSE 2 i love this one
what does this say to you, that squeaky word says all different words
squeakymunchtime diginmymind it's like a musical pill-dispenser
this one has words but the words are in the tune not outside of, that's what works better



this is what i've got. i have symptoms of bipolar schizoaffective disorder

NonSabatical Saturday: the red-yellow roses

0242 AKH I'M A MANIC MANIAC! I JUST TOOK my anti-me pills that stop me being myself. Sometimes that self is a bad self to be; other times it is a wonderful self. Tonight I feel wondrous. I feel like when I've done crack and hold on to my normal me as well as feeling high so I feel like a bungee rope stretching all whacky stylee. Does anybody know about art? I'm looking for 2x 2ft square, perfect square Daler boards to do Acrylic Painting on. I want to paint Simpsonesque cartoons for my wall. I want the decorations. I'm buying Rowney System 3 student colour acrylics, which are like melted butter in consistency, you can palate knife it on or water down, unlike Cryls Flow, which are waterier. I thought I'd go for more firmness to give the option. Only colour I have is carbon black with a permanence of *****5 stars which means a a thousand years in the sun probably wouldn't fade it. All the earth colours have ultra-high permanence. I'm buying the main primary colours in student colour or from the Pound Shop, if I can find them there. You can occasionally find Acrylic Paints in Pound shops. I don't know when I'm going to sleep I feel way too hyped up. Stupidly I had a cup of Cocaine Tea. That is tea with caffeine in it that makes me feel like I'm on coke. It's that strong, so I don't need "real" drugs of any kind, caffeine knocks me that far out of it, on top of my mania Real Drugs would send me stratospheric and I quite appreciate One Foot On The Ground. (My psycho-balletic move.) I'm not posting this till far later as I want some time to mull before posting everything about myself online. I hope you appreciate this is deeply personal to me. You are inside my own personal headspace, so Feel Privileged. I won't let just anyone in here, ha ha ha ha har!

03:44 I LOVE THE TITLE "GURN TIME" THIS IS GURNING:



i like Raving Pensioner in the green scoutmaster top with black hat, shame you can't see his eyes to see whether he really is on E. Looks like it though!

and i love smiley swaying permy haired girl in black cardie on white top who looks like she's just knocked off a shift in an office job, to me she is HardCore Raver, she's what rave was all about, shiny, happy people (holding hands)



0442 I'm going to try sleeping but eyes closed the most fantastical manically changing imagery plays out it's really fast and really weird, leadless figures springing out of plants I can see spiral in this screen behind the letters here in the screen, spirals, vague but there. Eyes closed the imagery is bright and brilliant. My head is lit up from the inside!

0540 How come I seem to be posting on the hour. That's unconscious that is but Im not i'm fully conscious. I am fraid of going to sleep bc my head too full of pictures I don't want to watch them. i went for a walk and realized i was hyped up and was nearly dancing on the street. ukh! no. don't do that people will think you're on drugs. i just wish i could have some sleep; i'm going to try sleeping with the light on but the lights so burning bright

shit its only 0542 2 minutes feels like a lot of time

0554 someone on the street just called out my name loud i'm going outside

0616 i realized it was an "auditory hallucination" (probably) before I got out but i was in a nosey mood anyhhow. the birds are singing amazingly. i found 2 red-edged yellow roses which i took home, unwrapped, clipped short and put in a glass of sugary water (that's what you're supposed to do yeah?) 0626 no lemonade available. i heard you stand roses in lemonade and water them with cold tea and sprinkle coffee grounds on them? is any of this true? i love red red roses with strong perfume, that's what i really love but yellow ones opening out with little perfume will do me fine. who knows they may develop fragrance as they mature..? i heard flowers pick up new fragrance every day. perfumiers harvest in the morning and can only collect one day's fragrance by picking and killing the flower. which is a shame. you could make a fortune by inventing a machine to "milk" flowers daily of their essence. the perfume industry, which has fields of flowers around Grasse in France, would go crazy for that. you can do a degree in parfumerie there, imagine that a BSc degree in fragrance, i can already speak french well enough to live in france so i could do that course

0622 thank God: only 2 hours till i can go out get my gloopyjuice from the chemist that leona lewis song does my head in with a voice whispering at the beginning (check it on the sidebar) right at the start it does it. tell me if you disagree.

0632 i've just had a headfucker thought but i can't put it down as i dont trust you, dont trust anyone and i'd have to xxxx for xxx if you found it out.... so dont find it out!

i wish this fucking chemist was open now i have one sleeping pill i'm not using until i really need it. i need to contact my friends a certain couple who stopped arguing in front of me because it upset me so much i said "you shouldn't have said that" when he said one shitty thing to her and my saying that made her cry and i thought "you shouldn't have said that" (to self) but my words WORKED: now they don't argue in front of me

0639 stupid thing just went and PUBLISHED when i pressed return so here we are... one totally unfinished post out in the public domain... the deer hunter music is playing round and round in the background ... sublime

0650 if you watch that fantazia video, just after smiley happy office girl there's a wide eyed guy (27 seconds into it) in a grey top he looks like me on E: totally bugged out! my pupils go so enormous you cannot see my eyes are actually BLUE not BLACK..!

0847 I'm going to try and get some sleep; should be easier with broad daylight against which to backdrop. The nighttime makes me hallucinate too much

$600 Million for 2 Paintings, Anyone?

These are the two Titian paintings the evidently cash-strapped Duke of Sutherland is asking the National Galleries of England and Scotland the "cut price" of a mere $200 million for the pair, a mere third of the expected commercial auction value...
Top: Diana and Actaeon...
Bottom: Diana and Callisto
By the way, I used to think the painter's name was pronounced "Titty-Ann". I was wrong. The BBC say "Tishn". So there!

BLUE CROSS DOG RESCUE

These TV ads are really sad (what an excellent actor Wilfy is though!)



Park action:
Yesterday I saw a real live fight between a magpie and a squirrel!!!

OK I admit this is not it, but a more dramatic version (let it get going)...



GUMBY TRAILER

This purloined from Lu's blog... real surreal... reminds me of that BBC kiddies' TV superstar of the claymation, Morph... anyone remember him?



THE INTELLECTUAL MEANING OF "GLEDWOOD"!!

What Gledwood Means

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

... and who'd have guessed all THAT? (Where on earth they summoned that crap from I've utterly no idea at all!!)

(Crap? Actually it's complete horse****.)

ABSOLUTELY ENORMOUS IRAQUI "!CAMEL SPIDER"

This came from a feature in the Sun newspaper "Afghan Mega-Spider Killed Our Dog". A desert camel spider. This has to be thee most pantspissworthy creature I have ever had the misfortune to set my eyes upon. The legs exceed human palm size, the body is far larger than my roborovski hamsters. After seeing the video below I spooked myself so badly with the thought of one running up my sleeve I actually had to stop in the park to publicly shake out my jacket. Yes! I got eebyjeebies that bad!!¬

This m*********r is ENORMOUS... yes that is a REAL SPIDER

WHAT AN UKKKY THING!!!