I SPENT THE ENTIRETY OF LAST WEEK feeling good enough I actually thought, Depression is gone; it is a thing of the past ~ and how ridiculously over-confident I was getting. I won't dare say what I'd planned on posting this morning.But no. No depression is far too good to be true. So after a series of wobble-wobbles, several half-baked resolutions (that now sound too naive to print) and a severely disrupted sleep cycle I wake up this morning in sickness and misery and WHAM! it's all come back. I must've slept 16 hours out of the last 24. I feel physically ill. I don't think this is at all interesting; personally I am bored to death by my own life, but this is what's happened so it's what I have to say.
I'm sorry. Please check out the blog by Louisey at http://louisey.wordpress.com/. She just mentioned someone who said that they were bored with their life.
ReplyDeleteI will look, but I'm not bored. I have 3000000 things to do but neither NRG nor the requisite enthusiasm :-<...
ReplyDeleteor maybe my face should look like
ReplyDelete:...-<
Is it the Easter holiday maybe? You don't say much about your family. Anyway, hope it is just a temporary down - we all have them or at least I do.
ReplyDeleteIt's not Easter. It just feels like a nasty moodswing. I'm TOO vulnerable to them, that's why I have to see a shrink.
ReplyDeleteMood swings...not nice, Gleds. Go and offload onto your shrink...that's what he/she's there for. Hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteI never actually remember I am a manic depressive (I guess thats the whole downer about mental illness, eh? The person never seems to think they have one) and I suddenly get really positive and happy and think "yes! this is it! i feel great, i don't want to take heroin, i'm going to do this, going to do that..." and BAM! i am cruelly back where I was previously, neigh-on catatonic and wanting to jump off the nearest highest bridge. It happens so often but never fails to be equally as devestating.
ReplyDeleteMy Momma recently got back from America & Canada and while at Niagra Falls she purchased me this little bottle of "goose hot sauce" (its not goose, just a name) and it is so unbelievable spicey. I thought of you when I put it on my salad tonight as I read your piri piri bit (I love nandos and I buy the sauces from Sainsburys to add to my chicken at home). I wish you could try it, delicious. I am glutton for punishment and all I tend to eat is spicey stuff- phaals, vindaloos, a madras if I am on a date and don't want to sweat profoundly in my partners face (hang on, im lying, ive never had a date so replace that with friends). Geez, and I wonder why I have a stomach ulcer. Pffft. Hamsters, its my twin nieces birthday sunday, I had hamsters growing up (in those funky rotastax that were red and yellow remember em?) we are getting one each for the kids. can't wait to have a little hammy. Tales from the riverbank, remember? Loved the old black & white ones. christ, i rambled more than you wrote in your post!
Hello Mr. Gleds~So whats the holdup? Go see a shrink! Dammit..Have you set that up yet? Don't mean to be all bossy(yes I do) but I just want you to be better, and you can be-you know this. Hell who hasn't been to a freakin shrink, its all the rage! You should give it a whirl my friend, it has done wonders for my family. Take care!
ReplyDeletePussinBoots: I don't HAVE an official shrink yet, but should hopefully have one soon. Providing I don't slip through the holes of the so-called Safety Net yet AGAIN..!!
ReplyDeleteNaomiC: literally manic-depressive in the "bipolar disorder" type way? If so were you like that before heroin? Has heroin/methadone had any mood-straightening effect on you? On me it's tended to act as a blanket. I used to get regular mood swings up as well as down BEFORE heroin, they have practically gone away until very recently... I never got a bipolar diagnosis btw. For one thing I scrupulously avoided mentioning anything hyper, frantic, agitated or manic sounding to any of my doctors!!!
Rotostaxx! My childhood hammies lived in one (in series not together I can't imagine the infighting amongst reclusive Syrian hamsters which were the only kind on sale in the late 70s/early 80s... then my step brother dug out the cage nearly a decade later when we were in a huge old house running alive with mice. Humane traps caught the furry swines and a rotostack cage housed 'em. That's where I got the expression "swines" from as they looked like little piglets running that wheel all together...
Queeneenee: Well I've been assessed by the Operative (nurse) but things took a rocky turn when I quite innocently described detoxing cold turkey and fcking busted myself for getting MANIC during the detox. One thing you must realize is heroin addicts never detox in mixed company or the company of other addicts who could bring them drugs. So I've never actually SEEN another person go sick. But HAVE heard stories about "lying in bed for a week" ~ something I cannot relate to at ALL as I was so incredibly agitated, distractable and hyper it was unreal. Now this and certain other experiences are pointing to the dreaded bipolar again so I spose I have to fess up. Which makes me want to procrastinate going even MORE, know what I mean but thanks for the support it is highly trendy to be mad these days so hey ;->...