I used NO GEAR yesterday or today (Sunday and Monday are the only days I've used on for weeks, mostly just Sundays). So I'm over 7 days clean now. I don't miss heroin at all. I did crave it yesterday, because I'm used to using on Sundays. But I do not want or need that muck in my veins.
I'm keeping my last memory of a needle in my vein a bad one: the blood test nurse tutting and muttering over my collapsing vessels. If I have bad memories to look back on, I reason, I won't have anything to set me off. Also you tend to glorify the past as you come off drugs and only remember the good days. In spates. Then you remember how bad it really was and are glad you never gave in during those episodes of glorification.
I'm watching a drama about multiple murderers Fred and Rosemary West called Appropriate Adult. The appropriate adult is someone they keep in with a suspect during interviews to ensure procedure is adhered to and that the suspect understands what's going on. Apparently they weren't sure whether or not Fred West was retarded!
The appropriate adult's partner got so excited by press camping round their house (the British press being especially voracious) that he went and caught Bipolar Mania, buying a new car, television and hifi equipment and ending up in a mental hospital. Now the appropriate adult has been sacked... end of part one.
I laughed at the beginning of that drama when they cracked a joke about the buried au pair not "having three legs" (ie 3 thigh bones of at least 2 people were found buried in close proximity). Then he talks about ripping a baby from a murdered woman's womb. And I wanted to be sick. The Wests apparently tortured these young women to death and what they did was vile.
Anyway back to cigarettes and now I have to give up smoking. And I wish my methadone clinic would reduce my dose I hate being on over 100mg.
Take care everyone.
Today's main illustrations are from the Aussie drama, Prisoner Cell Block H. If you want to see Fred and Rosemary West click the links I put up
I decided to pass on the West drama thinking that I probably didn't want to know about a lot of that stuff... Sounds like I made the right move!
ReplyDeleteWell done on the weekend - day at a time you will hopefully stay clean
I watched 'Appropriate Adult'and thought it was very well done.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you haven't used Gleds. Good luck when you give up smoking too. x
hi. so good to read you sounding so "together" massive progress this year . .huge . . wish I could do so well in a year & have so much determination. Saw my aunt in hosp last week on last bit of lung . .she has same as I have, emphasyma . .but she is 80 and gave up smoking 3 yrs ago. I was told to stop 2 yrs ago . . and I still came out of hospital after seing her and lit one up!! I mean how stupid must i be? knowing how it will end if I dont stop . . .dumb as fuck obviously. Im sure u will be able to stop . .you done it with gear, you can do it for sure. My Gledwood hammy has a permanent centre parting in his fur, from his nose right the way down his back . .so weird. As if he has slept in a very flat box that has flattened his fur. The thing is he shares his flat with two females (I know its knida asking for it but hey only got 18 at minute :-) They have two large bedrooms but he always sleeps outside/inside like in the middle of the cage, so no idea how he manages his "hair do"- he is very entertaining though . .well they all are, as you know. Anyway will try & not over do my "comment" just so ngood to read you doing so well
ReplyDeletemuch love
di x
hey i'm up north and we have some gear here that doesn't need citric, it just disolves in water, no cooking either. its well strong, about 12 people have died this last month or two. only one dealer has it. everyone is still has low tolerance so they're dropping like flies. i think it pharms, maybe morphine or something. i don't really get that rush when u first do a hit, it kinda creeps on. but it knocks me on my arse. u got it down south? its virtually white, like a creamy colour...quarter of a bag fucks me up. strong stuff
ReplyDeleteHey, this is Jan from There is No hero in Heroin and I need your help. Can you send me your email or email me at thereisnoheroinheroin@gmail.com so I can speak with you? My manuscript is being published, the picture I feature on my site is not high resolution and I need something similar to accommodate the cover.... do you think you can help me?
ReplyDeleteHope all is well! I miss talkiing with you. Proud of you for quitting smoking. How is the non use going?
Jan
Gleds, I am really glad for you. This post uplifted my spirits. I know that you can stay clean. I know that you can get your self together and be okay. Happy as can be about your not using.
ReplyDeleteGleds- Glad you are staying away from the gear. This is my problem with getting medicated at a clinic. They give you your dose all at once. I am on methadone for pain management, and am able to split my dose throughout the day as needed. You would think they would applaud you for wanting to lower your dose. I read somewhere that a drug craving actually lasts a total of 7 minutes. The intense part. "They" say that is you can out-wait that 7 minutes you will be able to think more clearly and make a better decision. Keep doing well Gleds. You have accomplished so much.
ReplyDeleteWell done, Gleds- x
ReplyDeleteJan: my email is hammynutter@lycos.com
ReplyDeletemy computer is broken so I'm slower than normal at getting back to people but you're welcome to email me
Sorry my brain is slow today. A centre parting on a hamster? That sounds like greasy fur I don't know what you could do for that Buggerlugz.
ReplyDeleteI don't miss heroin at all strangely.
Anon that sounds like "white" heroin as they call it. I only came across gear that didn't need citric twice in 10 years ~ 8 years apart!
If it was pharmaceutical I would have thought it would be pure white. I knew someone on diamorphine amps years ago who said if you emptied them out (they were dry amps) the white stuff just dissolved into the paper you wrapped it in...
So that sounds more like an illegally manufactured drug. It might be another opiate not heroin eg morphine? Weird stuff like that tends to crop up in droughts. I hope another one is not on the way. Even though I'm steering clear of the Killer B myself.....
Hi Gled! I was born and raised in Gloucester. I grew up in the Seventh Day Adventist cult and my old church is in most of the pictures of 25 Cromwell Street. I remember Fred, he used to chat to the old Jamaican women who made up my church. I don't know how he got away with it, Gloucester is so incestuous. Sailor x
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