I HATE SUNDAYS! I SURELY DO!! ... So I stayed in bed as late as I possibly could, which involved sleeping about 12 or 13 hours till past two in the afternoon ... I know everyone's dissapointed with me because I "slipped" yesterday ... maybe it says something that I posted it quite unawares of the fact 1. that I had slipped or 2. what anyone would think about it... this situation has been ongoing for such a very long time with so many repetitions that it's no longer any surprise or letdown or shame to me to be doing what I always was doing despite the best intentions (at whatever point in time before hand) to change my ways, to be doing otherwise.
THAT is why they wanted me to think about rehab again. Though I'm not keen on the thought of going somewhere to do what I should be able to do for myself ... if I can't then rehab remains the only option ...
***
DIDN'T really do anything of interest except had Sunday lunch at my friend's house. It's got awfully nondrinking nonsmoking there (but still drugs on occasion, not that they had any there) ... I had to go in the back garden for a simple cigarette... I'd even like to give up those; but one thing at a time. I always thought it was best to give up cigarettes first if I could as I've seen so many clean addicts absolutely chained to the nicotine as their last vice and luxury (though I suppose "luxury" is an odd way of seeing it ...) And what exactly do cigarettes do for anyone anyhow? They're barely mood altering. The tiniest little lift ever accompanies dragging on a cig ... Well stopping is going to get easier as smoking is to be banned practically everywhere from this summer. Even phone boxes have signs in (that I originally took to be a joke) "it is illegal to smoke in these premises" ... (well it will be) ...
ho-hum ...
Whatever I do I will keep you updated ...
Hey Gledwood . . .
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked the Warriors of the Rainbow video. Post it all you like . . .
When you get a chance, go back to my blog and read the very first post back in archives. It tells my story . . .
I'm a fellow alcoholic, addict, chemical dependent. Never got to needles or rock, not because I wasn't headed in that direction, but because I got my ass handed to me and hit by bottom beforehand. I was pretty much into percs and powder, washed down with copious quantities of beer and some xanax to sleep when the party was over. I relapse in my head every day, but somehow make it through with prayer, tai chi, sitting meditation, and a meeting.
I know where you're at. Keep talking about it. Keep sharing. Keep working through it.
We're seekers. We just have to figure out how to achieve peace, balance, and serenity without the instant gratification and eventual ass-whooping of drugs and alcohol . . .
You know where to find me . . .
Gledwood,
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're swirling in uncertainty. Even if you don't like the idea of rehab, it may offer something that you can't get on your own. We all have our struggles, sometimes it takes going outside of ourselves to get inside ourselves and put ourselves back together.
Change is difficult at first, but once you do it, the dark clouds separate and you see through the heavens. But you have to really WANT to change. If you really want to change, the people will be there to help. Remember Fields Of Dreams? "If you build it, he will come."
Be well.
Thanks everyone!
ReplyDeleteShaman I've not seen your 1st post yet but will go... Pi keep matriarching like the best of them ... and Alexys thanks for the support
Ok, this is not meant to offend but to amuse:
ReplyDeleteTips: Irritate the shite out of anyone that will give or sell you drugs, shout at them embarass yourself in front of them, hey, walk around with a t-shirt that says ' I got drugs off them [arrow]. If you can't stay away, make sure they do (sociopathic tendencies are appalling, but here they help). Forget your pin number, then you can only use cards. Move somewhere where you know no users, this may mean leaving your friends for a while bu it is something you need to do. Keep active. Even if it is dancing for hours on your own in your room. Sometimes it is boredom, and not some deep soul-searching is what gets you into it.
I'm struggling with the cigs, and occasionally I still have one too many drinks, but no more need for booze and drugs. It is a constant battle, one which I have seen many people lose. One day at a time and don't wallow if you slip, punish yourself with exercise (just exercise, nowt else, mind)
Good luck. Enjoy life with your eyes open and your brain functioning.
Hello Gledwood. Thought I'd pop over as you asked nicely. I'll be giving you a read tomorrow whilst I pretend to do some work!
ReplyDeleteCheers
Hi Gledwood, it was nice of you to comment on my blog. It sure was funny to know how you got there :) Sorry for only answering now.
ReplyDeleteAll the best
Chuana :)
It's past midnight your tiome, I hope you got to some sleep without your fix. Not sure how you stumbled on to my blog, as I only see two blogs on your sidebar that I read, but I don't comment on them.. Very rarely do I comment on mental health or sobriety, I like to keep my blogging as light and humourous as possible (though occasionaly I rant). I see enough struggle of both diseaeses everyday in real life. But I do read those type of blogs.
ReplyDeleteGood wishes on getting clean and staying clean. Remember it's easier to stay clean than to get clean. Sometimes you have to give up the drink as well to get the drug addiction kicked. either way you can get off the elevator at anytime..you don't have to take it all the way down. though most people do. *shrug* It's your choice.
hey, feel no shame here. Your honesty is refreshing and it's an ongoing process, not an immediate thing. I think you're on your way and noone should expect that this will happen overnight.
ReplyDeleteJust keep trying, that's all. We're behind you. :)
i really don't think anyone is in a position to be 'disappointed' unless they too have been hooked on smack and understand exactly what its like to try and get clean.
ReplyDeleteit's really not that simple - if it was, i doubt anyone would be addicted to anything.
Allen Carr's quit smoking theory is interesting - i often wonder if it applies to all addictions. just substitute the word 'heroin' for nicotene. sounds like it could be a similar theory...
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ReplyDelete