Drugs Required

I THINK I NEED MORE HEROIN. Surely it's better to be sleeping on the A, S and D keys, producing nonsense, than tapping in adda-gaggas because I'm fully awake and going into Shamanic Heaven. If I could stay in Shamanic Heaven I'd willingly stay there but I always come down down down so why go up. Only other therapy that comes to mind is Glass Therapy but it gets sharp bits all over the floor which I then tread on and that ain't the point. Accidentally cutting an artery, that's the point.

Some bastard is insisting on coming round tomorrow and I just want to go to bed. I need some drugs to push me under. I hate sleeping without pills and I don't see why I should do it. I'm avoiding risperidone on principal it's antipsychotic and I never was psychotic.

Mediums and prophets hear voices, they ain't mad and neither am I. I'm dropping all quasi-medical terminology from now on as it seems to cause gross confusion and make you all think I believe I'm ill. I only think I'm ill when I am actually ill. Which hasn't happened for weeks.

I was watching the Aviator yet another film about somebody the world considered mad. He does what I do, says the same stuff over and over. Nothing wrong with that. I only do it when I'm thinking. Or not thinking.

I wish I could sleep. I wish barbiturates were prescribed. I could do with 30x Seconal 100s. You can take these by the handful if you want deep sleep and you'll sleep into your grave. Only way of suicide I know of involving [benzo] sleeping pills involves a rough sea. Drop the pills while you're at the rocks. Wear multiple layers of clothing to weigh yourself down. Wait long enough that you have trouble moving. Use all your might to get into the choppy waters. It won't feel cold. You will feel nothing ever again. This is advice to self. You wanna kill yourself? Fuck off and go elsewhere this blog is about my life and my death, not yours.

Really I wish heroin were free of charge or at maximum 50p a G H4, then I could take Enough. I'm not talking about a pathetic 300mg a day diamorphine script I'm talking many times that. They know methadone is causing all these problems of mine which is why they prescribe it.

Truth has to be very simple. I'm NOT IN DETOX. Opiate detox makes you sweaty, hot and cold with eyes like saucers. I have none of these symptoms and I've never heard of anybody detox from early December into mid February.

So either: methadone is the root of all my instability
Or: that's just how I am

One of the two. If the first is true then WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING PRESCRIBING SOMETHING THAT PUTS MULTIPLE PEOPLE IN MY HEAD AND THEN WHIRLS THEM ALL UP IN A TORNADO?

Ie they are TRYING TO SEND ME MAD and I'm dropping this methadone script and scoring on the street. At least then the government aren't controlling me.

It's all a con. Everything in life is one big giant con. Don't be taken in or you're even sadder and more lost than I am.

Illustration: top: the cyclone or tornado ~ ask anyone who's been to The Top and they'll tell you about this; black pepper/strawberry icecream ~ these are for Melody


MAMAS AND PAPAS: CREEQUE ALLEY
no point sitting about in a sour mood might as well put on something decent



THIS is how I feel when depressed, look under the second column: hypersomnia etc
http://www.angelfire.com/home/bphoenix1/uni.html