I THINK I MAY HAVE COME UP WITH a more positive way of viewing former abortive attempts at staying off heroin (not going cold turkey (though I did try that once) but by sticking to prescribed methadone). Rather than seeing these as failure (no matter how politely worded, that is how I saw it), perhaps what I have been doing is flexing muscles I have got used to not using. So each of these tries, you could say, is practice or even a dress-rehearsal for when I do it for real...That's about all I can come up with positive-thinking wise.
Other than that I've been trying to distract myself by scrawling in a "reporter's notebook" and writing in a posher hardback notebook with "secret diary" squiggled in shorthand inside the cover... my one worry being that, with the battles I have to decypher my "outlines"... whatever I write in there may stay secret even from me!
PS Please God don't let me turn into a cleaned-up junkie equivalent of the man illustrated... you meet people enough like him at NA...
That's the spirit! If at first you don't succeedd......
ReplyDeleteI'm sending you lots of positive thoughts and oodles of Reiki to help you and keeping my fingers crossed for good measure. x
Re: your comment on my blog about smack obsession - the tar that I get is straight out of the slums of Guadalajara Mexico by way of El Paso, Texas. Sometimes it is hard and sticky like black roofing tar, other times it is just black and hard with a strong vinegar smell. I often wonder what kind of shit I am putting in my veins but usually not for long. I would love to try some of that gear you get over there across the big pond. Thanks for reading and I hope the 'done is working for you.
ReplyDelete1. thanks Aka
ReplyDelete2. Noa: ooow Mexican tar... never knowingly had that... once some stuff like toblerone dark went round i wondered whether that was it, then i saw a pic of mexican tar which was glistering i've never had shiny gear...
anyway enough! i'm trying to put a clean head on... wonder if i can get a transplant somewhere ~ hey i bet some person even pooer than me from the 3rd world would sell me theirs...
;->...
Excellent resolution Gleds. Baby steps as usual. Methodone works . .I've seen it happen and with someone who's carried a 25 year addiction. He's now off everything and guess what . . has met a woman, moved away from his squalid quarters and is holding down a full time job.
ReplyDeleteI don't care if you look like the muscle man . . .do whatever works for you. Happy new year! It's NYE here today. The sun is shining and all is well with the world.
Whoa! Good morning! That photo freaked me right out. LOL
ReplyDeleteBaino: yeah but i don't want to look or mentally be like THAT no please no way!!!!
ReplyDeleteNicole: hey it's 5 to 9pm here but i get the message... i often do watch "world business report" on bbc tv at 4am thinking "it's already afternoon in Australia and Singapore" with a huge twinge of jealousy which has a lot to do with LOATHING being awake in the middle of the night and all. ugh anyway that wasn't sposed to be the rant it turned into Hi NICOLE!!
Right honey your wish is my command, here we go....
ReplyDelete1 butterfly, 2 butterflies,
3 butterflies, 4 butterflies,
5 butterflies, 6 butterflies,
7 butterflies, 8 butterflies,
9 butterflies, 10 butterflies,
11 butterflies, 12 butterflies,
13 butterflies, 14 butterflies,
15 butterflies, 16 butterflies,
17 butterflies, 18 butterflies,
19 butterflies, 20 butterflies,
21 butterflies, 22 butterflies,
23 butterflies, 24 butterflies,
25 butterflies, 26 butterflies
27 butterflies, 28 butterflies
29 butterflies, 30 butterflies
31 butterflies, 32 butterflies
33 butterflies have landed in your backyard.
xxxxxxxx
woooooooo!!!
ReplyDeletewhat I meant by surrender is this. You give up the fight, the battle that we constantly find ourselves in as alcoholics/addicts. We begin to sincerely ask for help. We begin to do what we are told by the people who have been there before us. We accept our disease and TRULY want to stop the madness. We want to become and stay clean more than we want to get high/drunk. It has worked for me since I was able to surrender and accept my alcoholism. I wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteoh and thanks for your comment and compliment on my pic. LOL. When we took this pic I SWORE I would NEVER show it to anyone. LOL. Now its my default here...go figure. It was a fun day, a sober one too, just being goofy and someone snapped it lol.
ReplyDeleteWhere did you find that old photo of me?
ReplyDeleteI think it's worth trying to stay of the heroin longer and longer.
QUEENEE: thanks for that i THINK i get it a bit more. i've been to na a few times over many years and grasped most concepts pretty well but "surrender" still defeated me. and still does as you can see by reading me blog...
ReplyDeleteVINCENT: old foto? dur. right I see. man are you telling me you're a recovered steroid addict..???
Dear Gleds ~~ That post was a good one and I am happy to see you are thinking seriously about getting clean. You have all the support of your blogging friends, me included
ReplyDeleteSo do try to get by with just the methadone. And for goodness sakes don't aspire to look like THAT picture. I enjoyed reading the posts I missed and hearing the Queen's Christmas speech. Thank for that, and thanks for your comment and wishes for 2009. I
would like to wish you the very best of good wishes for the New Year and maybe this could be your year. and you can do it my friend.
Love, Merle.
Thanks Merle! & I hope you had a v merry time at "yule"tide
ReplyDeletexx
Nah, I was just kidding :-) I don't like steroids.
ReplyDeleteHey Gledwood. I wish you every success in getting of the heroin. Many people function very successfully on methadone and I hope you will be one of them.
ReplyDeleteMay 2009 be a very good year for you Gleds, wishing you all the best.