SLEEP. My sleep has been abysmal. At best I can sleep a few hours. Or go all night and half the next day ie going to bed 24 hours from when I last woke up. So I got some zopiclone and took one in the early afternoon. I don't think I've ever taken a pill to sleep at this time. I thought I might sleep a couple of hours but I slept about hours and hours, probably 10 or 11 hours.
It's now past 3am. But I woke up feeling OK, like I could focus and concentrate and maybe even read a book.
I gotta go methadone clinic tomorrow. No choice. Gotta go. I hate going because the last few times I was high and caused great amusement. Talking to everyone. Being friendly. High on nothing.
I can't bear to walk in there as my normal boring self now. But I have to have to no choice have to. Hate being a methadone addict. It's not as bad in some ways as being a heroin addict. You don't wonder what the dose is going to be like strength-wise as you never feel it.
Heroin barely feels like anything, even when I took grams of it I never felt more than hot and chilled out. Which is strange as withdrawal literally makes you feel burning hot and freezing cold at the same time. Which is strange as apparently ancient (non-Biblical) descriptions of hell give a very similar account of simultaneously burning and freezing.
I want no drugs. I wish I'd never tried a single one.
Hey I feel alive alive ALIVE!
MICHAEL JACKSON: CHILDHOOD
Sound like you feel more 'normal' now Gleds and that's a good thing yeah?
ReplyDeletei hope so, i've been sleeping and sleep makes normal
ReplyDelete(i now know!)
hi,
ReplyDeleteyes u sounding a lot better. I know what u mean about not wanting to go. . .
somedays i go chemist (well everyday ) but sometimes i start chatting away in there 2 the woman about everything and nothing and i can hear myself and I think thats enough now stop, but i cant stop. then days like today i go in and hope 2 God its real busy so they wnt have time to talk. but i reckon they expect me to be a bit like that now.(predictably unpredictable)
its interesting how u say "i cant bear to walk in there as my normal boring self" How do u work out which is u? I tend to think im being normal when im chatting, laughing etc, "high" as u call it as thats fits in more, and then get stressed about going in as a miserable, paranoid, jumpy version of myself. I have no idea really who I am. and have given up trying to find out ;-)
good days and bad days.
hpe today is good with u.
catch yer later
x
Glad that you are getting some sleep. Hopefully, more calmness and sleep will come.
ReplyDelete