I WAS LOOKING for the Jordans advert with two harvest mice talking in posh accents and kissing. My robos never spoke but I'm sure they would have been posh if they did. Roborovski hamsters are like the aristocracy: a rare breed. My robbies did used to kiss hello though the way French people kiss on both cheeks. One day Itchy was running the wheel with Spherical sitting next to her on the ground. Itchy kept stopping to kiss-kiss Spherical hello. Spherical was highest in pecking order and so got the most kisses... Anyway aren't these harvest mice tiny?I have been staying off drugs which made me very miserable yesterday when I really wanted some heroin. Somebody offered me some crack today but I turned it down outright that stuff doesn't agree with me. All these drugs affect my mood. Heroin by flatttening it; crack by switching it sometimes. Some days when I was on heroin and crack, I could stay high all afternoon just off of one pipe on the crack. It just seemed to keep going. When I smoked too much I got paranoid and my life became more miserable than ever.
I'm finding it hard not to take heroin as a life without it seems like a life devoid of meaning. Some days like today it's easy. Other days like yesterday when I ordinarily would have used it, it seems far far harder. I can't remember when I did last use it. Over a week ago. I've been using it probably once every two weeks on average so it's more and more infrequent. Luckily they're testing me each time I come into the clinic so they can see the tests are negative. Heroin stays in your system for about 4 days; crack is a bit longer, I think. I was never interested in giving clean tests before so I barely know anything about the issue. Last time they tested me using a lollypop you pass around your mouth he ticked just about everything in the "please test" boxes including stuff I'd never use in a million years like cannabis.
I think the reason I find it hard without heroin is that I was relying on it as an antidepressant mood stabilizer and without it I get far more depressed. Up until about nearly a year ago, I just couldn't handle doing any more than a day off heroin and even that one day was hard. The methadone just didn't seem to work the way it was supposed to. So I'm fighting through unfamiliar territory with methadone declining by 5mg per week at the moment. I don't feel withdrawals from that reduction as the dose is still 95mg; quite high.
Well I have to dash time is running out I hope y'all are well...!
Cocaine leaves your system a lot quicker than H. 2-3 days. Once a fortnight is roughly what I'm doing,though once Ive decided to use there's usually no point in trying to fight it, the gear being shite helps no end, laters. Karl
ReplyDeleteI guess it's a good think that you're not feeling withdrawals. Stay with it Gleds. Try to go three weeks, then four . . .
ReplyDeleteKarl: yes the gear is still shit I can barely feel it even when it's "good"
ReplyDeleteBaino: it's probably only one week at the moment I just don't count days so I'm never exactly sure I've had enough of drugs enough for 3 lifetimes
Glad that you are well, Gleds. Just stopping by to say Hello.
ReplyDelete"Devoid of meaning." Ran into that frequently during that "Attempt to Quit Every 6 Weeks" thing. Haven't made any effort, nor wanted to in so long, am not sure if the stuff has such incredible Meaning to me. It doesn't seem to anymore, just seems to be "part of the day" or after a long/hard day "part of the day that eye look forward to." But maybe eye'm just deluding myself. Only one way to find out, which is the one way eye have no current interest in doing.
ReplyDelete95mg. Supposedly it starts really getting hard when you get into the 30s category.
Syd: hi
ReplyDeleteEyelick: hopefully I should be on take home doses by the time it's as low as 35mg and a LOT easier to adjust the dosage times to ones that suit you because at the moment I go more when it's convenient to get to the chemist than when it's convenient to drink the methadone ie I go first thing when actually I need it last thing to sleep on. Ho hum.