MONDAYS ARE NOT EASY DAYS! I associate Mondays with blitzing out as much as possible. Finally I (should) get to an NA meeting tonight... just as long as I can double-confirm what time it starts and that it is indeed still on there...... I've not been to NA in years, never did the programme but did "keep coming back" enough and get genuinely serious enough quite some time ago to actually sort myself out with a sponsor.
The sponsor was more enthusiastic than me about my getting clean and somehow the tide turned, a powerful and inexorable feeling, if you ever have fought an actual physical tide that's just how irresistible it felt in the end... then he fled every meeting he felt likely to meet ME in and has never been seen since! His number is somewhere in a long-defunct old mobile-SIM so I've no idea whatsoever how he is. I just hope he still is clean as he had a year's clean-time when I knew him and that must be two-and-a-half years ago now!
Something I realized during my "awakening", and what got me the all-time worst was just how intensely dead so much of me had become. "Spiritually bankrupt" is another way of feeling towards the same meaning. It's not easy to explain as most of what I succeeded in posting here described in glass-half-full type terms what I'd succeeded in saving of myself from the grinding spiritual death of such intensely powerful and all-encompassing addiction...
Death does not speak, does not feel to reach out and even try. Death, being a state of utter unknowing could not say much even when the living portion wakes up enough to realize just how dire things have become. What is there to say about death. Death is nothing and (I know, anyhow) ~ as the Bible says: "the dead know nothing"...
Slowly I'm trying to get back in touch with people but that is not easy in small tranches of time so please don't be offended when I don't get back to you. It's just because I'm spiritually dead... OK excuses excuses but... y'know~??!?
PS: in response to 2 of yesterday's comments, 1: the trotterij is still fine (I think that is Dutch for "trottery"; at least it sounds that way... & 2: I cannot be sure which bridge features in the Coldplay video but the view somehow reminds me of looking due South from the one nearest the Tate (oldschool) Gallery near Pimlico tube...
Well NA is a start Gleds. :)
ReplyDeleteIn a spiritual sense Gleds perhaps we need our little deaths to make room for new growth, sounds pan I know but from experience I feel its true, so very often Ive hung onto things that were well past their sell by date in the hope of changing them, situations, ideas about myself, my past..........not easy to make changes I know when sometimes youve been in a place spiritually for so long but it does happen......some may call it being reborn but for me its was all about trying out the new instead of sticking with the old, believing I deserved it.......as you once said relationships can sometimes be like an addiction and the way I related was like one too...lots of painful learning but oh so worth it.........Upwards and onwards with N/A hopefully. You may find yourself in the position of helping someone in your place one day....Clean, healthy and happy are what I wish for you..xx Auds
ReplyDeleteHi Gleds hope you managed to get to the NA meeting.
ReplyDelete... good to see you posting again *!*
Wise words from Audrey. Take the little steps and then worry about the big strides. Break down those walls and build yourself a new envrionment. It'll be work, it'll be hard, but what's more worth it than saving your own life?
ReplyDeleteTake care.
How did the NA meeting go?
ReplyDeleteI sometimes don't quite know what to say, or I feel I haven't really got anything I can say. On those occasions I leave good wishes and warm thoughts. I loved Audreys comment...
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I'm not loving the new Coldplay album, but this is an opinion from a women who has just bought two tickets to go and see Kylie.... perhaps I should go now. ;o)
Great move Gleds, even thinking about attending is a start. Baby steps. Hope you managed to find where the meeting was held and maybe you'll get a sponsor with some stickability this time. Not keen on Coldplays new album although it does render me sleepy and that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteHope you made it to the NA meeting and if not - there is next time! I'm happy you're posting again :)
ReplyDeleteHey Gled, glad to hear that you're doing NA. Hope it clicks this time. Cheers,
ReplyDeleteHi Gleds,
ReplyDeleteI'm very proud of you.
That's a big step, keep at it and don't get discouraged.
Janice~
How was it mate? Did you go to the meeting?
ReplyDelete"Trotterij" ain't Dutch as far as I know. I can see why you think so though. I don't think I've ever said that word in my 34 years of Dutchness hehe.
I hope you made it to the NA meeting. I'm sure we'll hear about it if you did. You're moving forwards, one little step at a time. It's good :)
ReplyDeleteGood to see you posting again. Hope you get things back together again.
ReplyDelete"Except a grain of wheat be planted and die it cannot grow..." or something along those lines. All personal growth involves some dying somewhere.
You are in my prayers...
Does anyone know how he's going?
ReplyDeleteYou'll make it in the end. You'll see.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, Gleds.
ReplyDeleteInner dialogue...don't you just hate it? Never mind, Gleds, just hang in there and you'll gradually come alive again.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
You've just described how I'm feeling gleds...spiritually dead. I'm going through an awful time with the ex as we're FINALLY going to sort out financial aspects of our marriage breakup that we've neglected to do all these years. Suddenly he wants to disrupt my life and take half of what I have and it's left me scrambling. I hate lawyers, appointments and any kind of controversy so I haven't been around. Doing a lot of bike riding and mentally trying to sort it all out. It's going to feel good to finally be free of him but it's also scary to pull the weight of everything on my own.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, enough about me - just felt I owed you an explanation as to why I haven't been around. I'm spiritually dead (too).
NA is a good plan gleds. Anywhere you can get support will help steer you in the right direction. Hang in there.
:)
@ trotterij...I'm with Vincent. I even looked it up on several wordlists..
ReplyDeleteAs far as half-empty glasses, remember you can fill em up!
I hope your meeting went well and you can find the strenght to go forward.
Great now I will have that Bangles song running through my head the rest of the day!
ReplyDeleteI am struggling with returning to Church. I want to go, but things keep getting in the way. Er, I LET things get in the way.
Resurrection ain't easy. You have my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThinking bout you and the robo's Gleds,sending you some encouragement think Im one of those who promised to buy your book............dont forget to write it.....xxx Auds
ReplyDeleteI DID go to NA it was quite good though of COURSE I managed to miss most of the 1st part...
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the messages. I will post more about NA next time!
Gleds great to hear that you made it to NA :-)
ReplyDeletenice info bro keep posting
ReplyDeleteSAVE THE ENVIRONMENT