had for months and hate them so much it never ordinarily crosses my mind to pop one no matter how desperate i am.This person is coming in 90 minutes so i have to rush out and get alcohol then clear a space on the floor. That's all i can do in 90 minutes. i wasn't staying up all night. if he sees a zombie at least it's one who's slept.
its 1125 if he's not here by 1145 i'm out of here and to the heroin dealer
maybe i should be "coping" but i'm not coping like THIS
*diphenhydramine is Nytol but I'm on Boots' own (cheaper) and I think Nytols are usually 25mgs
hi me again
ReplyDelete(i can almost hear u say o fuck off)
it seems u wont listen 2 anyone.
u r in detox.
if u were not on meth u would have all the symptoms that u listed and more, but taking meth does not stop u detoxing from heroin (it just makes it easier... YES easier!
and 2 and half months is not long enough (even without lapses)after ten years of using.
i hate 2 repeat myself but i did cold turkey once for 5/6 months
after 6 yrs use. and still felt shit and could not sleep.and yes i went back to it.
how can u expect to be tired last night after sleeping 18/24 hrs on weds?
i dont think people r confused by your quasi- medical terminology.
i think most of your readers really care and worry about u but u dont seem to listen.
and although u r not asking 4 any advice or help and in one sentence say u r not ill and u r fine, and the next sentence r seemingly planning suicide, people feel compelled to try and help u.
using is a full time time job and when not working (scoring/using) the time is spent gouching/sleeping.
and when u stop that leaves a lot of hours with nothing 2 do, plus the horror of not being able to sleep those hours away. u know all this . it is simple. and is best kept simple. u need to fill those hours with things that give u some sense of acheivment and possibly something physical that will help tire you. it is like starting life having come out of a ten year coma, and finding out what u enjoy doing. i might have said all this before. but i wont say it again. (promise)
im sorry i know it sounds harsh and it is hard to start again, but its a lot harder alone with no help.
i dont know what to say and i got a feeling i aint the only one.
please take a couple of bricks out of the wall that surrounds u and let something/someone good in.
please. a lot of people r concerned for you, and thats a blessing, so theres number one.
im sure u can find some more.
i hope i not offended u.
gotta go, hamper girl hungry
take care
x
thanks I'm putting this to the dr., I was told methadone holds you perfectly straight and it would do were it not for the psychological symptoms I feel absolutely fine physically since the drougt dropped my tolerance
ReplyDeleteso i should go back to heroin then shouldn't i?
which is what i am doing. i don't care how rough, cruel or violent i have to be to get it to me heroin and suicide are the same, suicide is less of a pussyman option i just wish i had guts to do it indisputably 100% lethal. anything less than 100% guaranteed quick death ain't gonna work for me i need death
thanks for the advice no i know you're not telling me to die, I AM
i need to know my options now for when i might need them